Undiagnosed adult female w/ issues to talk about.

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Upstairs_Monk
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31 May 2019, 9:14 pm

I am an alien. I am a soundless mouse in my house. My home is a person. Whenever I have an interaction with a family member it doesn't end well. "Because that's what you do, you walk away." I can't explain my pain and You definitely can't understand it. I'm an undiagnosed woman with ASD and I can't communicate with my family about why I am the way I am and every time I try it is met with denial or laughter or anger. Misunderstanding is the worst thing about being this kind of alien, it just doesn't work. My home is a person and mom is not my home.



jimmy m
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31 May 2019, 10:45 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

I guess the first step is to take one of those on-line tests for Aspergers.
The next step is to read up on the condition and make a list of your traits that match the condition.
At that point you might discuss the matter with your mom or the rest of your family.
You might seek an official assessment.

Many Aspies communicate better in writing rather than verbally. It gives us time to think about what we wish to say and allows us to speak in detail and accuracy. So you might try and communicate more in writing.

Aspies tend to deal with a lot of stress over our lifetime. Stress is cumulative in nature. Unless the stress is relieved it can overflow into distress. The middle brain controls the "fight or flight" response. During a stressful situation our body releases a cascade of hormones into our nervous system and muscles. As humans we have five limbs. The fifth limb is our neck/vocal cords/jaw. Since you said that you feel like a soundless mouse in my house, it sounds like that is the limb that might need to be vented.

The neck is a fifth limb. Many animals have two arms and two legs and one other extremity, their neck. They use their neck, vocal cord, jaw and teeth both offensively and defensively. Lions roar, bears growl, dogs bark and wolves snarl. The sound produces fears that can immobilize their prey. Herd animals will use vocalization to alert the herd of the predator’s presence. Many times it is the jaws of a predator that will rip their prey apart.

The best way to vent the stress in the fifth limb is to scream at the top of your lungs several times. But this must be done in a socially acceptable manner. Never scream at a person. I live in the rural countryside and my dog is a free-range dog. When it is mealtime and my dog is up and about; I call my dog very loudly.

I yell so loud that I can hear my voice being echoed back to me from nearby hills and mountains. My voice carries about a mile. The call is so strong that it borders on a roar. It is a very good feeling. It gives me a sense of great strength, like I could split a mountain in two just with my voice alone. I feel strong to my core. It is a great stress reliever or normalizer. And it is socially acceptable in the countryside.

One might try howling like a wolf at the moon. There is an individual in New York City that howls at the subway cars as they pass by deep down in the subway stations. But there are other ways to scream in a socially acceptable manner. A singer can do this if it is a very powerful song. A barker in the county fair can do this. A fan at a rock concert can sing along at the top of their lungs. Some commuters sing along to the tune on the radio at the top of their lungs while they are driving down the road. A spectator at a sports event can do this in cheering on their team. Even a Girl Scout can practice barking in front of the local grocery store when she sells Girl Scout cookies. Or find yourself a soundproof room.

But remember the Golden Rule: Never scream AT someone. Because this would be interpreted as an attack, a verbal assault.


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breaks0
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01 Jun 2019, 1:13 am

jimmy m wrote:
Welcome to Wrong Planet.

I guess the first step is to take one of those on-line tests for Aspergers.
The next step is to read up on the condition and make a list of your traits that match the condition.
At that point you might discuss the matter with your mom or the rest of your family.
You might seek an official assessment.

Many Aspies communicate better in writing rather than verbally. It gives us time to think about what we wish to say and allows us to speak in detail and accuracy. So you might try and communicate more in writing.

Aspies tend to deal with a lot of stress over our lifetime. Stress is cumulative in nature. Unless the stress is relieved it can overflow into distress. The middle brain controls the "fight or flight" response. During a stressful situation our body releases a cascade of hormones into our nervous system and muscles. As humans we have five limbs. The fifth limb is our neck/vocal cords/jaw. Since you said that you feel like a soundless mouse in my house, it sounds like that is the limb that might need to be vented.

The neck is a fifth limb. Many animals have two arms and two legs and one other extremity, their neck. They use their neck, vocal cord, jaw and teeth both offensively and defensively. Lions roar, bears growl, dogs bark and wolves snarl. The sound produces fears that can immobilize their prey. Herd animals will use vocalization to alert the herd of the predator’s presence. Many times it is the jaws of a predator that will rip their prey apart.

The best way to vent the stress in the fifth limb is to scream at the top of your lungs several times. But this must be done in a socially acceptable manner. Never scream at a person. I live in the rural countryside and my dog is a free-range dog. When it is mealtime and my dog is up and about; I call my dog very loudly.

I yell so loud that I can hear my voice being echoed back to me from nearby hills and mountains. My voice carries about a mile. The call is so strong that it borders on a roar. It is a very good feeling. It gives me a sense of great strength, like I could split a mountain in two just with my voice alone. I feel strong to my core. It is a great stress reliever or normalizer. And it is socially acceptable in the countryside.

One might try howling like a wolf at the moon. There is an individual in New York City that howls at the subway cars as they pass by deep down in the subway stations. But there are other ways to scream in a socially acceptable manner. A singer can do this if it is a very powerful song. A barker in the county fair can do this. A fan at a rock concert can sing along at the top of their lungs. Some commuters sing along to the tune on the radio at the top of their lungs while they are driving down the road. A spectator at a sports event can do this in cheering on their team. Even a Girl Scout can practice barking in front of the local grocery store when she sells Girl Scout cookies. Or find yourself a soundproof room.

But remember the Golden Rule: Never scream AT someone. Because this would be interpreted as an attack, a verbal assault.

Still giving the scream advice, Jimmy? Ok whatever works.



magnum233
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01 Jun 2019, 2:04 am

Upstairs_Monk wrote:
I am an alien. I am a soundless mouse in my house. My home is a person. Whenever I have an interaction with a family member it doesn't end well. "Because that's what you do, you walk away." I can't explain my pain and You definitely can't understand it. I'm an undiagnosed woman with ASD and I can't communicate with my family about why I am the way I am and every time I try it is met with denial or laughter or anger. Misunderstanding is the worst thing about being this kind of alien, it just doesn't work. My home is a person and mom is not my home.


Hi I know what your going through I experienced this much as a kid. The feeling that people aren't listening to you behaving like your telling fibs. It makes you feel worthless knowing this problem won't go away but no one will listen. I just want to let you know your not alone in this struggle which despite overwhelming proof that autism exists in adults there are still those today who choose to ignore it. It always hurts the most when its those closest that choose to ignore. I'm glad you found wrong planet it is a place of refuge when there are little others to turn too. Be safe.


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magz
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01 Jun 2019, 4:03 am

I've gone throught this, too. Systematic denial until I had no idea what was real and what was fake. Or cold, deep rage of my mother, powerful as a glacier. I learned to avoid. Put a mask on and go throught what needs to be gone through. Until some limit broke and I became insane.
Now I'm sane but not fully healed. But I don't live with my parents any more.

If you want some advice, seek allies. Maybe a therapist. Someone who validates your feelings. This is where you gain experience in talking about your feelings - you can't do it with people who react with attack.
Slowly, you may learn to explain at least a bit to your family. At least enough for them to leave you alone.


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timf
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02 Jun 2019, 12:34 pm

You may have selective mustism. Many Asperger women have it as the crippling level of anxiety is probably related to a neurology that accentuates sensory input.

It can only result in misunderstandings as communication is virtually shut down. The longer term solution is going to be developing workable strategies to reduce anxiety. The short term may require some creativity to develop alternative strategies for communicating with people like family members.

Sometimes people find writing notes allows a sufficient reduction in anxiety to provide a work around. It maybe that even composing a note can be too high a hurdle. You may wish to express here what you would like to say and ask someone to write it for you. You could then print it out and give it or leave it for the person with whom you need to communicate.

Relationships need communication. If you cannot find an alternative method, remaining silent will just cause others to assume you disregard them.



quite an extreme
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02 Jun 2019, 2:12 pm

Upstairs_Monk wrote:
I am an alien.

That's why we are here. Nice to meet you!
Upstairs_Monk wrote:
I am a soundless mouse in my house. My home is a person.

Sounds not so good. Once you need emotional help just ask the forum but keep in mind that most people here are a little bit different to normal people. Beside of this do several people here face the same issues that you have and for this they may provide a little bit help with this.


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HappyFriendlyUser
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03 Jun 2019, 6:38 am

Upstairs_Monk wrote:
I am an alien. I am a soundless mouse in my house. My home is a person. Whenever I have an interaction with a family member it doesn't end well. "Because that's what you do, you walk away." I can't explain my pain and You definitely can't understand it. I'm an undiagnosed woman with ASD and I can't communicate with my family about why I am the way I am and every time I try it is met with denial or laughter or anger. Misunderstanding is the worst thing about being this kind of alien, it just doesn't work. My home is a person and mom is not my home.


First off, you are not an alien. You are a human being like the rest of us. Remember that.

Secondly, I'm sorry to hear about your negative social experiences with your family members. You deserve positive experiences instead, so I am sharing a few simple tips which may be very helpful.

1. Think about your strengths. Everyone has them. Think of an accomplishment (even a small one). Anything to make you think positive. For example, you're asking for help, which is a strength, because we all encounter obstacles that cannot be overcame by ourselves.

2. After identifying your strengths, think positively about yourself by using your strengths as proof. Treat yourself the same way you would to your best friend.

3. Challenge your negative thoughts with positive ones. For example, do you have any objective evidence that all the negative things you're saying to yourself are true? Wouldn't you feel better to just ditch the negative thoughts and focus on the positive ones instead?

Next time someone attempts to demoralise you, think positive thoughts about yourself. Maybe tell your family members that their reaction to your struggles is damaging your mental health and to society as a whole. There is objective evidence that if they took the time to listen to your problems, then both you and your family members will feel happy about themselves.

I hope these tips will help you out and have uplifted your spirit. I also hope I have helped improve your relationship with your family members and with people in general.