Working with Asperger's

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Hi,

This is my first post here, or anywhere on this subject, so please bear with me.

I was just diagnosed with Asperger's, and I'm 45. I have been working for 29 years, and almost every day of it has been miserable. I was bullied, made fun of, put down, and teased relentlessly, not just by co-workers, by bosses as well. It's gotten better now that I'm older. Now people only make fun of me behind my back.

The thing is, even though I work really hard, and I am a model employee everywhere I work. Plus I found out when I was diagnosed that I have an above average IQ. I am treated like a lazy idiot. I'm so tired after 29 years of working my tail off, and not only never getting any recognition, but getting treated like crap.

Does anyone have any advice? I'm so sick of it. People think I have a decent job because I'm an information security Analyst, but it's not a good job when I work harder than anyone, but get treated like I am less than them.

I filed for workplace accommodations just so I could sit somewhere quieter, and told my manager I have Asperger's when he asked me what the accommodation was for, because I was hoping people would be more understanding. It doesn't matter though because they are laying a bunch of us off soon.

I'm at the end of my rope. I've lost track of how many jobs I've had. I've done everything from washing windows to cyber security, from a religious life to having a wife and two amazing daughters.

I wish I had some good advice for you. Welcome. I'm just a bit older than you, but out of all the challenges in my life, I would say working consistently as I have for for last 32 years has by far been the biggest challenge. I'm nearing 50 with a family. If I were single I would probably buy a small house, condo or even live in a small apartment and retire from working. I would live very frugally.

Perhaps there is a 'silver lining' to the fact that your job will be ending soon in that the next job you find might be much better than the one you have now? You never know. Try to stay positive.

I have not disclosed my diagnosis to my employer because I have no need to do so at this point. Although, in the interest of being preemptive, my assessment PhD psychologist wrote me a letter of reasonable accommodation for taking a walk each day (I do that on my lunch hour so....no need for an accommodation) and having a four day work week (that's my schedule now). Keep in mind, from my understanding management can't blab your reason for wanting an accommodation to line level employees. I'm pretty sure if they do that you can sue. What did the manager say or do when you disclosed your diagnosis?

Maybe you can find a job where you work one day less per week? That has been my saving grace.

Make yourself indispensable. Become an expert in something the company needs but doesn't have. I think the primary reason ppl put up with my bluntness and "quirks" is because I have or know what they need. No one else can do what I do.

I did make myself indispensable/became an expert in something, but it backfired terribly. I became the only person in the company able to take care of the antivirus when the person that was doing it was laid off. The antivirus was setup in a half-assed way, the environment (network and systems) is such a mess, I had no training, and it is a really crappy product, so I just get blamed everytime anything goes wrong with, or because of, the antivirus. Now they are replacing that antivirus. My manager and team exclude me from everything, so I can't get experience to get another job.

I would like to quit and live frugally on disability, or whatever, but I have a wife and two little girls.

I just posted this in case someone else experienced the same thing, or something similar, and could give me advice. There are resources at the place I was diagnosed, but there is a waiting list, and I don't qualify for everything because I supposedly have a good job

I almost forgot one of the main things I wanted to ask everyone. Do you get tired? I am so tired all the time. It's exhausting, the constant anxiety, and struggling to fit in.

Sorry you are going through this. All I know about dealing with a toxic work environment is either stick it out and hope things improve or find a different job. Working from home seems to be popular these days, too, is that an option in your field? I can totally relate to what you wrote about feeling tired all the time. Hope things get better for you.

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

Yes, I could work from home in my field, but every company not only wants you in the office, but they all make us work in open office plans. It's a nightmare for someone with Asperger's/anxiety.

Unfortunately, I don't get much exercise. I do have a very long walk from the parking garage to the building where I work, and another long walk to get to my desk. Doing that 5 times a week, twice a day is at least something.

I drink two or three cups of coffee a day, but I might switch back to green tea. I drink a lot of water. I'm seeing a shrink

My health is fine, except I have skeletal issues that prevent me from doing most forms of exercise. I have plantar fasciitis and tibial tendonitis in my feet and ankles, I have two herniated discs in my lower back and three in my neck. I also have spinal stenosis in my neck, and pretty bad arthritis in my right elbow because of the way I broke it in 2014.

I put in the forms for ABA, there's a waiting list, but hopefully they will be able to help me with my work issues.

I also filed for workplace accommodations so I could move to a quieter spot, but it takes forever to get approved, and even if it's a permanent disability, the longest they will give you is six months. I have to get the doctor to fill out the forms again, and renew every six months.

If they are going to talk behind your back, why struggle to fit in? Seems like a waste of energy to me.

What I meant by struggling to fit in was, not saying or doing anything that would give them more to make fun of me about