Another Introduction

Post Reply New Topic

Hello All:

I figured I would introduce myself. I am 35 year old female. I own (mortgage) my home and live alone with 2 cats Oscar (9) and Dakota (6). I have a job in the public sector as an engineer project manager for transportation projects. I have an undergrad and grad degree in civil engineering.

I lead a really boring life and really do not leave my home unless I have too. In the past, I was quite the opposite and had things to do all the time. No meltdown or anything, but finally realized that this was me trying to fit into the extroverted world.

In the spring I was talking with my therapist about socializing. Overall, I crave solitude, but there are those rare times that I wish I had a close friend to confide in. I have no desire to get married or have kids. I struggle with whether these choices are because I do not want to make the effort to try and fit in or if that is truly what I desire. In the middle of the conversation, she randomly asked if I had ever been tested for Autism. I was never tested. A few years back I researched it a bit, but dismissed it in the end.

After that conversation, I looked into it again. It seemed like it was a possibility and the fact that a mental health professional brought it up kind of made it a bit more real. I have a friend that teaches special ed. I discussed it with her and she thought it was a good idea to get tested.
Then I started the task of finding a psychologist that would test adults and was covered by my insurance. After printing out a list of 500 psychologist and googling most of them I was able to find what I needed. Over the past few months I have gone through the gauntlet of testing. This past Monday I met with the psychologist to go over the results. He believes I am on the Autism Spectrum. I have not received his report yet. I hope to have it in the next week.

Leading up to this point, I have been kind of hoping for the diagnosis. It would explain so much of my past. I have always been socially awkward and could never make close friends. A few years ago I had a major issue at work and now looking back at it I know that the Autism definitely contributed to the issues that I was experiencing. So the diagnosis does bring a sense of relief and greater awareness and like many of the stories I have read that it seems like this is the missing puzzle piece.

I have only shared the diagnosis with the special ed friend and my sister. I really need it to sink in more before I tell the rest of my family or anyone else.

I am not entirely sure where I want to go from here. I am hoping to meet other older adults, especially those that were not diagnosed until later in life. I am curious what type of assistance others have sought out. I would like to hear others experiences. I know there are certain things that I can point to and say that is because of Autism, but there are some of my other quirks that I am wonder if others have shared experience.

When I went to the psychologist I gave him a list of things that I thought might fit with Autism. I figured I would share below.

• 3 or 4 year old play group with tumbling. Refused to participate and sat against wall the whole time.
• Tantrums yelling, slamming doors. This stopped early around 8 or 9
• Did not smile in school pictures until 3rd grade.
• Watching tv with siblings would only tell them the shows that I like were on and skip channels that had their favorite shows on.
• Did not like playing with the kids. Always wanted to watch the adults play cards.
• Described as shy many times.
• Involved in a lot of activities, but never fit in. Really did not understand how to fit in.
• I was never excluded, but never felt included in groups.
• Not interested in classmates interests.
• Hated talking on the phone. Would have younger sister order pizza. Did not schedule own appointments until I was 20 years old.
• Mom tell me I need to lower expectations of others.
• Lack of tact.
• Clutz – trip and fall all the time.
• Ignore common sense
• Food pairings based on colors.
• Struggle with more complex social cues.
• Struggle with responding to others (jokes, sad etc.) Usually mimic their reaction.
• Difficulty in meetings following multiple conversations. Unable to take notes and pay attention.
• Adding something to a conversation and others cannot understand how what I said relates to the topic.
• Misunderstanding/misinterpreting conversations.
• Work Evaluation – Do somethings very well others very poorly.
• Hate small talk.
• When I first started therapy, therapist thought I had some sort of disability because I was so quiet.
• Playing cards with family. All about the cards do not like the chit chat.
• Avoid bright lights. Leave lights off in office.
• Noise can be distracting. Specifically ones with a set rhythm like a clock. Les distracted by random noises.
• Large crowds overstimulating.
• Do not like “dress clothes”
• I like my clothes loose fitting
• Have to wear thick athletic socks. Thin dress socks annoy me.
• Use a weighted blanket
• Do not like physical intimacy, I identify as asexual and aromantic
• No bows or frilly lace or patterns or tights as a kid
• When I was a baby my mom had to cut the feet out of my sleepers because it bothered me so much.
• Aphantasia

Well if you actually read this far Thanks!! I look forward to getting to know others on the forum.

Cheers!

Welcome to WP!

It feels almost inappropriate for me to be welcoming people, because I'm very new here myself, but a hearty welcome to you nonetheless!

I am 44 and am just now discovering that I seem to have some flavour of ASD. I had a successful career for a dozen years or so before burning out through a combination of work stress, relationship stress, and built-in mental health issues (depression, anxiety).

It is interesting to look back on my life and think about how the ASD stuff may have played a role in all sorts of memorable-but-confusing-at-the-time events.

I don't have time to reply in any depth right now, but I'll be back in this thread later and look forward to getting to know you!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Yay cats! Cats are wonderful.


Yay engineering! Nothing would work without that stuff.


There's nothing wrong with being solitary, unless it feels wrong. And hey, if you embrace the power of AND, you can be solitary AND have some close friends, in theory. I've mostly accomplished something like that, but I think my goals are not completely the same as yours.

Those both sound like very reasonable needs. I think everyone I know has both of those, it's just the relative proportions of each depend on the individual. Some people only need alone time occasionally, other people want to be alone most of the time but need occasional social engagement. The trick is just finding the balance that works for you. There's not one right answer, even for a particular individual many solutions are viable.


That ("I don't want to make the effort") sounds like something someone who emotionally abused me used to say. Regardless of that thought's origin, consider that it may be too harsh of a statement.

Congratulations on succeeding in that process. I'm sure it was a ton of work.

Things that explain other things are awesome. I'm glad you are experiencing that relief.

I'm in a very similar place right now, enough that I'm hesitant to start sharing things from my life that may/may not be autism related, because I haven't sorted that out for myself yet. But if it's ok, when I pin any of those things down enough that I think it is a good example, I'll post here or pm you or whatever you would prefer.

I did similar sit-outs as a child, some on my own initiative (because I was embarrassed by my ineptitude), and others because the supervisor of the activity (such as a physical education teacher, or whatever) decided I was too inept to accomplish the task safely. Once that didn't occur and I fell 10 feet from a high bar onto my head. Because I was too inept to accomplish the task safely. So I don't actually begrudge the teachers who restricted me from some activities.

I never smiled in any school pictures ever, nor in my platoon "yearbook" thing when I stupidly joined the infantry. During my (thankfully brief and never deployed to a combat zone) military career, I always imagined dying in combat and the local newspaper printing that picture. Ugh.

My local adults never did interesting things near me (they might have played cards, but cards did not interest me); but the kids were clearly playing dumb games that I had no interest in, either. So I just did my own things.

All those things (with the exception that I was sometimes excluded, or even bullied).

I was bad as a child, learned to adapt somewhat as a teenager/young adult, had 12ish years of successful career in which I was on the phone all the time with minimal problems, then when my depression and anxiety got bad again I stopped being able to answer or place phone calls. Currently there are only two people in the world who I answer the phone for.

All of those.

All of those.

Oh, that's a big one. I'm very focused on the functional aspects of communication, and words that don't contribute to meaningful communication are superfluous and (for me, at least) harmful to successfully copying ideas from one brain to another. One thing that helps me in some (but not other) situations is to make a game out of it. If somebody is making small talk, then I try to make a game in my head with the goal of making that other person feel like I'm participating, while spending as little mental energy on the process as I can. So it's like, "what's the most meaningless, yet contextual, set of words I could respond to that with?". The game itself can entertain me sometimes, and at other times it at least provides a distraction from the uncomfortable reality that someone wants to talk to me but doesn't wish to say anything meaningful.

All of those, although for me random noises are terrifying at least if they are loud or nearby. But that may be my PTSD talking.

Loose fitting clothes are best for me too, but in my body/mind, I'm more comfortable in formal/semi-formal clothing than I am wearing something different than everyone else. I'd rather have the discomfort than the attention. But that may be my social anxiety talking.

I just recently discovered a weighted stuffed lizard thing that is very comfortable for me, it's like a spare cat for when the real cats aren't in the mood to sit on my shoulder or leg or whatever. I love it, and intend to try a full weighted blanket as soon as the weather cools off enough to allow it.

That's completely legitimate. Although I have a roughly-normal sex drive (certainly no aversion) I can imagine that maybe that is sort of related to the clothing comfort issue and things of that ilk? Is it just a general discomfort with certain types of touch sensations? Regardless of the details, if you don't want sex, that's totally normal and ok for you, and don't let people tell you otherwise. I've seen a lot of weird intrusive advice about "fixing" people who are asexual (on other forums amongst other communities, not here) and just want to encourage people to be comfortable with who they are, even if that's different than what strangers think is "normal". Those people don't have to live in your body.

I am completely ignorant about that word, aside from the quick google search I just performed. I am honestly uncertain if I have some degree of that. The vviq questionnaire I read asked questions that were kind of, too abstract for me to visualize. But there are some visual memories I can recall that seem pretty detailed. Even faces, some of them I remember well, and others I remember poorly. But even the ones I remember well I could never paint, nor even give a useful description (probably, never tested this) to a sketch artist, for example. I've always kind of chalked that up to not knowing very precise vocabulary for the subtleties of facial shapes etc, but maybe there is a difference in some way with how I visualize things? This requires more investigation on my side, and thank you for introducing me to the concept.

Welcome again, it's good to have you here.

I am diagnosed as ASD level 2 and you sound more autistic than me.

Welcome to the club.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome, I hope you find some answers that help you make sense of things

Hi civil4life. Welcome to WP. Hope you enjoy posting here. I have 2 cats as well. Well done on the degrees! I loved Uni! Nothing wrong with needing or wanting solitude. Lovely to 'meet' you.

Welcome.