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Things You’ve Learned About Dating Through Experience

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TwilightPrincess
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21 May 2019, 2:11 pm

VegetableMan wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
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- Never -- not under any circumstance -- be friends with your ex. She will not have your best interests at heart.


Utter nonsense. Two decent people can end a romantic relationship , but remain good friends. I've done it successfully, and I know a number of people who have, also.


It can be complicated, though, if one of them still has romantic feelings for the other. That situation can feel like torture. It’d probably be best in this scenario to cut off contact entirely.


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kraftiekortie
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21 May 2019, 2:13 pm

This very same thing is why we have "muses," and has inspired a considerable body of literature over the eons.

Unrequited, unfulfilled love.



Kurgan
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21 May 2019, 2:15 pm

VegetableMan wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
-
- Never -- not under any circumstance -- be friends with your ex. She will not have your best interests at heart.


Utter nonsense. Two decent people can end a romantic relationship , but remain good friends. I've done it successfully, and I know a number of people who have, also.


I have tried it too. Usually, the one who suggests it has selfish motives behind it. Furthermore, you'll be constantly reminded everytime you see them that you used to share something more, and that what's left isn't the same.


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TwilightPrincess
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21 May 2019, 2:16 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
This very same thing is why we have "muses," and has inspired a considerable body of literature over the eons.

Unrequited, unfulfilled love.


Don’t you find such situations sad or unpleasant to live with?


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Kurgan
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21 May 2019, 2:18 pm

Fnord wrote:
VegetableMan wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
- - Never -- not under any circumstance -- be friends with your ex. She will not have your best interests at heart.
Utter nonsense. Two decent people can end a romantic relationship , but remain good friends. I've done it successfully, and I know a number of people who have, also.
I think he may be referring to an ex-spouse. While it is possible to be on civil terms with an ex, there is always the chance that her "friendly" behavior may only be the bait to lure you into a compromising situation, then you either have to up the alimony payments or face assault charges.


This. Not being friends doesn't necessarily mean being mortal enemies, though.


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kraftiekortie
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21 May 2019, 2:26 pm

Of course those situations are sad. Of course they are.

I've been through them.

Later on, though, I've been able to use them in my writing.

This sort of thing is the source of much literature.



TwilightPrincess
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21 May 2019, 2:30 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Of course those situations are sad. Of course they are.

I've been through them.

Later on, though, I've been able to use them in my writing.

This sort of thing is the source of much literature.


It could be a source of literature but most people don’t have literary talents.


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21 May 2019, 2:32 pm

Fnord wrote:
VegetableMan wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
- - Never -- not under any circumstance -- be friends with your ex. She will not have your best interests at heart.
Utter nonsense. Two decent people can end a romantic relationship , but remain good friends. I've done it successfully, and I know a number of people who have, also.
I think he may be referring to an ex-spouse. While it is possible to be on civil terms with an ex, there is always the chance that her "friendly" behavior may only be the bait to lure you into a compromising situation, then you either have to up the alimony payments or face assault charges.


Yeah, I figured it was based on a bad experience. I understand that, and I know those who have had similar experiences which have left them jaded and cynical. I just wanted to point out that it is possible to remain friendly with an ex.


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21 May 2019, 2:33 pm

Kurgan wrote:
Fnord wrote:
VegetableMan wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
- - Never -- not under any circumstance -- be friends with your ex. She will not have your best interests at heart.
Utter nonsense. Two decent people can end a romantic relationship , but remain good friends. I've done it successfully, and I know a number of people who have, also.
I think he may be referring to an ex-spouse. While it is possible to be on civil terms with an ex, there is always the chance that her "friendly" behavior may only be the bait to lure you into a compromising situation, then you either have to up the alimony payments or face assault charges.
This. Not being friends doesn't necessarily mean being mortal enemies, though.
True. It can mean that you never want to see their lying, traitorous, ugly face again.


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VegetableMan
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21 May 2019, 2:34 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
VegetableMan wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
-
- Never -- not under any circumstance -- be friends with your ex. She will not have your best interests at heart.


Utter nonsense. Two decent people can end a romantic relationship , but remain good friends. I've done it successfully, and I know a number of people who have, also.


It can be complicated, though, if one of them still has romantic feelings for the other. That situation can feel like torture. It’d probably be best in this scenario to cut off contact entirely.


True. In my case, neither my ex or myself had any romantic feelings left. We just weren't compatible in that way.


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21 May 2019, 3:21 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
This very same thing is why we have "muses," and has inspired a considerable body of literature over the eons.

Unrequited, unfulfilled love.


Do you have a muse?



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21 May 2019, 3:30 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Antrax wrote:
Relationships aren't all they're cracked up to be. Don't date someone for the sake of being in one.


What was the difficulty with it if you don't mind my asking?


I’ve known some people who ended up in lousy relationships just because they wanted a relationship so bad. It’s sad when it happens.


Honest truth, I'm wondering what's so bad about being with me that one would prefer to be alone... or rather the thought of being with me because we didn't get far before this man backed out. I'm clutching at straws. It was a pretty selfish question on my part.



TwilightPrincess
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21 May 2019, 3:35 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Antrax wrote:
Relationships aren't all they're cracked up to be. Don't date someone for the sake of being in one.


What was the difficulty with it if you don't mind my asking?


I’ve known some people who ended up in lousy relationships just because they wanted a relationship so bad. It’s sad when it happens.


Honest truth, I'm wondering what's so bad about being with me that one would prefer to be alone... or rather the thought of being with me because we didn't get far before this man backed out. I'm clutching at straws. It was a pretty selfish question on my part.


In your group, are there more single women than men? It’s difficult to find someone when there’s a big difference in numbers.

Would you ever consider dating someone you’ve met online?


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21 May 2019, 3:45 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Antrax wrote:
Relationships aren't all they're cracked up to be. Don't date someone for the sake of being in one.


What was the difficulty with it if you don't mind my asking?


I’ve known some people who ended up in lousy relationships just because they wanted a relationship so bad. It’s sad when it happens.


Honest truth, I'm wondering what's so bad about being with me that one would prefer to be alone... or rather the thought of being with me because we didn't get far before this man backed out. I'm clutching at straws. It was a pretty selfish question on my part.


In your group, are there more single women than men? It’s difficult to find someone when there’s a big difference in numbers.

Would you ever consider dating someone you’ve met online?


Yes, there's more women... or my female friends just have female friends who have female friends... and I'm beginning to realise why now. they've been hurt and want to just focus on their friends now.

Online dating freaks me out. I've signed up from time to time, but feel uninspired by the sea of faces.

I love getting to know someone in a comfortable no pressure way... which isn't getting long term relationships, but I still enjoy it. I feel like online dating is like going for job interviews. I hate appointments. It just seems needlessly stressful.



TwilightPrincess
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21 May 2019, 3:48 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Antrax wrote:
Relationships aren't all they're cracked up to be. Don't date someone for the sake of being in one.


What was the difficulty with it if you don't mind my asking?


I’ve known some people who ended up in lousy relationships just because they wanted a relationship so bad. It’s sad when it happens.


Honest truth, I'm wondering what's so bad about being with me that one would prefer to be alone... or rather the thought of being with me because we didn't get far before this man backed out. I'm clutching at straws. It was a pretty selfish question on my part.


In your group, are there more single women than men? It’s difficult to find someone when there’s a big difference in numbers.

Would you ever consider dating someone you’ve met online?


Yes, there's more women... or my female friends just have female friends who have female friends... and I'm beginning to realise why now. they've been hurt and want to just focus on their friends now.

Online dating freaks me out. I've signed up from time to time, but feel uninspired by the sea of faces.

I love getting to know someone in a comfortable no pressure way... which isn't getting long term relationships, but I still enjoy it. I feel like online dating is like going for job interviews. I hate appointments. It just seems needlessly stressful.


I wasn’t meaning just online dating sites. You could meet someone on a forum like this one. We could set up a GoFundMe account for a plane ticket!


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21 May 2019, 3:54 pm

Ha ha... no pressure.

Speaking of flying.

I've got a friend who is trying to set me up with a friend of hers. We need to both fly to the same location and meet. I dunno if I'm gonna go. He's going anyway. It's a holiday they already had planned.

I should go. It would be fun just to somewhere new regardless of him.

I'm not outta options just yet.