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Feeling depressed and desperate

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Sarahsmith
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03 Jul 2019, 5:57 pm

I wish there was a way to end this. I dont know what to do. There is an old man that likes to come over to my place. I really dont like having him over. But he comes over sometimes to visit. He doesnt seem to understand that I would rather hang out with people my own age. Ive managed to stop having him over to watch movies. But dont know how to break it to him that I dont want to hang out with him. I seem to get depressed when we hang out. Like Ive said Id rather be with people my own age. I hope he never sees this. I dont know how to deal with this. My life is screwed up! Im too easy to take advantage of.

I know you guys are going to say that I need to tell him I would rather be alone. But I cant do that. He thinks we are friends. I guess we sort of are because I dont mind sitting with him at the soup kitchen. But thats where I would like it to end.



kraftiekortie
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03 Jul 2019, 6:10 pm

Has he tried anything sexual with you?



Sarahsmith
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03 Jul 2019, 6:14 pm

Not really. I just get depressed when we hang out. I want a man my age in my bedroom. Not an 81 year old.



kraftiekortie
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03 Jul 2019, 6:31 pm

I can understand that.

Aren't there men your age in the soap kitchen?



Sarahsmith
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03 Jul 2019, 6:57 pm

Nah its mostly women. Maybe Ill have more luck going to the library.



kraftiekortie
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03 Jul 2019, 7:04 pm

Library’s not bad....



funeralxempire
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03 Jul 2019, 11:44 pm

How old are you?


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Sarahsmith
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04 Jul 2019, 3:30 pm

Just turned 34



funeralxempire
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04 Jul 2019, 3:40 pm

Sarahsmith wrote:
Just turned 34


Ah, that's where I was a few months ago.

I'd never considered either the library or a soup kitchen as places to potentially meet people. I might be too cynical and clueless to offer genuinely useful advice.


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There's no such thing as a free market.
If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing. —Malcolm X
Just a reminder: under international law, an occupying power has no right of self-defense, and those who are occupied have the right and duty to liberate themselves by any means possible.


shortfatbalduglyman
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04 Jul 2019, 5:41 pm

Tell him to leave you alone

Restraining order



funeralxempire
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04 Jul 2019, 6:26 pm

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Tell him to leave you alone

Restraining order


A restraining order wouldn't be viable, he hasn't done anything that would make a judge sign one. Further, does it sound like OP can afford to hire a lawyer?


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There's no such thing as a free market.
If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing. —Malcolm X
Just a reminder: under international law, an occupying power has no right of self-defense, and those who are occupied have the right and duty to liberate themselves by any means possible.


Sarahsmith
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04 Jul 2019, 6:40 pm

I just dont have the heart to tell him to leave me alone. Im no good at stuff like that.



funeralxempire
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04 Jul 2019, 7:41 pm

Sarahsmith wrote:
I just dont have the heart to tell him to leave me alone. Im no good at stuff like that.


Don't, especially if you value having his friendship in some contexts and just don't want him following you home. You should probably tell him you're planning on having the night alone to yourself to think though, so he doesn't follow you.

He might not be invested in you at all, and might just figure it's a viable solution to ensure there's a roof over his head, at least if he's from the soup kitchen.


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There's no such thing as a free market.
If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing. —Malcolm X
Just a reminder: under international law, an occupying power has no right of self-defense, and those who are occupied have the right and duty to liberate themselves by any means possible.


Pepe
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06 Jul 2019, 7:35 am

Sarahsmith wrote:
I just dont have the heart to tell him to leave me alone. Im no good at stuff like that.


Personally, I think "honesty is the best policy".

If you tell him you don't want to hurt his feelings, still want to be casual friends, but you are not comfortable with him going into your bedroom, surely that is a good compromise.

If the 81-year-old man is compos mentis, surely he would understand and surely he would want the best for you?
But if he isn't, you are still not responsible for his feelings if you are gentle towards him.
Gentle but assertive is the way to go, imo.