family frustrations

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Hey there, I am new here and was pointed in this direction by my therapist who I was seeing last year... It took me until now to come here. This is going to be a long post so I apologize ahead of time.

I am a 26-year old male with characteristics of ASD, although I cannot in good conscience say that I am on the spectrum because I never finished the testing. Last year I took two out of three tests with my therapist to see if I am on the spectrum. The general outcome was that I had characteristics of ASD. Then I made a huge mistake. I told my parents.

They immediaty changed how they treat me. It made me feel so ashamed I never took the third test. Before, they treated me like an adult. Now they treat me like a child, or like I am less than human... I know that theres nothing to be ashamed of but I'm so scared for anyone to know... if my own parents would treat me like that how can I trust the world. They speak to me slow like I don't understand them, they treat me like I'm not capable of functioning. I may have social difficulties, and I have had countless struggles in my life as a result, BUT ONE THING I AM NOT IS WEAK, STUPID OR INCAPABLE.

Outside of social interaction, I am an extremely capable person. I learn very quickly, I am an agile dancer and a strong fighter. I am a hard worker, a loyal friend, and a passionate lover. I have survived many hardships outside of my neurological differences, many of which my parents can't begin to understand.

I was kicked out of high school and after getting fired from several "normal" jobs, I found the ability to support myself with medical cannabis and have done so for most of my adult life. I lived and loved in the counterculture, the only place I ever felt accepted, despite being misunderstood. Things were good for a lot of years, saving money, living extravagantly, and actually feeling happy for once in my life. A girl I was dating got me into harder drugs and in the process I have been assaulted over misunderstandings, robbed several times, had multiple friends die over the years, then last year I got arrested, survived an overdose, followed by losing my home and having my girlfriend and most of my "friends" leave me.

I got sober and got away from that life, but my life had fallen apart and I was struggling so I turned to my family for help, which was difficult for me because growing up I dealt with much emotional and psychological trauma in my family life. Part of their agreement to help me was that I go into therapy. My therapist suspected ASD because of things like sensitivity to light and sound, difficulty understanding social cues, and a very different form of thinking. In that moment so much of my life started making sense to me.

But I just had to go and tell my parents. I don't know why I thought they would be understanding but I did. I am currently reliant on them (& financial aid) to get through college... The only job I could ever keep was working on cannabis farms but I needed to get away from that life. They treat me like I am slow, like I am a child. I supported myself for many years, I survived so much, I saw someone die in front of me for f***s sake. And after all of that I returned to the education system that had forsaken me in the first place and have maintained a 3.5gpa average. So to be treated like a child by my family when I have been through so much, it's absolutely infuriating. I may be strange, I may have social difficulties, BUT ONE THING I AM NOT IS WEAK, STUPID OR INCAPABLE.

I know I love my parents and I know they love me. I am very appreciative that they gave me a second chance at life. But every time I talk to them on the phone, I f*****g hate them. I lived my whole life struggling with my differences without knowing why, and they always heaped expectations on me and never sought to understand me or help the world understand me, instead viewing me as a problem to their lives and acting like victims. And they still act like that and treat me like that, but now patronizing me too and treating me like a child. THEY HAVE NO RIGHT.

I wish I could go back to the happy years before all of the f****d up s**t happened. I wish I had another way. I don't have any friends or support network where I moved to for college, they are all I have. I hate relying on them. I just got off the phone with them and I am in tears. They make me feel like I am less than human. I hate that they make me feel this way. I constantly feel like I am going to explode. I am so isolated right now. I don't know if any of you can relate to me or if you have any advice, but if you do I would be so incredibly appreciative. Or even to know that I am heard. I don't know... I feel so broken and defeated and alone. I wish I could have a f*****g cat.

I hear you Bigsoul, big hugs.

Your parents treated you the way any oblivious-to-the-spectrum parent would treat you, and when they suspect that you are on the spectrum, they continue to be this way to you until you are officially diagnosed? SMH.

Just wondering, what did you get arrested for anyway?

It was possession of xanax w intent to sell because I had a scale in my car but thankfully they dropped it to misdimeanor possession... The lawyer cost all of my money though so I couldn't pay my rent and got evicted...

And no I wasn't selling it, it was all for personal use.. at the time I was self-medicating for PTSD, but I have been sober for about a year now.

Yeah. My family tried to pull that s**t with me until a news report came on about an interesting thing called "Heredity" and its role regarding spectrum disorders. That shut them up real fast. But the harsh reality here is that I see facets of them in my own children BUT (some big buts can be good) I was very able to recognize those traits and modify them.
The smartest thing I've ever done was to cut myself away from family. I send Christmas cards but that's it. I don't engage with them in any capacity because I refuse to continue this legacy of pain. I might even stop the Christmas cards too simply because my heart is not in it. Sure, they're going to die someday and so are we all. Death is a reality for everybody yet people use it to manipulate others by inflicting pain through guilt. Case in point: My father had to get a short procedure surgery some time ago and my mother called and whined and whined. When the surgery was over, she literally slammed the door in my face because she didn't need me anymore. He was fine and life went on for them regardless of the fact that I met his other kids and she doesn't even know he has them. I told her. She didn't believe me. So, that is my worth to her. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

[EDIT:] I am so crappy at social comprehension, I'm deleting my pathetic attempt to empathize.

Just wanted to say welcome, and I hope things get better from here.

You could try talking to them about how they’re treating you by saying it is upsetting you. You could threaten to cut them off if things don’t go back to normal. I know it can be impossible to talk to parents so if that doesn’t work maybe cut them off. Or just don’t react to their nonsense. My mom has bitched at me recently over something and I realize that she’s the problem when it comes to bitching. Also you can make new friends that are better for you. It may take a few years but it will happen.