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Kalyke
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Joined: 6 May 2016
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 13

11 Jun 2019, 9:13 am

Apparently, I joined this forum in 2016. Back then, I had a job and probably did not have much time for this. In 2016, I nearly died of a disease I now know I have which can cause sudden death at any time. My anxiety level is through the roof. I was diagnosed with Bi-polar and was drugged like crazy. I knew I had Aspergers (now HFA). I've known that for quite a while. Although I score pretty high on some of the tests I have taken, I have not been able to get an actual appointment with a professional who can diagnose me properly mostly due to money. (Neurodiverse 167/200, Non-autistic 43/200). I have not found another job due to both my flair-ups inability to conform, self-loathing, fear of dealing with people (I'm Pavlov's dog because this has gotten much worse). Because of constant failure, I avoid most interaction with anyone. I become hyper-critical of the motives of others. Etc. I would even say that in a small way I am afraid that I will be diagnosed with Bi-polar again or something worse. The drugs they had me on caused anaphylactic shock and hallucinations and got me even more depressed. I am pretty sure I am afraid of Psychiatrists.

I guess I do have a question (have edited for this). Aspergers has been around a long time. Most of the literature is written for children, and it is good that schools are looking out for things like this. When I was a kid, children did not have insurance, and kids were not taken care of in the way they are now. I really try to "hide" the way I actually feel because any time I stated out loud what I thought, it was taken wrong. (This has been the way all my life). Hiding has given me more than one personality -- but now both are really depressed. When I was a child, it was common to be punched around by people literally. They were not bullies back then. Pretty much everyone avoided me, called me arrogant, and belittled me in some way. (Actually my whole family were the butts of jokes in school). Simply being in a room with other people made me hide and often cry. Now, looking for a job, I have a very bad habit of breaking down and crying at interviews.

I simply cannot get through an interview. No one wants to hire me because I hate myself. I can't even fake not hating myself. I am really on the verge of the thing that you do not say in front of psychiatrists. I do not see any point in this since I have lost all jobs from the beginning and have no money for retirement.

Anyway, that is all for now.



Mona Pereth
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Posts: 921
Location: New York City (Queens)

11 Jun 2019, 8:33 pm

Kalyke wrote:
I knew I had Aspergers (now HFA). I've known that for quite a while. Although I score pretty high on some of the tests I have taken, I have not been able to get an actual appointment with a professional who can diagnose me properly mostly due to money.

Do you live in a major metropolitan area or in/near a university town? If so, and if you can't get an ASD diagnosis covered by insurance, see if you can find some place where psychology grad student "externs" work under the direction of a licensed psychologist. That costs a LOT less money (but has much longer waiting lists). See if you can get a referral from your local branch of the Autism Society or similar organization.

In what general area do you live? Perhaps someone here on WP might be able to help you find something.

Kalyke wrote:
When I was a kid, children did not have insurance, and kids were not taken care of in the way they are now.

When we were kids, the very idea of "Asperger's syndrome" or "high functioning autism" was completely unknown. "Autism" was believed to be childhood schizophrenia, and only the most severely disabled kids (from well-to-do families) got diagnosed with it. And the available treatments were, for the most part, pretty darned awful.


_________________
- Finally diagnosed with ASD in May 2019, after having suspected it for over ten years, and after having deeply explored the autism community for over one year while waiting for and obtaining diagnosis.
- In longterm relationship with boyfriend who was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome in 2001.
- Long history of participation in various oddball subcultures.
- My "Getting to know each other" thread: Hello from NYC.


Kalyke
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Joined: 6 May 2016
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 13

11 Jun 2019, 10:20 pm

Thanks for the response. I can see we are about the same age. Most things I read or see about Aspergers or HFA has to do with children or teens who have caring loving parents who are willing to go out of their way for them. That's great to see. The thing is that Asperger identified the syndrome in 1947 or so meaning it has probably been around for 100s of years, but no one decided to "Identify" it. And also remember that Psychology and Psychiatry or any study of behavior or the brain are not old either. So there could be people with Aspergers out there who are 80-90 years old. My problem is that I believe that I was misdiagnosed with "bipolar" (or it could be a co-morbidity) and that much of my "depression" is directly tied to my Aspergers (HFA). I really do not know who can properly "diagnose" you. My bipolar was a series of about 5 questions, so I figure an 11-year-old can do it. I am pretty sure the doctor just asked the question wrong. And it is easier to prescribe drugs than deal with a real human being and their problems.

Mona Pereth wrote:
Do you live in a major metropolitan area or in/near a university town? If so, and if you can't get an ASD diagnosis covered by insurance, see if you can find some place where psychology grad student "externs" work under the direction of a licensed psychologist. That costs a LOT less money (but has much longer waiting lists). See if you can get a referral from your local branch of the Autism Society or similar organization.

In what general area do you live? Perhaps someone here on WP might be able to help you find something.


I am in a tiny town in New Mexico where the Psychiatrists are overwhelmed with crack addicts (or addiction to pain relievers) and unemployed/homeless people. They have no time for fancy stuff. I think a lot of people think since I have made it this far, why should I care? I have lived in a large town in the past. I just got a Master's degree and am looking for work but find it hard to find suitable employment due to my social problems. I have lived in large towns in the past, and am trying to get to one, but it will be several years to save up enough to get out of here. That is a few more years of depression and no friends. I don't think I can stand the idea.

Mona Pereth wrote:
When we were kids, the very idea of "Asperger's syndrome" or "high functioning autism" was completely unknown. "Autism" was believed to be childhood schizophrenia, and only the most severely disabled kids (from well-to-do families) got diagnosed with it. And the available treatments were, for the most part, pretty darned awful.


Exactly. Same thing with learning disabilities. There was a blame the victim mentality too. If you can't learn math, then you just aren't trying hard enough.



CockneyRebel
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13 Jun 2019, 11:36 pm

Welcome to WP! :D


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Mona Pereth
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14 Jun 2019, 8:26 pm

Kalyke wrote:
I am in a tiny town in New Mexico where the Psychiatrists are overwhelmed with crack addicts (or addiction to pain relievers) and unemployed/homeless people. They have no time for fancy stuff. I think a lot of people think since I have made it this far, why should I care? I have lived in a large town in the past. I just got a Master's degree and am looking for work but find it hard to find suitable employment due to my social problems. I have lived in large towns in the past, and am trying to get to one, but it will be several years to save up enough to get out of here. That is a few more years of depression and no friends. I don't think I can stand the idea.

There is an Autism Society of New Mexico with local groups in the cities and towns listed here. Have you tried calling them for advice on how to get an affordable adult diagnosis?


_________________
- Finally diagnosed with ASD in May 2019, after having suspected it for over ten years, and after having deeply explored the autism community for over one year while waiting for and obtaining diagnosis.
- In longterm relationship with boyfriend who was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome in 2001.
- Long history of participation in various oddball subcultures.
- My "Getting to know each other" thread: Hello from NYC.