My Mum is Going Crazy

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My mum is no stranger to paranoia but she's generally pretty alright. Most of the time, the worst it gets is her worrying that we'll have a poor turnout for trivia (we host trivia), but lately it's very bad, and now her mental issues are having an adverse affect on my own mental health and contentment.

It started a week ago. She was having fears that somebody she'd corresponded with on the internet from another country months ago was coming to get us because of such things like a sports team this guy likes came to our country, and other correlations that made even less sense. My brother and I managed to talk her out of that conclusion and things subsided for about half a day. She still thinks there's "evil" after us and even went so far as to say last night that my brother and his roommates were dead and the evil was coming for us so we'd have to not leave the house and starve to death. This was easy to disprove by calling my brother. Then later last night she was yelling at something that wasn't there.

She's insinuated that we're being watched inside our house by some telepathic connection, she changed the locks because she thought someone was coming in and out of our house based on the fact that she couldn't find a few items she'd lost, she's called the police to a trivia team's house based on a feeling she had that one of them was in trouble, and more all within the last week and I'm over it.

She's making (religious) crosses and putting them all around the house. I guess to her they make her feel safe but to me all they're doing is reminding me of her craziness, and they're just everywhere. She even put some in my room after I explicitly told her I didn't want any in my room. She had my bedroom door open last night after I'd already closed it and gone to sleep, and I don't know what she was doing but she was making enough noise that she woke me up, and I have to get up at 5am so I can't be dealing with this sh!t.

I'm seriously just over it and I wish I could move out, but I can't because the two people I was going to move out with have moved out with other people and I cant afford to move out on my own. Moreover I don't know what would happen with her if I left, but I also don't think it's fair for her delusions and mental issues to be having adverse effects on my own mental and emotional health. My exasperation is following me to work, and that's not fair.

I feel trapped and I don't know what to do.

I'm not sure what to say TGI, but I wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. I hope someone here knows the Australian medical system and can direct you to appropriate services. Does your mother's doctor know about this decline in her behaviour? Is she adverse to seeing her doctor? I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this. It must be really scary.

I’m sorry this is happening to you.

It’s a very rough deal.

Has she been involved in the mental health system previously?

When my mom was getting old, sometimes she got a little loopy. Generally this was due to two types of problems. The first was caused by a urinary tract infection (UTI). The second was caused by prescription painkilling medication (narcotics). As a result I blocked that type of medicine and whenever these erratic episodes occurred, I made sure they tested her for a UTI. As a result, many times the problem was tracked down to one of these items and taken care of and she returned back to normal.

Do you notice that it's worse at night? I'm not sure how old she is, but some people experience "sundowners" syndrome and they are clear during the day, but as the sun sets, the confusion increases. Is she sleeping, or up all night? Increased activity can be a sign of dementia.
I think someone else already asked if your Mom has a history of mental illness. If it was not a serious mental illness that caused her to lose touch with reality, the first thing to do is find out why.
She could have had TIA, or mini stroke. She could be developing dementia. Lots of things can cause this type of behavior. In some cases, there are medications that can help slow the process.
If she's wandering the house, there may come a time when she decides to wander out of the house.

Just a place to start...

This is a lot to have on your plate. Its good to do nice things for yourself when going through a hard time, to keep yourself well. Can you get some time to yourself each day?
I don't know what to suggest for your mum, how would she feel about a trip to the doctor?

I suspect that some of her traits might be rooted in a fear of dying, If she's Christian, tell her to read her bible as there is an emphasis not to worry about tomorrow, and to not worry about death, because death is our graduation day which Christ has conquered.

Matthew 6:25-34

You might be able to "cure" your mother by reminding her of various bibles verses. This one is especially important for Christians, as it instructs us not to dwell on negative things, thus she would be conflicting against it by constantly being paranoid.

Quote:

"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." -- Philippians 4:8.

Thanks for the responses.

I got her to see the doctor the day before writing this post. He gave her some medication and from what I can tell they're anti-depressants, so not sure if they'll help with the paranoia, but the doctor told her to come back to see him again later this week. She's had anxiety/depression most of her life and she was on antidepressants but she stopped taking them earlier this year due to them giving her an upset stomach. That wasnt a decision I opposed because I also stopped taking my antidepressents late last year because I don't see them as a logical solution for the problems that are causing me to be depressed, and frankly I feel no different off them than I did on them (as I predicted would be the case. I still don't necessarily think it was a bad thing for my mum to get off the anti-depressants as, again, the main problem here seems to be paranoia and I don't think anti-depressants address paranoia.

I'm not really scared by what's going on with my mother. She poses no physical danger to herself or others, and I think she will be on the right track soon. The real issue I'm having if I'm being honest is that her behaviour and actions are creating an environment I'd rather not be in, and I have nowhere else to go. Our house is small, and the best option for solitude I have is my own room, but I've been thinking about wanting to move out for a while now for different reasons regarding space and independence. This is making me think about it more, and in doing so I'm coming to realise since now I have no-one to move out with, it's not financially feasible unless I find roommates I don't know (an idea I'm really not keen on).

The good news is my mum isn't completely out of touch with reality in that she can recognise she was just paranoid after the fact. For instance after calling the police to that trivia team's house, she realised she shouldn't have done it based on a feeling, and after she said my brother was dead and I called him and he answered, she acknowledged that it was paranoia there too. Sometimes she'll acknowledge that she's paranoid or struggling with mental illness and still continue on with the paranoid behaviour in spite of that acknowledgement, like the feelings overwhelm her.

Both my mum and I know where the root of this paranoia problem likely is. She's only in her early 50s, so it's very unlikely to be anything like dementia, and even though she'll probably never see this, I don't think my mum would want me to mention the source, so I'll respect that.

My mum is definitely spiritual. I don't know whether she'd classify as a proper Christian but she believes in Christ so you could probably say she is. That being said, she doesn't go to church, and she doesn't appear to read or reference the bible much, so at most I guess she'd be a casual Christian. In any case I gather she believes she's let evil into her life/done evil and now it's coming to get her. I think she believes she's going to hell, so I'm not sure that one can be comfortable with the prospect of dying if they believe their next stop after this world is hell.

I myself am completely irreligious and not spiritual, which I guess in a sense is fortunate because it makes it very easy for me to not buy into her hysteria and be worried about the same things she's worried about. It also means though that I'm not very comfortable with her putting crosses at our windows and on the front door, because it'll be inferred that I'm also religious, which is some of the reason I don't like seeing them all over the house.

Last edited by The Grand Inquisitor on 16 Jul 2019, 11:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm glad you were able to see a doctor and that you have a healthy perspective about what's happening. I hope the antidepressants will help. Generally, SSRI aren't marketed for paranoia, but if her behaviour is attributable in any way to PTSD, antidepressants could aid in decreasing her levels of fear and anxiety. Some brands are better than others but I agree it's a toss-up whether they will help. I hope she is able to find peace soon. She's lucky to have so much love and understanding from you and your brother.

Hugs.