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fudgearoundthecorner
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06 May 2019, 4:27 pm

Ok, so i have to admit my grades aren't exactly straight A's, but their passing grades. My mother, however, is extremely strict and cruel when it comes to grades.

First off, when I get A's, there's no pleasure she gets whenever I get an A. She tells me, "you're supposed to get A's".

Second of all, I'll actually explain the nitty-gritty details: I had all B's and one C+ last year in freshman year for a cumulative grade, and you may be thinking, *those aren't the best grades*, but my mother told me that I was ineligible for college and scared me into thinking that they'll see all of the missing assignments I have(I have the memory of a goldfish).

Third of all, her punishments for last year were horrible and very much out of proportion. I wasn't allowed to go with my family to florida for my summer trip, I wasn't allowed to have friends over, I wasn't allowed to play any video games all summer or use my phone at home, and she made me work outside in our garden, with my horrible fear of bees (It's a really bad phobia I have. I like the garden but we have curious wasps all around our house).

Ok, so now, for the first semester of Sophmore year, I had one A-, One B+, 3 B's, and 2 C+'s, (one was in foreign language[learning preterite tense in spanish and getting tested on the irregulars 8O ] and the other an elective). Am I really inelgible for college? Will they see all of my missing assignments? Is my mother blowing the consequeces out of proportion or am I just spoiled?

One side note, don't give me the "She just loves me" answer. It doesn't add to conversation nor does it give an actual definite answer to my situation. And yes, I am working harder to make my current grades better because I'm really close to actually failing math and gym. Hate both of the subjects with a passion because I don't understand the way people teach math anymore, and everyone else seems to get it but me, and my mother doesn't do anything to help besides complain about my generation(she blames all my problems on my generation). Gym just really bums me out because I have class with really good athletes and then I become sad because I don't look or do as good as them, and again she blames my generation.



Dan82
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06 May 2019, 5:38 pm

I'm not sure how I even graduated high school being that I never paid attention to anything I was told to do. I went to an open enrollment community college and did well enough there to get into universities later, but I had to, y'know, study and things at that point, which by the way I only did when I felt like it anyway. I had like a 3.0 in my community college days. I dunno.



Trogluddite
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06 May 2019, 6:41 pm

I think you're quite right, both the expectations and the punishment are out of proportion.

Being a Brit, I don't know your education system very well, but your grades don't look that bad to me. You're in the A/B area in most subjects by the looks of it, and the couple you struggle with aren't so far behind that they'll completely ruin your average.

It sounds as if you're putting the effort in; and the punishment you're receiving isn't going to magically turn you into a natural mathematician or gymnast. Social interaction and your emotional well-being are every bit as important as your education to the adult life that awaits you, and the punishment interferes with those things. It is reasonable that your Mum cares about your education and encourages it, but that should be balanced with encouraging the other aspects of your passage into adulthood, in my opinion. There are plenty of straight-A students who go on to lead unhappy lives.


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blazingstar
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06 May 2019, 7:40 pm

Your grades are fine; not great, but fine. You will be able to get into college, not the best college, but an okay one. No one is ever going to know about those missed assignments. All they will see is your final grade.

I don't know why parents can make so much drama out of grades. There is so much more to life than grades or school. There are so many things we learn from traveling and having friends. I would hope she could see the value in a well rounded person with many opportunities to grow and develop.


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Fnord
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06 May 2019, 7:49 pm

My parents were likely worried that if I did not even graduate high school, they would be stuck with having to support me for the rest of their lives. "Lucky" for them, back in the 1970s (1) it was acceptable, and even encouraged to kick sons out of their childhood homes at the age of 18, and (2) I left their home a week after graduation and put myself through college, which meant that they no longer had any "authority" over me and no right to criticize me for the grades I earned.

Even then, my dad tried to take credit for my accomplishments long after he stopped supporting me. He was a bitter and jealous man.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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06 May 2019, 8:39 pm

It does not matter if strangers on the internet find your punishment disproportionate

Strangers on the internet have no authority over the punishment

Community colleges take almost everyone

After that you can transfer

Colleges take whoever they want

Unless your mom violated Child Protective services, you can't do anything about it



Dan82
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07 May 2019, 1:16 am

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
It does not matter if strangers on the internet find your punishment disproportionate

Strangers on the internet have no authority over the punishment

Community colleges take almost everyone

After that you can transfer

Colleges take whoever they want

Unless your mom violated Child Protective services, you can't do anything about it

You can workshop how you understand your own situation and how you might respond to it by discussing it with other people. One of many reasons people gossip, for example.



Antrax
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19 May 2019, 5:06 pm

You'll be able to go to college (not an elite college) at which point everything will reset. The pertinent questions here are:

1) Do you want to be a "striaght-A student?" If, so than you need to figure out what causes you to struggle and what you can do about it.

2) Do you have an idea of what you want in life? College is not for everyone, but if that's what you want be advised it will be MUCH harder than your high school, and it would be advisable to identify your weakness and figure out how to address them before dealing with the chaos that is college.

3) What can you do to have a better relationship with your mother? I'm in no place to give advice on this, but once you're 18 you'll legally be on your own.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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19 May 2019, 11:41 pm

Seems common among Asians

Where were your parents born?

What job do your parents do?



ollychan
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26 May 2019, 10:14 am

my parents dont care . abt me. so.

if them r picky ask them how were ur grades in school



jimmy m
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26 May 2019, 11:18 am

People have strengths and weaknesses. Therefore it is natural for individuals to do better in some courses than others. I was never really good in foreign language or P.E. either. So more important questions are:
- What are your strengths and weaknesses?
- What do you want to be when you grow up and enter the adult world?
- What is the vision for your life? What will you do after you leave high school in your vision?

It is important for your vision to align with your strengths and to align with the real world.

When I first started high school, my grades were about average. At the time, if your grades were average and your parents were not wealthy, you didn't go to college. PERIOD! So I knew from the start that college was not an option. But in my second year we moved and my grades began to shoot up. By my senior year, my grades were almost straight A's. Then it occurred to me that going to college might be an option. Unfortunately, I was a little late in coming to that conclusion. It may have been around February of my senior year, that I told my parents that I might go to college. I went to see the councilor at school and asked about trying to get a scholarship. She looked at me very, very funny. She said "Your are late." Maybe she said "Your are very, very, very late." But anyways she had one scholarship still open but the paperwork had to be turned in the next morning. I turned in the paperwork, got the scholarship and it paid for my first year of college (books and tuition).

Now in my case, I worked part time when I was in high school. This was very important because it taught me skills and most importantly taught me how to become independent. By the end of the first year of college I was independent. When I went to college I worked full time during the summers and half time when I was at school. So in a sense, I paid my way through the rest of college.

So what is your vision? Can you get an introduction to that career path. For example, there might be a career day where you could spend a day with someone who is doing the work you would like to do. This is very important. Life is not all a bed of roses. So if you are around people performing that career you will get to see both the good and bad sides to the chosen profession.

For example, my youngest daughter decided in second grade she wanted to be a medical doctor. When she was around 13, I arranged for her to work in a hospital as a "pink lady" for two summers as a volunteer. She got to see first hand the life of doctors and surgeons and nurses and hospitals. She is a medical doctor today.

I had a niece visit from overseas. I asked her what she wanted to be once she graduated from high school. She thought about it and the next day said she wanted to be a dentist. I contacted my local dentist and explained to him my niece was thinking she would like to become a dentist and if he would mind if she shadowed him for a couple day. He was more than glad to provide her that opportunity. A couple years later when she graduated from high school, he gave my nice a letter of recommendation that open the way for her to enter dental school overseas. She is a dentist today.


[Pink Ladies are hospital volunteers. Generally they are senior citizens. They are usually dressed in pink smocks, thus the name. But there was no written rule that prevent a teenager from volunteering during the summer.]



Last edited by jimmy m on 26 May 2019, 2:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

BlossX
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26 May 2019, 1:47 pm

What the hell, physical and mental abuse imho.

You can't go on holiday if you don't get perfect grades? that never happened to me

You can't play much videogames? that's fine, but only up to a certain point.

If I were in your position, I would have been a rebel by a long time.

I don't let my parents control me too much now that i'm 22, but even after being 18 I didn't want to be controlled.



shortfatbalduglyman
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26 May 2019, 5:40 pm

Take easier classes

In the United States, community colleges take everyone

You can transfer to a four year school

Having said that, college is overrated

Seriously

Someone told me that, he had a masters in math. Oracle. Software engineer. 17 year. Laid off. Now he is a cashier at trader Joe's


Plenty of people (especially autistics) are unemployed or underemployed. College graduate. Master degree.


Some people are successful without college


Some people are failure with college






College is not magic, mystery, special, awesome, important


College serves a function, but many things do too


Learn a trade


Whatever



:mrgreen:


Colleges also take into account, extracurricular activities. SAT.


Military


Buddhist monastery


Peace corps


If you look at other posts on wrong planet, you see, plenty of unemployed college graduates



Tutoring




Based on your description, your mom did not violate Child Protective services



blackomen
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03 Jul 2019, 7:40 pm

Sounded like my parents only worse. Just curious, are you Asian? My parents were immigrants from China and they expected no more than 1 B every semester, and they were probably ones of the less strict Asian parents I've known (many of the others expected straight A's from their kids.)

As for your grades, I'd focus on damage control if you're already trying fairly hard in school. Don't be afraid to meet with your teacher after class to discuss it if you got any grade less than an A. Don't approach the teacher confrontationally - just ask to meet to discuss how he/she grades, why your grade is assigned. Be passive-aggressive in this regard and don't be afraid to end up taking a lot of the teacher's time.

This is a tactic that I learned, unfortunately after I had already finished school (including college and grad school). See it here: https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/b ... -workweek/

Quote:
And a great lesson he illustrates:”For all four years of school, I had a policy. If I received anything less than an A on the first paper or non-multiple-choice in a given class, I would bring 2-3 hours of questions to the grader’s office hours and not leave until the other had answered them all or stopped out of exhaustion. This served two important purposes:1. I learned exactly how the grader evaluated work, including his or her prejudices and pet peeves
2. The grader would think long and hard about ever giving me less than an A. He or she would never consider giving me a bad grace without exceptional reasons for doing so, as he or she knew I’d come a’knocking for another three-hour visit.Learn to be difficult when it counts. In school as in life, having a reputation for being assertive will help you receive preferential treatment without having to beg or fight for it every time.



maddogegw84
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17 Jul 2019, 1:31 am

I felt like my parents were hard on me and my grades as well. I think it was because they kept telling me how well they did on their pre-SAT scores and getting on the honor roll back in their days.

I mainly got B's and C's. Just the average student. Hated science. Did ok in History and English. I don't know how I managed to make it through Economics. And did fine with music (except for a couple of quarters/semesters) that I had to pick myself back up from.

I never went to community college. Went straight to a 4-year university. Struggled my first semester in college. Got better, but I guess it just wasn't for me.

I now work as a pharmacy technician, but I never went to a 2-year community college and got a degree. Instead, I spent a month studying for the national exam (NHA) and passed.

So there are things like your ACT/SAT scores, extracurricular activities (volunteer things, etc) that play a role in determining college applications, etc.