So confused about my diagnosis!

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Hi everyone,

I know I can't be diagnosed on the internet, but I'm really looking for some insight into what my diagnosis could be, as i'm not sure if I have Asperger's, Borderline Personality Disorder, or bipolar. It's so confusing!

I'm a very emotional and sensitive person, and love tor read/write and am quite creative. I have a lot of social anxiety and frequently misinterpret people in social situations, and always struggle to know what do in things such as romantic relationships. I would say I'm unusually empathetic, as in I take on the emotions of other people around me to a weird degree, almost as if I am them. I have a tendency to be a bit co dependent in relationships as I have this urge to care for them, which is what happened with my last and only boyfriend thus far.

I have had mood swings all my life, and had a huge continuous meltdown last year before I went to university. It really impacted my grades because I was amongst a lot of people who had narcissistic and antisocial traits in a close college environment, making me feel quite mistreated and misunderstood. I'm still recovering from how they made me feel, but I'm happy at uni now.

This year at uni, I did have a meltdown triggered by a feeling of rejection from a boy, and though I had been wanting to cut my hair for a while, I decided spontaneously to trim my hair and it was WAY shorter than I wanted it. (It was also triggered by not looking after myself well while I was away and being a bit lonely). It was quite a crisis and I had to leave my accommodation and stay home to commute to uni. After that I went to see a psychiatrist and she confirmed she thinks I have Asperger's.

Both my brother, my uncle and my granddad have Asperger's in my family, so I have a LONG history of it: my brother was diagnosed at 4-5, my uncle at 32, and my granddad is undiagnosed but we all think he has it. However, my intense episodes of depression, my self harm (which isn't often), and my empathetic and emotional nature make me feel like I might have BPD. I can be incredibly illogical sometimes, jump to conclusions, and fear rejection intensely, especially academically and socially. I have isolated myself in fear of what happened at college, and ever since I've had BPD traits such as my moods changing in a day, feeling disconnected, and struggling intensely with my sense of identity, as I feel it shifts so much, even in a day.

I'm not sure if this is all normal for Asperger's! I can sometimes read people quite well and be able to support people emotionally, but sometimes I can't. I can tell if someone is feeling sad, upset, or angry/happy, but the subtler emotions like contempt, jealousy I struggle with. Like, I can have moments of extreme logic and see patterns that I feel other's cant, and have quite rapid thinking of intuition and logic. Then, I'll be completely irrational when it comes to social situations, almost always getting things wrong!

I have strict interests and obsessions, such as with poetic figures like Shakespeare and Sylvia Plath. I will research them forever and ever and never get bored. I also form obsessions about objects like honeycomb, honey, and have obsessions with researching mental disorders such as psychopathy, all the personality disorders (especially BPD ) and have OCD traits and OCD obsessions which I really struggle with. Mental health disorders have been my special interest for a long time. I also don't feel a huge need to socialise, and mostly prefer to be home with my family.

I get very upset without my routine, such as I lose sleep and my mood deteriorates. I really like structure and routine.

Any insight into other female aspies and if they show all these traits would be so helpful!

I relate somewhat. I've had LOTS of mood swings over relationships before. I also kinda like being supportive within a romantic realtionship & think of it as one of my strengths. I think the being supportive thing is partly cuz I've been through emotional issues. I started seeing a psychiatrist for 5 years after I had a BAD meltdown over my 1st relationship ending & slashing my arm 9x. I was diagnosed with Aspergers during my 1st appointment but she also said I had Borderline Personality Disorder. I've gotten some other diagnoses too thou. I've grown alot since then & I doubt I'd get the BPD diagnoses now. I believe some of my issues were due to BAD anxiety & OCD that caused me to fall into a psychotic depression. Being on anxiety, OCD, & depression medication helps me a lot. I'm still more sensitive thou. I'm not sure what you have OP but I wanted to say I relate & that it is possible for Aspergers & BPD to coexist or to have symptoms of BPD due to the way Aspergers affects you & the problems you faced cuz of it.

Thank you Nick!

That's the same as me, I definitely feel being supportive as something I make as a priority.

I think with me my BPD symptoms fluctuate, as they were exacerbated during/after my time in college. I think the BPD symptoms stem a lot from my Asperger's!

Thank you so much, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who has felt like this during relationship issues!