Not getting close to anyone.

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There's no trust between me & anyone at all any longer. I know there's some logical solution involving people who know me but I'm the last guy to know anything about that. My head is just telling me to stay away from everyone.

I really doubt I'll ever be anything more than a stupid autistic creep to them. I don't feel right anywhere.

Can any of you convince me to get in my car & go do something?

Get in the car, and go do something

Anxious attachment style

Avoidant personality disorder

Post traumatic stress disorder

Yeah, probably.

As shy as I am at least I'm direct. I'll figure out how to talk some of this over with everyone if it takes me all year.

What other options are there anyway? Nothing realistic or sustainable on my part.

Do you feel close to other autistic people though? It's hard to feel close to someone with a different brain

I don't really know very many, if anyone.

It's not that I can't appreciate people, I'm just processing this anxiety.

Too many precious lil "people" are homophobic, judgmental, arrogant, entitled.

Manipulate

They act like they are being kind but they are just trying to make you do what they want

I have no idea what anyone wants from me.

More often than not, it seems like everyone wishes I would disappear. I don't know why but I'm sure it has something to do with why I'm posting here.

You'll disappear someday anyway. You just have to try to stay calm and try to have fun until that happens.

Yes but everyone will "disappear someday"

I suffered from some of this when I was a teenager.

It is fear, anxiety, and lack of self-esteem. It is also the result of people "letting you down".

I had a father who was a very successful, high-powered attorney. He was also a pathological liar and was cheating on my mother for like 10 years before the marriage fell apart. When I was very young, my best friend turned on me. These things made me distrustful of people.

But for every person who was untrustworthy or duplicitous, there were 9 good people in my life. I just didn't see it.

It is important to go back into your own history and see where some of these feelings come from

I don't really fixate on the negatives about anyone whenever I can avoid that. I want everyone to be more comfortable around me instead of mirroring my nerves. There are people I trust for more reasons than just their personality at first glance, but they all probably see me as an annoying burden. If not, I don't get many chances to find out otherwise.

Whenever I wind up isolated, it feels like a conscious decision from everyone else I know. No one's really to blame, though if anyone, it's me. Lately I was thinking I'm just good for one or 2 big hugs a year for most people. I want to do better than that.

I'm sure that's not true. My sibling's best friend is very depressed at the moment. He doesn't believe he's good at anything and doesn't think we care about him, but we do. He won't accept my invitations to come out and do things with us.

You may have a distorted view of yourself too due to anxiety.

Is there anything you can do solo just to get out the house? Go visit somewhere nice.

I think said distorted view is manifesting itself in my friend's eyes. I've got a good amount of work to do & I'm actually moving a bed into a new house today. I guess now's as good a day as any to go visit my usual cafe. I know almost everyone who works there anyway.

I'll keep trying to remember that I'm seen as a really strange person rather than a walking algorithm or bioengineered robot.



As such, I'm choosing not to view anyone I care about as a letdown. They have their own troubles but we have to address all this together eventually.