Addicted To Suffering.

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I come across people here and there who go on quite a bit about how bad their life is and never seem to make any headway. They get lots of advice but tend to either shoot it down or not act upon it. It seems like they are not really seeking a solution.

Then the thought occurred to me that perhaps they are addicted to suffering. So I looked it up to see if such a thing exists and came arcross quite a numbers of articles on the subject. Apparently it is an actual phenomenon.

This is a list someone came up wth of 10 warning signs that you are addicted to suffering:

1. You’re inconsolable.

2. You believe people don’t have control over how they feel.

3. You focus on everything that’s wrong in your life.

4. You play the victim and place blame on everywhere but yourself for hard times in your life.

5. You blame yourself for outrageous situations that could (1) never be your fault or, (2) are not as disastrous as you’re making it seem.

6. There’s a pattern of bad things happening during good times in your life

7. You take everything personally.

8. You find it impossible to forgive yourself.

9. You can’t think of anything to be grateful for.

10. You believe yourself to be a victim to circumstance.

https://possibilitychange.com/addicted-to-suffering/

I think you’re right Ezra. I’ve certainly met people like that, IRL and online.

There are people who might not seem to be “listening”—but the positive stuff they don’t seem to be listening to now—might sink in later.

It’s frustrating when people don’t seem to seek solutions—but there are times when, later on, they’ll remember and heed the advice they were given when they were “not ready” to implement what was advised, be ready to seek solutions.

No matter how frustrating it is when people disavow advice, don’t give up.

People can benefit from pieces of advice many years after it was given.

It's me and it's not me. I just don't get it. I'm so upbeat and so beatdown. What's the difference between "legitimate" grieving and extraneous suffering?

How it's me: I recently discovered that my memory is faulty. I often remember being alone or at fault during my hardships and have found evidence that I was not (for some).

How it's not me: I have had lots of trauma in my life and need to process it - but was taught to suppress "suffering" (and/or it was biological). I've heard say: What a person resists persists.

My mom would not "let" me be upset, so here I am, near constantly upset. It's an effort to let my children be upset. Now it's for me to validate my own upset. I've heard say: Express and release.

Interesting topic but I'm not sure why you started it in The Heaven.

There are several mechanisms of psychological defence we all use to unconciously keep uncomfortable truths away. "I could find out I had been wrong all the time" is one of the favorite thought for our brains to censor. We don't like to be wrong, sometimes other forms of suffering are preferred over confrontation with it.

However, I was accused of being addicted to suffering when I couldn't process my feelings of discomfort and thus I got stuck to them for long time. "Just get over it" does not work instantly in real life, emotions need to take their time.

Honestly, while I understand what you mean, I find the article potentially toxic, especially the first two points:

I've had thoughts about this in recent times.

Firstly it's important to recognise that some people are in fact trapped in their way of being, without a way 'out'.
Be it financial, or independence constraints, some peoples options are more limited than others, or limited in less typical ways.

Generalised/simplistic advice will rarely be the right fit and the person will feel more misunderstood and alienated than before they started looking for help. Which is a huge blow when you finally pick up the courage to speak about your difficulties.

Also my thoughts on people on the spectrum is that those capable of working and semi/independent living are more likely to have to mask to survive.
People who grew up undiagnosed are even more likely to mask.
My thinking of late is that this is akin to a lifetime of self harm, the repeated message of if you want to live safely you must shield your percieved weaknesses from the world.
It's got to be done if you are in a situation where your disability will not be accommodated.

Everyone on the spectrum will be aware or rather made aware of their oddness by more normative developed people.

I find myself wondering why on occasion I experience a desire to hurt myself, or why I am so hard on myself. Is this an addiction of mine?
Am starting to think that I and quite a few others on the spectrum have internalised the message of not being equal, of being less, or faulty/ inadequate etc.

If a message is repeated consistently throughout life, starting from an early age, who wouldn't believe it to be true?

Not everyone has the fortune to have a comfortable well adjusted family background.
Or be born into an environment that fosters healthy dispositions. That's just the way the ball bounces, it's nothing to do with hard work, it is pure chance.

The problem is when comfortable people believe that the situation they were born into has nothing to do with luck. They take for granted their fortune of good luck and attribute success to their actions alone.
This is a delusion, but I guess it feels good and is the path of least resistance.

Likening everything to addictive traits is something of a fad in American psychology. Even my profession gets called a strange addiction since it's also a hobby.

This line of thinking seems to describe people's emotions as personal failings. It's rarely if ever that simple.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Real edgy man.

I guess this is why I avoid people. Your inclination to blame ME for what you don't appreciate about me.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I wonder if any sane person could do my job.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

One of the things I've learned in my time as an adult is that some people really do enjoy being miserable.

I don't see it as being "addicted to suffering" so much as being addicted to negativity and drama.