I feel lonely at and jealous of others at work

Post Reply New Topic

Though I have made plenty of friends outside of work, I don't have any friend at work right now. All the while, my colleagues seem to be there for each other. Basically, they get together on the weekends, go out to lunch together. They pay attention to each other's social media posts. Meanwhile, they just ignore my posts. A couple of times, I have tried to reach out and join them but it's always awkward.

Onetime, I was on my way to pick up lunch and bring it back when I ran into a couple of women who were going to the same place but I wanted to join them. It was "No, we have some private things to talk about is that okay?" I ended up breaking down and crying.

This is why I don’t bother with people at work....

I can relate to this so much.

Yep, I've seen this. There's a guy at work, same age as me, but quite cliquey for a guy. He has the hots for this girl who works with me, and he is best friends with a guy also my age, and they're also friends with this other guy who's rather unfriendly to everyone else except these 3 people. They are all in their 20s, and I'm the only other person there their age. But I often feel totally excluded. At Halloween they booked tickets to go to this really cool Halloween-related thing (no bars or drinking involved). It was a one-off thing but sounded really fun and is something I would love to have gone to. But they didn't even think to ask if I'd like to come, and it was too awkward to invite myself along.
Also they pay attention to each other's Facebook posts, tag each other and wish each other a happy birthday. I wish them a happy birthday too on their birthdays but they've never wished me a happy birthday. So it's hard not to take it personally.

I'm a sociable person and it would really boost my self-esteem if one day I can actually say that I am going out with a group of peers from work. When they were telling me about the fun Halloween event, I did express how great it sounds and that I wish I'd got tickets to go, so I do hint interest in being invited out with people.
NTs get so wrapped up in themselves that they don't stop and think "oh, hang on, here's us having great fun together at the weekends and there's poor old Joe90 just completely excluded. She must feel upset. I know what, let's ask her if she'd like to come with us when we go ice-skating next Saturday. I mean, the more the merrier!" I mean, it wouldn't hurt, would it?

I have noticed that when someone is excluded, they tend to go into their own little world. This isn't the only time I have worked with people and had them exclude me either.

1. I worked at an amusement park, several of the women cliqued together and were there for each other. Since I was the outsider, they were not supportive of me at all. Especially when they decided not to hire me back. It was "It's all for the best. Have to go now." When I confronted them for that, I called them out for leaving me out. One of them told me "Well, I was planning on having you but the others said "No" because they didn't know how to handle you.


I worked for a warehouse under a work program and the woman who ran the company had a son with severe autism and knew I had Asperger's. Yet, she was not understanding of how people with AS function. She ran off with all the other women there and went to lunch with them and did things with them. The people who worked there seemed to bend over backward for everyone but the outsiders. If they got married or had a housewarming party, they were there for them while the boss bought them nice gifts and cards. Meanwhile, they completely snubbed my housewarming party and got me nothing in cards or gifts. If I said anything about it outside of work and they found out, it was a sin.

I do a lot of activities outside of work, but don't socialize much with people at work. I think they would like me to do more, but some events, like baby showers and wedding showers, remind me of milestones that will never happen for me. I am happy for others, of course, but I'm reminded that I'm not like normal people in any way.

I do have a good social life outside of work, however, related to activities of my choice. That helps.

Don't say that, because you never know. I did not even expect I would own my first home at 28 and let alone have a housewarming party. When I worked at that warehouse, I was jealous of the other coworker who my boss acknowledged when they had something special. The boss found out through the grapevine and held a meeting where she threw a tantrum in front of the job coach. She accused me of "Gossiping" and said I should have told her I was hurt. Yet, I never heard hear apologize or give me a reason why she didn't attend. Instead, she threw this hissy fit and left the room so I could talk to the job coach. This makes me so angry

Now...
I just feel that my colleagues seem to somehow think they are above me because they are "Normal" than I am. I am not going to call them and yell at them but at some point nor really call them out, rather let them know that my feelings have gotten hurt several times. Let them know to please be considerate and that my autism isn't going away anytime soon." However, they don't get it. They seem to think that I "Snap" at them and wonder why.

How many of your colleagues can say they own their own home at age 28?

I often thought 28 was an age where people started owning a home around that age NT or AT.