Does Age Have Any Effect?
27 Jun 2019, 8:12 pm
Mountain Goat wrote:
Persephone29 wrote:
Now, at 50, they both wear me out. I'm less likely to 'act out,' although I can still do damage with my poison pen.
Question. Occasionally...(These may happen twice a year or once every few years so they are not that often) I get what I call a claustrophobic brain, where I feel pressure building up in my mind and also my mind brings up all sorts of past failings. Things I should have said or done etc. I have had to really be careful when I am feeling like this that I don't write letters to people to try to explain the past, as while I am thinking in this way I could write something that might be taken the wrong way or hurt someone... As other people may have even forgotton anything about it. I remember once that I wrote a letter which after I wrote it I had release from the feelings of claustrophobic pressure, and I sent it. But my fear was that I do not want to hurt anyone. I did find the pressure sudenly lift after writing, but I was tired... These events... I noticed they happened in the evenings... Usually winter evenings when it is dark and quiet outside. I would feel claustrophobic and pressurized, and many ofter feelings... I wanted it to suddenly be daytlime and be a an out of town shopping centre where I could see people going about their daily lives as a way of reassuring my mind that everything is ok... (If that makes sense?)... Very hard to describe, but all the feelings and thoughts would start to build up, and mh mind would be thinking fast. Unusual as I am a slow but very deep thinker, but during these times my mind could go like the clappers thinking about all sorts of things and I would want to find the handbrake to slow it down! Haha!
I do not know what these odd occasions are, but when you said about poisioned pen, it almost sounds like you have had the same.
The odd thing about them is that I feel them building up and up and gettinb worse and worse and them just when I feel like it can't get any worse, and that I can't cope... Then release... I am then suddenly like a dead calm sea. I am tired and exhausted, but I am peacefully calm. I then go to bed and get some sleep!
It puzzles me why I don't get them in the day, but thinking about it, it could be that at night I want it to suddenly be day and to aatch people going about daily life as a re-assurance to my mind that all is ok? And maybe in the day I can see that it is all ok? Or it could be that in the dark winter nights is when I am under pressure from having a claustrophobic brain because if I go outside, then everyone is indoors and where I live is a rural place... I do not know.
Yes, I may get these in the day and my mind is able to cope so I don't notice so much other then feeling pressure? I just don't know.
Is a mix of stress, lonliness, claustrophobia, homesickness (Even though I am at home!), hurt, emotional pain, panic, .... When it builds up and my mind goes fast it is like my brain wants to swell to cope with its rappid thoughts and my skull is not able to provide this feature so the pressure comes!
I don't get these often and when I do I am thinking that maybe something causss them like stress during the day? The last time I had one was when I heard the news that HST's (Trains) were no longer going to be used in and out of London on express passenger services, and it hit me so deeply. It was like time had suddenly shifted... Goalposts had not only moved but dissapeared! The odd feeling of massive change which hit me and I was not ready for it... And it caused me to get one of these emotional pressureized events... I can still type and function but I have to be very careful if I type, and even more careful if I write... As though typing can bring release from the pressure, it can also hurt other people, as I am not in a calm logical thinking mindframe, so I may type something without restraint if rhat makes sense? I am like a car zooming along at warp speed without brakes!
I can identify with everything you've said. I've done the same. I'll take hold of a thought and I can't let go. I do it much less now, but I used to write and push SEND! It still gets me into trouble, but I'm much better today. Now, if I get the urge, I write it on paper (which wears me out with emotions and concentration) and then I throw it in the fireplace. It's amazing how it can still help even if I don't send it to the person.
_________________
Disagreeing with you doesn't mean I hate you, it just means we disagree.
Neurocognitive exam in May 2019, diagnosed with ASD, Asperger's type in June 2019.
Dear_one
Veteran
Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 75
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,717
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines
28 Jun 2019, 4:26 am
Persephone29 wrote:
Mountain Goat wrote:
Persephone29 wrote:
Now, at 50, they both wear me out. I'm less likely to 'act out,' although I can still do damage with my poison pen.
Question. Occasionally...(These may happen twice a year or once every few years so they are not that often) I get what I call a claustrophobic brain, where I feel pressure building up in my mind and also my mind brings up all sorts of past failings. Things I should have said or done etc. I have had to really be careful when I am feeling like this that I don't write letters to people to try to explain the past, as while I am thinking in this way I could write something that might be taken the wrong way or hurt someone... As other people may have even forgotton anything about it. I remember once that I wrote a letter which after I wrote it I had release from the feelings of claustrophobic pressure, and I sent it. But my fear was that I do not want to hurt anyone. I did find the pressure sudenly lift after writing, but I was tired... These events... I noticed they happened in the evenings... Usually winter evenings when it is dark and quiet outside. I would feel claustrophobic and pressurized, and many ofter feelings... I wanted it to suddenly be daytlime and be a an out of town shopping centre where I could see people going about their daily lives as a way of reassuring my mind that everything is ok... (If that makes sense?)... Very hard to describe, but all the feelings and thoughts would start to build up, and mh mind would be thinking fast. Unusual as I am a slow but very deep thinker, but during these times my mind could go like the clappers thinking about all sorts of things and I would want to find the handbrake to slow it down! Haha!
I do not know what these odd occasions are, but when you said about poisioned pen, it almost sounds like you have had the same.
The odd thing about them is that I feel them building up and up and gettinb worse and worse and them just when I feel like it can't get any worse, and that I can't cope... Then release... I am then suddenly like a dead calm sea. I am tired and exhausted, but I am peacefully calm. I then go to bed and get some sleep!
It puzzles me why I don't get them in the day, but thinking about it, it could be that at night I want it to suddenly be day and to aatch people going about daily life as a re-assurance to my mind that all is ok? And maybe in the day I can see that it is all ok? Or it could be that in the dark winter nights is when I am under pressure from having a claustrophobic brain because if I go outside, then everyone is indoors and where I live is a rural place... I do not know.
Yes, I may get these in the day and my mind is able to cope so I don't notice so much other then feeling pressure? I just don't know.
Is a mix of stress, lonliness, claustrophobia, homesickness (Even though I am at home!), hurt, emotional pain, panic, .... When it builds up and my mind goes fast it is like my brain wants to swell to cope with its rappid thoughts and my skull is not able to provide this feature so the pressure comes!
I don't get these often and when I do I am thinking that maybe something causss them like stress during the day? The last time I had one was when I heard the news that HST's (Trains) were no longer going to be used in and out of London on express passenger services, and it hit me so deeply. It was like time had suddenly shifted... Goalposts had not only moved but dissapeared! The odd feeling of massive change which hit me and I was not ready for it... And it caused me to get one of these emotional pressureized events... I can still type and function but I have to be very careful if I type, and even more careful if I write... As though typing can bring release from the pressure, it can also hurt other people, as I am not in a calm logical thinking mindframe, so I may type something without restraint if rhat makes sense? I am like a car zooming along at warp speed without brakes!
I can identify with everything you've said. I've done the same. I'll take hold of a thought and I can't let go. I do it much less now, but I used to write and push SEND! It still gets me into trouble, but I'm much better today. Now, if I get the urge, I write it on paper (which wears me out with emotions and concentration) and then I throw it in the fireplace. It's amazing how it can still help even if I don't send it to the person.
I wrote on paper and I have sent them in the post... I sent them as a way of trying to prevent the claustrophobic brain thing happening again, as in theory, the more things I can put right in my mind, the less chance I have of having one of these episodes, though I doubt it works like that.
Question. Is it possible the above situations maybe a form of a meltdown? Or is it a accumilated build up of stress? Just asking because I believe the energy loss situations I have are partisl shutdowns and with an enquizative mind that I have, I was thinking, maybe these rare events could be related to a meltdown? I just do not know, as when I read about what others get which are meltdowns, it does not seem to be the same. And if they are meltdowns, how come I can have almost regular partial shutdowns and meltdowns would be relatively rare...
It could just be me, that now I am exploring my own mind and experiences, trying to work things out.... As somethings may never have an explanation as they may be unique to just me! Who knows.
If they are a form of meltdown, then by the descriptions of what some of you guys get which are many times more severe, as I have the ability to write etc. So what I get may not be a meltdown. May just be a build up of pressure/stress looking for a way to escape. Who knows! Haha! But I am a rather unique person, after all.
_________________
.
28 Jun 2019, 2:05 pm
Mountain Goat wrote:
Persephone29 wrote:
Mountain Goat wrote:
Persephone29 wrote:
Now, at 50, they both wear me out. I'm less likely to 'act out,' although I can still do damage with my poison pen.
Question. Occasionally...(These may happen twice a year or once every few years so they are not that often) I get what I call a claustrophobic brain, where I feel pressure building up in my mind and also my mind brings up all sorts of past failings. Things I should have said or done etc. I have had to really be careful when I am feeling like this that I don't write letters to people to try to explain the past, as while I am thinking in this way I could write something that might be taken the wrong way or hurt someone... As other people may have even forgotton anything about it. I remember once that I wrote a letter which after I wrote it I had release from the feelings of claustrophobic pressure, and I sent it. But my fear was that I do not want to hurt anyone. I did find the pressure sudenly lift after writing, but I was tired... These events... I noticed they happened in the evenings... Usually winter evenings when it is dark and quiet outside. I would feel claustrophobic and pressurized, and many ofter feelings... I wanted it to suddenly be daytlime and be a an out of town shopping centre where I could see people going about their daily lives as a way of reassuring my mind that everything is ok... (If that makes sense?)... Very hard to describe, but all the feelings and thoughts would start to build up, and mh mind would be thinking fast. Unusual as I am a slow but very deep thinker, but during these times my mind could go like the clappers thinking about all sorts of things and I would want to find the handbrake to slow it down! Haha!
I do not know what these odd occasions are, but when you said about poisioned pen, it almost sounds like you have had the same.
The odd thing about them is that I feel them building up and up and gettinb worse and worse and them just when I feel like it can't get any worse, and that I can't cope... Then release... I am then suddenly like a dead calm sea. I am tired and exhausted, but I am peacefully calm. I then go to bed and get some sleep!
It puzzles me why I don't get them in the day, but thinking about it, it could be that at night I want it to suddenly be day and to aatch people going about daily life as a re-assurance to my mind that all is ok? And maybe in the day I can see that it is all ok? Or it could be that in the dark winter nights is when I am under pressure from having a claustrophobic brain because if I go outside, then everyone is indoors and where I live is a rural place... I do not know.
Yes, I may get these in the day and my mind is able to cope so I don't notice so much other then feeling pressure? I just don't know.
Is a mix of stress, lonliness, claustrophobia, homesickness (Even though I am at home!), hurt, emotional pain, panic, .... When it builds up and my mind goes fast it is like my brain wants to swell to cope with its rappid thoughts and my skull is not able to provide this feature so the pressure comes!
I don't get these often and when I do I am thinking that maybe something causss them like stress during the day? The last time I had one was when I heard the news that HST's (Trains) were no longer going to be used in and out of London on express passenger services, and it hit me so deeply. It was like time had suddenly shifted... Goalposts had not only moved but dissapeared! The odd feeling of massive change which hit me and I was not ready for it... And it caused me to get one of these emotional pressureized events... I can still type and function but I have to be very careful if I type, and even more careful if I write... As though typing can bring release from the pressure, it can also hurt other people, as I am not in a calm logical thinking mindframe, so I may type something without restraint if rhat makes sense? I am like a car zooming along at warp speed without brakes!
I can identify with everything you've said. I've done the same. I'll take hold of a thought and I can't let go. I do it much less now, but I used to write and push SEND! It still gets me into trouble, but I'm much better today. Now, if I get the urge, I write it on paper (which wears me out with emotions and concentration) and then I throw it in the fireplace. It's amazing how it can still help even if I don't send it to the person.
I wrote on paper and I have sent them in the post... I sent them as a way of trying to prevent the claustrophobic brain thing happening again, as in theory, the more things I can put right in my mind, the less chance I have of having one of these episodes, though I doubt it works like that.
Question. Is it possible the above situations maybe a form of a meltdown? Or is it a accumilated build up of stress? Just asking because I believe the energy loss situations I have are partisl shutdowns and with an enquizative mind that I have, I was thinking, maybe these rare events could be related to a meltdown? I just do not know, as when I read about what others get which are meltdowns, it does not seem to be the same. And if they are meltdowns, how come I can have almost regular partial shutdowns and meltdowns would be relatively rare...
It could just be me, that now I am exploring my own mind and experiences, trying to work things out.... As somethings may never have an explanation as they may be unique to just me! Who knows.
If they are a form of meltdown, then by the descriptions of what some of you guys get which are many times more severe, as I have the ability to write etc. So what I get may not be a meltdown. May just be a build up of pressure/stress looking for a way to escape. Who knows! Haha! But I am a rather unique person, after all.
I definitely see it as a part of my meltdown process. It doesn't always happen this way for me. I've become better at not sending letters, but worse at screaming. I can be a wreck. I try and keep it from going that far, by trying to discuss it, when possible. When it does go that far, someone is going down and it's usually me. I don't think I've been much of a help Mountain Goat, but at least I'm company.
_________________
Disagreeing with you doesn't mean I hate you, it just means we disagree.
Neurocognitive exam in May 2019, diagnosed with ASD, Asperger's type in June 2019.
28 Jun 2019, 2:45 pm
You have been a great help.
Before I came on this site I didn't know much at all. I only had a few theories. I have found out so much by asking questions... These are questions I would have never asked or thought about without hearing other peoples experiences. Hearing these experiences and suddenly realizing that what was described was something that I did or had was an eyeopener and I went from shock to shock to shock. In a single day about a week in two ago I found three things within an afternoon! These are things which I always assumed were just quirks of my individual character. I never knew that they had anything to do with autistic traits.
Do I have high functioning autism? I guess it depends on the criteria, as understandably, it depends on the assessment and how much is considered an issue and how much is not. And to me two areas I find to be an issue. One is partial shutdowns. The other is, at the moment in time I do not feel up to much. I can't put my finger on why... A warm sunny day outside. Yet, here I am in the house unable to find the energy or motivation to take advantage of the day. And the things which I took for granted and did without thinking I find soo difficult to do... and I am worried about it. For example, I try not to work on bikes for people, but a family friend dropped off two bikes knowing I can fix them. Usually it would take me a couple of hours or a day to do them as both need quite a bit of work, but nothing I can't handle. However, I have hardly started, as I either do not feel up to it, or the times I have gone to make a start, I have had partial shutdowns start. So, so anoying, as next month I am supposed to be working part time for a temporary months employment... And I thought these two bikes would be ideal to get me back into it.... but I am going to have to refuse, as there is no way at the moment I can do the job. What is wrong wirh me? I just don't know.
I am really hoping that I will improve in the future and that this is a temporary thing, as I am not normally this bad, and I don't know how to pull myself out of it.
_________________
.
28 Jun 2019, 4:52 pm
Mountain Goat wrote:
You have been a great help.
Before I came on this site I didn't know much at all. I only had a few theories. I have found out so much by asking questions... These are questions I would have never asked or thought about without hearing other peoples experiences. Hearing these experiences and suddenly realizing that what was described was something that I did or had was an eyeopener and I went from shock to shock to shock. In a single day about a week in two ago I found three things within an afternoon! These are things which I always assumed were just quirks of my individual character. I never knew that they had anything to do with autistic traits.
Do I have high functioning autism? I guess it depends on the criteria, as understandably, it depends on the assessment and how much is considered an issue and how much is not. And to me two areas I find to be an issue. One is partial shutdowns. The other is, at the moment in time I do not feel up to much. I can't put my finger on why... A warm sunny day outside. Yet, here I am in the house unable to find the energy or motivation to take advantage of the day. And the things which I took for granted and did without thinking I find soo difficult to do... and I am worried about it. For example, I try not to work on bikes for people, but a family friend dropped off two bikes knowing I can fix them. Usually it would take me a couple of hours or a day to do them as both need quite a bit of work, but nothing I can't handle. However, I have hardly started, as I either do not feel up to it, or the times I have gone to make a start, I have had partial shutdowns start. So, so anoying, as next month I am supposed to be working part time for a temporary months employment... And I thought these two bikes would be ideal to get me back into it.... but I am going to have to refuse, as there is no way at the moment I can do the job. What is wrong wirh me? I just don't know.
I am really hoping that I will improve in the future and that this is a temporary thing, as I am not normally this bad, and I don't know how to pull myself out of it.
Before I came on this site I didn't know much at all. I only had a few theories. I have found out so much by asking questions... These are questions I would have never asked or thought about without hearing other peoples experiences. Hearing these experiences and suddenly realizing that what was described was something that I did or had was an eyeopener and I went from shock to shock to shock. In a single day about a week in two ago I found three things within an afternoon! These are things which I always assumed were just quirks of my individual character. I never knew that they had anything to do with autistic traits.
Do I have high functioning autism? I guess it depends on the criteria, as understandably, it depends on the assessment and how much is considered an issue and how much is not. And to me two areas I find to be an issue. One is partial shutdowns. The other is, at the moment in time I do not feel up to much. I can't put my finger on why... A warm sunny day outside. Yet, here I am in the house unable to find the energy or motivation to take advantage of the day. And the things which I took for granted and did without thinking I find soo difficult to do... and I am worried about it. For example, I try not to work on bikes for people, but a family friend dropped off two bikes knowing I can fix them. Usually it would take me a couple of hours or a day to do them as both need quite a bit of work, but nothing I can't handle. However, I have hardly started, as I either do not feel up to it, or the times I have gone to make a start, I have had partial shutdowns start. So, so anoying, as next month I am supposed to be working part time for a temporary months employment... And I thought these two bikes would be ideal to get me back into it.... but I am going to have to refuse, as there is no way at the moment I can do the job. What is wrong wirh me? I just don't know.
I am really hoping that I will improve in the future and that this is a temporary thing, as I am not normally this bad, and I don't know how to pull myself out of it.
The NTs would call it procrastination, but I have shutdown on many an occasion. I know that if I set my mind to it I can do it really fast. Which makes my reluctance to begin worse and causes undo anxiety. I have found that if I bring the body, the mind will follow. If I make my body move toward the task, make my hand pick up whatever, then my mind can be talked into it. There's something else in us (all of us), there's more than a mind and a body. I guess maybe it's a 'spirit' that we can tap into.
_________________
Disagreeing with you doesn't mean I hate you, it just means we disagree.
Neurocognitive exam in May 2019, diagnosed with ASD, Asperger's type in June 2019.
Dear_one
Veteran
Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 75
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,717
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines
28 Jun 2019, 5:26 pm
Persephone29 wrote:
The NTs would call it procrastination, but I have shutdown on many an occasion. I know that if I set my mind to it I can do it really fast. Which makes my reluctance to begin worse and causes undo anxiety. I have found that if I bring the body, the mind will follow. If I make my body move toward the task, make my hand pick up whatever, then my mind can be talked into it. There's something else in us (all of us), there's more than a mind and a body. I guess maybe it's a 'spirit' that we can tap into.
I had an interesting one once. I was expected to go and discuss a job anytime one afternoon, and I found myself sitting in my chair, ready to go but not moving. If I'd been reading something, an hour could have passed without notice, but I was just sitting. After about ten minutes, I got interested in understanding my inertia, and finally, after another ten, I tested the hypothesis that I'd become paralyzed by getting up and leaving. Thus, I was in the right place to meet and greet a close compatriot who had just moved to my city unannounced.
28 Jun 2019, 6:09 pm
Persephone29 wrote:
Mountain Goat wrote:
You have been a great help.
Before I came on this site I didn't know much at all. I only had a few theories. I have found out so much by asking questions... These are questions I would have never asked or thought about without hearing other peoples experiences. Hearing these experiences and suddenly realizing that what was described was something that I did or had was an eyeopener and I went from shock to shock to shock. In a single day about a week in two ago I found three things within an afternoon! These are things which I always assumed were just quirks of my individual character. I never knew that they had anything to do with autistic traits.
Do I have high functioning autism? I guess it depends on the criteria, as understandably, it depends on the assessment and how much is considered an issue and how much is not. And to me two areas I find to be an issue. One is partial shutdowns. The other is, at the moment in time I do not feel up to much. I can't put my finger on why... A warm sunny day outside. Yet, here I am in the house unable to find the energy or motivation to take advantage of the day. And the things which I took for granted and did without thinking I find soo difficult to do... and I am worried about it. For example, I try not to work on bikes for people, but a family friend dropped off two bikes knowing I can fix them. Usually it would take me a couple of hours or a day to do them as both need quite a bit of work, but nothing I can't handle. However, I have hardly started, as I either do not feel up to it, or the times I have gone to make a start, I have had partial shutdowns start. So, so anoying, as next month I am supposed to be working part time for a temporary months employment... And I thought these two bikes would be ideal to get me back into it.... but I am going to have to refuse, as there is no way at the moment I can do the job. What is wrong wirh me? I just don't know.
I am really hoping that I will improve in the future and that this is a temporary thing, as I am not normally this bad, and I don't know how to pull myself out of it.
Before I came on this site I didn't know much at all. I only had a few theories. I have found out so much by asking questions... These are questions I would have never asked or thought about without hearing other peoples experiences. Hearing these experiences and suddenly realizing that what was described was something that I did or had was an eyeopener and I went from shock to shock to shock. In a single day about a week in two ago I found three things within an afternoon! These are things which I always assumed were just quirks of my individual character. I never knew that they had anything to do with autistic traits.
Do I have high functioning autism? I guess it depends on the criteria, as understandably, it depends on the assessment and how much is considered an issue and how much is not. And to me two areas I find to be an issue. One is partial shutdowns. The other is, at the moment in time I do not feel up to much. I can't put my finger on why... A warm sunny day outside. Yet, here I am in the house unable to find the energy or motivation to take advantage of the day. And the things which I took for granted and did without thinking I find soo difficult to do... and I am worried about it. For example, I try not to work on bikes for people, but a family friend dropped off two bikes knowing I can fix them. Usually it would take me a couple of hours or a day to do them as both need quite a bit of work, but nothing I can't handle. However, I have hardly started, as I either do not feel up to it, or the times I have gone to make a start, I have had partial shutdowns start. So, so anoying, as next month I am supposed to be working part time for a temporary months employment... And I thought these two bikes would be ideal to get me back into it.... but I am going to have to refuse, as there is no way at the moment I can do the job. What is wrong wirh me? I just don't know.
I am really hoping that I will improve in the future and that this is a temporary thing, as I am not normally this bad, and I don't know how to pull myself out of it.
The NTs would call it procrastination, but I have shutdown on many an occasion. I know that if I set my mind to it I can do it really fast. Which makes my reluctance to begin worse and causes undo anxiety. I have found that if I bring the body, the mind will follow. If I make my body move toward the task, make my hand pick up whatever, then my mind can be talked into it. There's something else in us (all of us), there's more than a mind and a body. I guess maybe it's a 'spirit' that we can tap into.
Ooh. I know about spirit... You may have given me an answer.
_________________
.
28 Jun 2019, 7:44 pm
Mountain Goat wrote:
Persephone29 wrote:
Mountain Goat wrote:
You have been a great help.
Before I came on this site I didn't know much at all. I only had a few theories. I have found out so much by asking questions... These are questions I would have never asked or thought about without hearing other peoples experiences. Hearing these experiences and suddenly realizing that what was described was something that I did or had was an eyeopener and I went from shock to shock to shock. In a single day about a week in two ago I found three things within an afternoon! These are things which I always assumed were just quirks of my individual character. I never knew that they had anything to do with autistic traits.
Do I have high functioning autism? I guess it depends on the criteria, as understandably, it depends on the assessment and how much is considered an issue and how much is not. And to me two areas I find to be an issue. One is partial shutdowns. The other is, at the moment in time I do not feel up to much. I can't put my finger on why... A warm sunny day outside. Yet, here I am in the house unable to find the energy or motivation to take advantage of the day. And the things which I took for granted and did without thinking I find soo difficult to do... and I am worried about it. For example, I try not to work on bikes for people, but a family friend dropped off two bikes knowing I can fix them. Usually it would take me a couple of hours or a day to do them as both need quite a bit of work, but nothing I can't handle. However, I have hardly started, as I either do not feel up to it, or the times I have gone to make a start, I have had partial shutdowns start. So, so anoying, as next month I am supposed to be working part time for a temporary months employment... And I thought these two bikes would be ideal to get me back into it.... but I am going to have to refuse, as there is no way at the moment I can do the job. What is wrong wirh me? I just don't know.
I am really hoping that I will improve in the future and that this is a temporary thing, as I am not normally this bad, and I don't know how to pull myself out of it.
Before I came on this site I didn't know much at all. I only had a few theories. I have found out so much by asking questions... These are questions I would have never asked or thought about without hearing other peoples experiences. Hearing these experiences and suddenly realizing that what was described was something that I did or had was an eyeopener and I went from shock to shock to shock. In a single day about a week in two ago I found three things within an afternoon! These are things which I always assumed were just quirks of my individual character. I never knew that they had anything to do with autistic traits.
Do I have high functioning autism? I guess it depends on the criteria, as understandably, it depends on the assessment and how much is considered an issue and how much is not. And to me two areas I find to be an issue. One is partial shutdowns. The other is, at the moment in time I do not feel up to much. I can't put my finger on why... A warm sunny day outside. Yet, here I am in the house unable to find the energy or motivation to take advantage of the day. And the things which I took for granted and did without thinking I find soo difficult to do... and I am worried about it. For example, I try not to work on bikes for people, but a family friend dropped off two bikes knowing I can fix them. Usually it would take me a couple of hours or a day to do them as both need quite a bit of work, but nothing I can't handle. However, I have hardly started, as I either do not feel up to it, or the times I have gone to make a start, I have had partial shutdowns start. So, so anoying, as next month I am supposed to be working part time for a temporary months employment... And I thought these two bikes would be ideal to get me back into it.... but I am going to have to refuse, as there is no way at the moment I can do the job. What is wrong wirh me? I just don't know.
I am really hoping that I will improve in the future and that this is a temporary thing, as I am not normally this bad, and I don't know how to pull myself out of it.
The NTs would call it procrastination, but I have shutdown on many an occasion. I know that if I set my mind to it I can do it really fast. Which makes my reluctance to begin worse and causes undo anxiety. I have found that if I bring the body, the mind will follow. If I make my body move toward the task, make my hand pick up whatever, then my mind can be talked into it. There's something else in us (all of us), there's more than a mind and a body. I guess maybe it's a 'spirit' that we can tap into.
Ooh. I know about spirit... You may have given me an answer.
Oh boy! That makes me very happy! I hope it works for you.
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Disagreeing with you doesn't mean I hate you, it just means we disagree.
Neurocognitive exam in May 2019, diagnosed with ASD, Asperger's type in June 2019.
28 Jun 2019, 11:00 pm
I'm 68. What I've noticed is that over the years other people change their demands and, at retirement, it got a whole lot easier. Retirement for me was 55, on permanent disability.
I have been very puzzled to read of things like 'mild autism' etc. I don't know what they mean. There have been a lot of decisions about autism/asperger's since 1997 (my year of Dx) and they tend to come and go. I'm expecting 'mild' to disappear after a while.
29 Jun 2019, 3:42 am
Claradoon wrote:
I'm 68. What I've noticed is that over the years other people change their demands and, at retirement, it got a whole lot easier. Retirement for me was 55, on permanent disability.
I have been very puzzled to read of things like 'mild autism' etc. I don't know what they mean. There have been a lot of decisions about autism/asperger's since 1997 (my year of Dx) and they tend to come and go. I'm expecting 'mild' to disappear after a while.
I have been very puzzled to read of things like 'mild autism' etc. I don't know what they mean. There have been a lot of decisions about autism/asperger's since 1997 (my year of Dx) and they tend to come and go. I'm expecting 'mild' to disappear after a while.
I use the term "Mild" because I didn't know that I had autistic traits when I came in here and at the assessment, it could go either way, so it is a sort of personal protection... So if I am told that I am not on the autistic spectrum, I can say that I only have a few traits, so I am not embarissed when I find out my mind has latched onto things and it is my mind that has thought I have it when I don't. But on the other side of things, if, as I suspect, that I am on the spectrum, then I don't want people to say "You don't suffer like I do" and things like that... As in most ways I don't apart from the last few weeks, months and years when things have been a little out of hand... I don't get severe screaming meltdowns... What I experience is I shut myself in my room but I have feelings of wanting to break out... My head feels like a build up of pressure and I start bringing up situations which are unresllved from the past... (Why unresolved ones?) I can't yet fathom out why these only come on rare occasions in the evening to night... Why I don't get them in the mornings to daytimes?
I also use the term "Mild" because I get partial shutdowns and rarely have I ever had a complete shutdown where I don't know anything about it. I usually have at least some sense functioning like hearing or/and sight. I may not reply due to the effort to try to reply would wind me up and make it worse, and I have had situations where I can't make sense of what I hear until much later. It is like I hear the words, and I know what the words mean but somehow I have lost it... I mean... It is like just waking up in the morning and told to drive ones car quick, or sit an exam straight after waking up.. I am just not with it... The strange thing is when my hearing is like this is it happens to me just after I think I have come out of a partial shutdown. Is like I have just got up and seem to be functioning again... That is where it is the most vunerable. Why? Well, I can only conclude that it is because I don't want people to speak to me while I am partly shut down. I want to just lie down and close my eyes and not have distracting noises... I want to recover! Recovery is easy if I have the right enviroment and catch it early on... And also have some chocolate or something energetic..Something to feed my brain with a sudden jumpstart of energy!
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30 Jun 2019, 1:58 am
I have gotten worse and better. In 6th grade was when I got worse and it was pretty bad in my teens but I blame it on anxiety and hormones, lot of autistic kids seem to get worse in puberty. Sometimes new symptoms come but I think they have always been there but it's just because demands change, expectations, and you might not realize you have a issue with something until you are living with other people or have a certain job. I have noticed that with me. I don't think I got any worse. I have noticed I get more short tempered now but I have kids is why. I need more down time now. I also notice I am a forgetful person. I used to be more organized.
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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.
