What do I do?

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In my life, as an adult, I can't help but to see that all I do is hurt people.
I want to be there, but I'm never allowed.
Or, I don't have the resources or the skills.
Or, I get to a point of no return and miss the times I felt loved.
I want to love people.
I want to be thankful for what I have.
Yet, there is no one in my life anymore that can give me the help, the closure I need.
No one wants to be close to me in a good way probably because I cross bounds and allow others to because I think that it'd be ok.
It never is.
I wish I could erase myself.
Or, start over in a new world.
People treat pets better than other people.
The things they get, I want mostly.
I've always wondered why I'm a person
when I feel more like an animal.
I just like touch, food, and being able to look around and do what I need to do.
Not wonder why I'm different.
Not wonder how to be.
I've never felt more than like an animal, except when I have someone or a real purpose to live for.
Most everything of that is gone.
That's probably why I'm getting increasingly suicidal.

Please do not harm yourself, Sister CA. Have you given thought to calling a crisis line?

Not today.
I'm just trying to understand how I manage to get in situations where I'm not happy anymore.

I'm tired of calling crisis and other.
Family and people close to me don't want to do anything.

I've lost that connection I have.
No one will probably love me the way I'd like because I'm guessing people don't like the way I love.

Crisis people are just doing a job.
Therapy takes time. And I have been seeking support but it's lost. I've been to therapy. I've been to inpatient.
I've ran around the country to find the peace, love, and closure I need.
It's not enough.
I often think that I've lost my chance at having a family, being actually connected to someone, and finding a lover that would just stay.

I destroy everything.
And I lose any person that I think I'm close to.

And my needs are I'm guessing too much for anyone to handle over time.

If only God would come down, and tell me how it is and how I can be happy.

You are a beautiful person. Don't give up hope.

I feel the same way except am not suicidal. When I get depressed I find smoking pot works better than any drug a psychiatrist could prescribe. And it works so well I can go about 5 months without it. If this is not for you I would suggest not throwing your hope away like its trash. In time things could get better. If in fact you are doing things wrong, in time you could learn what those things are and put effort in correcting them. I had no hope at your age. But held on to see what would happen. Sometimes I admit it seems pretty bleak but I hold on to see what life has to offer. If you just give up on everything you could miss out. It has happened to me. I missed out on my youth because of my negative outlook.

If this does not resonate with you, Im sorry. Im just trying to help.

I took like 21 Tylenol. I may take more.
I don't know what to do anymore.
Sorry, everybody.

Love you caThar4g, hope you are getting the help you need and deserve.

You should call the hospital and tell them the amount of pills you took.

You're dealing with a fallen world so of course the human race is going to disappoint you, you have to moderate your expectations of other humans, as they're just about as broken as anyone else despite their appearances. Outwardly everyone else appears to be functioning more than you, but inwardly it's probably rarely ever the case.

But what do you do? Well, what do you want to do?

New smaller goals might help, pick up gardening, volunteer in your community -- keep moving -- never neglect your body, exercise every day (EXTREMELY IMPORTANT), I mention exercise often in this subforum because it is by far the number 1 thing that helped manage my depression. My depression is dormant and it will likely never be gone but it's like a caged animal right now that has had 100 tranquilizers put into it.

I see you mention a family, but that's a rather broad goal, in the meantime you should focus on smaller ones that are easier to acquire and would make the absence of a family tolerable. You find happiness by not pursuing it directly. Though I'd say that people should look at it more as 'content', so pursue content through hobbies and keeping on the move. For anyone it's probably very rarely the case that we're ever 'happy', most of the time we're content, but happiness is elusive and the more you try to grip it with the strength of your hands the more slippery it gets.

Ok, hope that you're doing better!