Asperger's/Autism and Romantic Isolation

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Not the Bible Belt I experience. The people I run into are Walmart loving, Fox News binging, and country music blasting hyper aggressive morons.



I've actually been pressured to settle with either obese redneck women or meek Christian women since they are apparently on my "level". I don't like either demographic.

This is the number one thing that can help. Fair or not fair, disadvantaged or not disadvantaged, every individual is responsible for thier own self. I think ASD people need to do a LOT of soul-searching Unfortunately, a LOT of the advice that works for most people is not generally applicable to an ASD person.

A short list I would say:

1. Become more attractive physically. People should try and maintain a healthy weight, and ideally get in good physical shape. People need to bathe every day, wear deodorant, and wear clean not worn out clothes that match.
2. Adjust the socializing algorithm. I think that ASD people need to take a scientific approach to trial and error when socializing. Figure out the variables in meeting someone, and test the out systematically. Try out each variable at least 10 times. Some variables to test out: Different greetings, different lengths of making eye contact, different voice volumes, different canned conversational topics. The vairbales hsould make themselves kown. What part of getting to know someone is the hardest for you? Start there!
3. Know when to stop. This is a HUGE one, not only because we shouldn't want to make anyone uncomfortable, but also because we shouldn't want to waste our own damn time! This is also probably the biggest piece of advice that is different for ASD people than NT people, as so much advice for NT people can be summed up as 'don't stop trying'.I probably take a way more 'cut your losses ASAP' stance than is optimal, but ending a conversation or interaction early has way more benefits than costs. You will make people less uncomfortable, and it is always better to leave someone wanting more of your time than less!.
4. Get your s**t together! People who have steady jobs, live independently, and active interesting lives are 1000000% more attractive. You have to be creative. If you have a hard time finding a job, you would do better if you furthered your education. You would do better if you got certified in your field of choice. You would do better if you have even minor experience in a related job. I started my career doing extremely menial 2-day long contracts, and have worked my way into a well paying professional career. There are plenty of s**t jobs in almost every field that no one wants. If you do enough of them, you will be qualified for a slightly less s**t job, etc. etc.



I think that the primary thing people close to ASD people can do is provide support. I generally find that advice from NT people is ill-suited for ASD people. But people close by can validate that a person with ASD is loved and worthwhile. Ideally, they would educate themselves on ASD and could gently guide people in the right direction. Some things might be obvious, like if someone with AD doesn't bathe enough, or wears bizarre clothing. Guidance needs to be gentle, or it will be seen as an attack and simultaneously make the person with ASD feel hopeless and drown out any legitimate points they have to make.



I think there is a lot that society can do for people with ASD in general that will have trickle-down affects on romantic interaction. It feels like in so many ways we're in the metaphorical stone age when it comes to diagnosing and helping people with ASD. We need more research that is simultaneously evidence based (realz > feelz) but also incorporates the perspective of people with ASD. Things like having programs to help teach ASD people social skills and get career training would go a LONG way in my opinion.

I am firmly against anything like arranged marriages (which is basically love slavery). Mail-order brides just reeks of sex trafficking, and any sort of relationship that flows from it won't be real.

I do think there is room in our social acceptance for things like sex therapy. I don't think that street level prostitution is the answer (because of things like sex trafficking, drug addiction, pimping, and STD transmission), but there are legitimate sex institutions where the people are there voluntarily, safety is taken seriously, and positive interactions are had that can go a long way.

I agree with all of this.

im not good enough.

pretty things shouldnt exist coz they pretty; ugly things shouldnt exist coz they ugly ; average things shouldnt exist coz they .. average.

Romantic Relationships/Dates

Mail order brides are probably the only solution. But one needs a good amount of steady income for that so hopefully the Aspie guy has the right job. Otherwise, probably nothing can be done for these guys (me included).

Hook ups/Sexual Experiences

Go to gym to work out and if necessary inject steroids. Go on Tinder and show off abdomen, send huge load of messages to women and wait for a reply (hopefully). Get help of a dating coach to find the right messages to send to women who reply and then get sex.