Is this a sincere apology?

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A few months ago, I posted in here about some ex-friends and the lack of response to my aunt's death. I did confront them about it and didn't get anything at first.

When going to check the mail today, I got found a card in the mail from one of those ex-friends, who my late aunt did a lot for. So I opened it and it was a sympathy card that came with a letter.

In the letter, she explained how she was sorry for treating me poorly and there was no excuse for it. Moreover, also talking about how she wants to help other people who are hurting. Beyond that, she acknowledged everything my aunt did for me and for her. Finally, she said that she still doesn't think it's healthy for us to be friends again but wants to make peace with me. She said it would be better for us to be cordial to each other and wished me all the best.

Does this sound sincere to you? Why or why not? I was finally starting to accept that she is not interested in me and begin living my life. Then I got this letter today and it made me upset all over again if not confused.

I obviously don't know all the details, but it does sound sincere based on the info you provided.

My question is - is there any possible ulterior motive that this friend could have for sending you that card? Because as far as I'm concerned - if she didn't have to go out of her way to send it to you, then she wouldn't have, unless she was truly sorry she hurt you. She could have just forgotten all about you and carried on living her life. You know what I mean?

She had not contacted me in 4 years since our last meeting when she explained why we could not be friends. She also said some mean things that made me cry. Other than that, I didn't hear from her. When my aunt was in the hospital on her death bed and when she finally died, I emailed her but she didn't respond. I emailed her two months later and asked why she could not have responded being that my aunt did a lot for her. Either way, I decided to just leave her alone and that I did my part. Three months later, she finally caves in.

As for ulterior motive, she had always been pretty jealous of me and has been known to one-up me on and compete with me on several occasions. She has been depressed about what to do with her life and could not stand it that I know what I want. Example- She is jealous of me because of my job situation, so in the letter, she said that she wants is making a dream of hers come true by knocking on doors to open a community center for people with disabilities that have not don much with their lives. She has always been really competitive with where if things didn't work out for me but they did for her, she was always boasting about it.

Example - There was a guy who we both liked but he didn't like me back and didn't want to be friends. He chose her over me as a friend. At any rate, he and I were at a funeral where he ignored me the whole time. All the while, he offered to give her a ride. Later that day, she and I planned to meet and called me up. In the voice mail, she boasted about how he offered her the ride.

[opinion=mine]

It would seem to be an apology of the correct form, but only if the person issuing the apology has a reputation for sincerity. In other words, if the person issuing the apology is a known liar or manipulator, I would not consider the apology sincere.

[/opinion]

It seems sincere.....

She has a history of being extremely manipulative and especially when it comes to getting her way. She also had pushed my buttons several times and said she was "Sorry" and kept on doing things that I found to be quite provocative in addition to not being very supportive.

In this letter, she talked about how sorry she was for being a bad friend to me and that she had spent much of her life wallowing in self-pity in addition to acknowledging my aunt. That said, she said that she doesn't want to be friends with me again because she thinks the relationship between us in unhealthy. Either way, she said she wants to make peace with me by being polite to each other in public.

I'll put on my "psychic reader" cap and take a wild guess that what she really wants is for you to be polite to her in public ... no matter how she treats you in return.

If I was in your place, I would keep the letter for future reference, but otherwise "ghost" her from now on -- turnabout is fair play, after all!

What was the point in contacting her? Seems like she did what you wanted. If she doesn't get along with you what would be the point of further contact other than the apology and making peace?

Fnord, I agree with you but I also think she probably would use those opportunities to continue to compete and one-up me out of jealousy.
The story about how she is knocking on doors to open some center for disabled people who have not had much going on is one example if not grandiose and arrogant sounding. I don't think she's worth being "Nice" to because as a friend from high school describes people like that, a low-quality person.

In terms of her rejecting me in that letter, you know what I could care less. It's been 4 years since we last spoke and I have had lots of time to meet other people and enjoy my life. I have gotten on just fine without her.

That's why I suggest that you "Ghost" her -- pretend she doesn't exists and have no further contact with her.

I sure will because she's not even worth it and I have not bumped into her in public within the last 4 years. Therefore, I have learned that to live without her and I think I can continue to do so. Besides, she is just one woman.