Humans aren’t designed to be happy – so stop trying

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firemonkey
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19 Jul 2019, 6:51 am

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A huge happiness and positive thinking industry, estimated to be worth US$11 billion a year, has helped to create the fantasy that happiness is a realistic goal. Chasing the happiness dream is a very American concept, exported to the rest of the world through popular culture. Indeed, “the pursuit of happiness” is one of the US’s “unalienable rights”. Unfortunately, this has helped to create an expectation that real life stubbornly refuses to deliver.



https://theconversation.com/humans-aren ... ing-119262



BenderRodriguez
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19 Jul 2019, 7:18 am

I think expectations are the problem here. Most people don't even know or actually reflect on what would make them happy, they just have this vague dreams of riches and good looks/eternal youth. Of course they're disappointed.

I found that happiness works in many ways like an investment.


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TheRevengeofTW1ZTY
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19 Jul 2019, 7:21 am

Society programs us to think that certain things make us happy (like money, sex, a perfect family, etc) instead of allowing us to decide for ourselves.


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BenderRodriguez
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19 Jul 2019, 7:24 am

TheRevengeofTW1ZTY wrote:
Society programs us to think that certain things make us happy (like money, sex, a perfect family, etc) instead of allowing us to decide for ourselves.

Nobody can actually stop you from thinking for yourself and acting on it - you're just being discouraged.


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TheRevengeofTW1ZTY
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19 Jul 2019, 7:29 am

BenderRodriguez wrote:
TheRevengeofTW1ZTY wrote:
Society programs us to think that certain things make us happy (like money, sex, a perfect family, etc) instead of allowing us to decide for ourselves.

Nobody can actually stop you from thinking for yourself and acting on it - you're just being discouraged.

Of course they can't actually stop us, they just psychologically torment us with peer preassure until we feel we have no choice but to conform to their materialistic and narcissistic society just to feel "normal".


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The Clubs teach us to work the goals we aim.
The Spades teach us to conquer all we claim.


dyadiccounterpoint
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19 Jul 2019, 7:30 am

The human condition seems to inevitably break down to suffering after sufficient time. In the end, you're just an organic machine designed to breed and accumulate resources to ensure the vitality of offspring. The "machinery" wears down, you lose everything you care about, and the mind never truly forgets its traumas.

I'd say it's smarter to ask yourself "how can I not be miserable" rather than "how can I be happy?"

Make life as painless as you can.


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BenderRodriguez
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19 Jul 2019, 7:34 am

TheRevengeofTW1ZTY wrote:
BenderRodriguez wrote:
TheRevengeofTW1ZTY wrote:
Society programs us to think that certain things make us happy (like money, sex, a perfect family, etc) instead of allowing us to decide for ourselves.

Nobody can actually stop you from thinking for yourself and acting on it - you're just being discouraged.

Of course they can't actually stop us, they just psychologically torment us with peer preassure until we feel we have no choice but to conform to their materialistic and narcissistic society just to feel "normal".

TBH I've never been sensitive to peer pressure, it actually took me quite some time to understand the concept.

Thing is, if you do what you're saying, that's guaranteed unhappiness. If you try to find out what makes you happy, at least you have a chance...


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AprilR
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19 Jul 2019, 7:40 am

Looks interesting. I hate all the new age spiritual stuff about positive thinking so i'll definitely check it out.



shortfatbalduglyman
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19 Jul 2019, 9:04 am

Happiness is overrated

Happiness is not magic

Anger is not inferior to happiness

Some lil dipshits act like they have a moral right to be "happy" at all times. Otherwise someone violated their stupidass "rights"

Then they act like I have a moral obligation to never express negative emotion

(Unless that's their goal)


Even some counselors act like that


f**k Jeanne Courtney b***h


f**k Amy Lee scheel b***h


There are five emotions and "happy" is just one of them


Anger is not a felony

Depression is a diagnosis, not a choice, a felony or character flaw




f**k entitled lil dipshits extroverts



IstominFan
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19 Jul 2019, 9:34 am

There were many times I thought I was "happy" when I was really just comfortable. I wasn't really happy at all, because I saw myself stagnating. I have much more joy in my life now.



Magna
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19 Jul 2019, 9:53 am

dyadiccounterpoint wrote:
The human condition seems to inevitably break down to suffering after sufficient time. In the end, you're just an organic machine designed to breed and accumulate resources to ensure the vitality of offspring. The "machinery" wears down, you lose everything you care about, and the mind never truly forgets its traumas.

I'd say it's smarter to ask yourself "how can I not be miserable" rather than "how can I be happy?"

Make life as painless as you can.


I believe something similar to you in that I focus each day on being as neutral as possible. Stasis. Pursuing happiness seems to make it more elusive and then you're fixated on whether you're happy or not; and woeful when you're not "happy".



firemonkey
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19 Jul 2019, 9:54 am

For me the difficulty is in defining 'happiness'.



Magna
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19 Jul 2019, 10:03 am

I agree. Does happiness mean a feeling of giddiness, "smiling on the inside", waves of euphoria? If so, I rarely feel such emotions and when I do they're fleeting.

Can happiness also mean subdued contentment or a general satisfaction? I have this more often.

Or, can happiness mean, simply, not feeling sad, mad or ill?

What term would be used for when someone feels neither happy nor sad?



IsabellaLinton
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19 Jul 2019, 10:09 am

“No mockery in this world ever sounds to me so hollow as that of being told to cultivate happiness. What does such advice mean? Happiness is not a potato, to be planted in mould, and tilled with manure."

Charlotte Brontë, Villette, 1853


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TheRevengeofTW1ZTY
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19 Jul 2019, 10:14 am

To me happiness is a peach! Not an orange! :flower:


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The Diamonds teach us to enjoy that we gain.
The Clubs teach us to work the goals we aim.
The Spades teach us to conquer all we claim.


lostonearth35
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19 Jul 2019, 10:47 am

I've seen the movie Inside Out. Even before then I knew that trying to be happy when you really are not can turn out to be a disaster. All the years of "masking" in order to look happy just builds and builds and until all you have left is violent anger and severe disgust. Just before I diagnosed that's how I acted and didn't why I wasn't feeling sad or able to cry. And when I finally did start crying I got yelled at and threatened for being "hysterical".

Happiness is something you create yourself, not something you look for or only get when you achieve an unrealistic goal.