single, happily married, unhappily married, divorced?

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What is your long-term relationship status?
Single and expect to remain so 23%  23%  [ 12 ]
Single so far but hoping for relationship 19%  19%  [ 10 ]
In a relationship, and expect to remain so 34%  34%  [ 18 ]
In a relationship but not happy with it 2%  2%  [ 1 ]
In a relationship but partner is not happy with it 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Separated or divorced 19%  19%  [ 10 ]
Other 4%  4%  [ 2 ]
Total votes : 53

MrsPeel
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16 Aug 2019, 10:55 pm

Well, I've just been filling out a divorce application.
I got to 20 years of marriage (total 25 years together), believe it or not, before it all fell apart.

Anyhow, this got me thinking, I've heard terrible statistics about about Aspergers and marriage failures (if we ever get married at all). So this is a poll about marriage and relationships, to get some stats on this from my fellow WPeers.

This is mainly intended for those over about 30 years, who might have a good idea by now whether or not they're likely to enter a long-term relationship. I'm not differentiating between marriage and de-facto relationships, or between hetero and same sex, they all count.

Would love to hear your thoughts on this, and your reasons for voting as you do.



traven
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17 Aug 2019, 1:11 am

30th marriage anniversary passed this year, but living separated (neighbors) for years already
im too much a snowflake for all the chaos and passive-aggressive warfare
:mrgreen:



MrsPeel
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17 Aug 2019, 1:53 am

Separated but neighbours? That's a bit different... and very interesting.
I can see how that might help with AS issues, as in, having plenty of alone time but also social support.
Would you like to tell us more?



traven
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17 Aug 2019, 3:03 am

the situation is a bit uncommon, we're in another country (cheap land and old houses) and we had two houses (old, to renew) already,
the second came with a bout of land that was acquired for farming (very small old style mixed farming) purposes



martianprincess
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17 Aug 2019, 9:42 am

Teens and early 20s was in relationships that lasted less than a year, average was 3 to 4 months.

Was engaged for a year to my ex, together for five years total but I was unhappy for most of it.

I've been with my current partner for three years, married for two years. Not sure yet on its longevity, but who exactly ever is.


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17 Aug 2019, 10:02 am

Happily divorced :D Perhaps more aptly put, survived and escaped.


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domineekee
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17 Aug 2019, 11:28 am

I've been divorced for about 18 years, had a few relationships, am single, which is OK. I feel as though I might be coming out the other side of a mid life crisis, just enjoying the calm for now.



BTDT
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17 Aug 2019, 11:58 am

Partner passed away after 15 year relationship. It was understandably difficult before the autism diagnoses but we figured it out afterward and got along really well. Juggling a full time job and being a full time caregiver was rough but I managed.



Prometheus18
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17 Aug 2019, 12:08 pm

Single and expect to continue to be. My standards are too high for this world; the type of woman I want no longer exists :(



dragonsanddemons
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17 Aug 2019, 2:48 pm

Happily single. I'm a nonromantic asexual, I've just never really had the desire for a romantic relationship. Sometimes I feel like I'm unnatural for not being able to experience these feelings and desires, but I really think I'm happiest alone and wouldn't be able to keep up with the demands of a romantic relationship.


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ASPartOfMe
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17 Aug 2019, 5:39 pm

Contentedly single my whole life.


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aspieprincess123
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17 Aug 2019, 5:48 pm

We are together but undergoing therapy



MrsPeel
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18 Aug 2019, 12:10 am

Poll result so far, 73% single including 33% separated or divorced.

Thanks for all the replies, and sorry I can't respond immediately - being in Aus I'm asleep or at work during WP peak times.

One thing I'm wondering, all of you who have been single for some time, how do you deal with that? I mean, I'm not talking about sexually, just how do you maintain societal connections, and do you have someone you can talk to when you need to unburden yourself of something?



IsabellaLinton
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18 Aug 2019, 12:17 am

MrsPeel wrote:
How do you maintain societal connections, and do you have someone you can talk to when you need to unburden yourself of something?


I have two really good therapists (one for CPTSD, one for ASD), and a group of online friends I couldn't live without.

I don't worry about social connections at all anymore, apart from a few family members.



MrsPeel
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18 Aug 2019, 12:26 am

BTDT wrote:
It was understandably difficult before the autism diagnoses but we figured it out afterward and got along really well.


That's interesting.
It seems like getting a diagnosis can make or break relationships.
In the good cases, it helps both parties to understand each other and develop ways to get along taking account of the Aspergers.
In the bad cases, it seems to make the NT party despair of the relationship, thinking that their partner can never change. Especially if they buy into the "lack of empathy" thing.

Those who are or have been married, how did diagnosis affect the relationship?