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pricelessppp
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20 Sep 2019, 5:05 pm

I haven't dated or been in any kind of relationship in my late teens due to being busy in school. And am in my 20's and want to date someone between their 20's/30's. And wondering what are some good tips that doesn't revolve around toxic Red/MGTOW ideology. For instance this Alpha/beta/Friends zone/Leagues that like stuff people insist is real. And am seeking out better advice. Also how likely is it for someone to have a good short or long term relationship or even hookups or any type of relationship if your on the (ASD)?



CubsBullsBears
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20 Sep 2019, 7:41 pm

Have you considered going on a dating website?

If you do go on one that isn’t specifically designed for people on the spectrum(match, plenty of fish, etc.), than I would strongly suggest that on your profile, I would be upfront about your aspergers or whatever it is you have. I would much rather see if anyone’s interested in who I am than have someone be interested, only to lost interest because of my differences.



Mona Pereth
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21 Sep 2019, 2:24 am

pricelessppp wrote:
I haven't dated or been in any kind of relationship in my late teens due to being busy in school. And am in my 20's and want to date someone between their 20's/30's. And wondering what are some good tips that doesn't revolve around toxic Red/MGTOW ideology. For instance this Alpha/beta/Friends zone/Leagues that like stuff people insist is real.

It's good that you recognize that ideology as "toxic."

pricelessppp wrote:
And am seeking out better advice. Also how likely is it for someone to have a good short or long term relationship or even hookups or any type of relationship if your on the (ASD)?

Do you have friends? (If not, I would suggest making a bunch of friends before you start dating. More on that later.)

What kinds of hobbies, topics, activities, etc. do you enjoy?


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Rainbow_Belle
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21 Sep 2019, 4:44 am

Ignore the nonsense advice that suggests you become more jacked Alpha guy or spend a fortune on clothes or earn a lot of money to become more attractive.
Most gym junkies have a lack of personality and are insecure and try to build a muscular physique to make up for their lack of personality and being insecure.
I would ignore dating advice provided by randoms online because they do not know you or what you have gone through and their advice is worthless.



pricelessppp
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21 Sep 2019, 9:12 am

Rainbow_Belle wrote:
Ignore the nonsense advice that suggests you become more jacked Alpha guy or spend a fortune on clothes or earn a lot of money to become more attractive.
Most gym junkies have a lack of personality and are insecure and try to build a muscular physique to make up for their lack of personality and being insecure.
I would ignore dating advice provided by randoms online because they do not know you or what you have gone through and their advice is worthless.


I don’t have “friends” yet. I might not end up having cool friends like that anyway etc. And am hoping to do this stuff before I belong to a social circle. I just don’t want to compete with guys over girls. Like if I got close to a girl and some handsomer guy butts in and ruins it for me. And am also Leary on advice in person now.



pricelessppp
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21 Sep 2019, 9:19 am

CubsBullsBears wrote:
Have you considered going on a dating website?

If you do go on one that isn’t specifically designed for people on the spectrum(match, plenty of fish, etc.), than I would strongly suggest that on your profile, I would be upfront about your aspergers or whatever it is you have. I would much rather see if anyone’s interested in who I am than have someone be interested, only to lost interest because of my differences.


No I haven’t though I’ve tried Facebook dating groups.. Most girls ask what jobs you have and when you say it most likely you get belittled. And am a little apprehensive
of dating someone on the spectrum I’m a little concerned about clinginess. And most dating sites aren’t free.



Mona Pereth
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21 Sep 2019, 7:14 pm

pricelessppp wrote:
I don’t have “friends” yet. I might not end up having cool friends like that anyway etc. And am hoping to do this stuff before I belong to a social circle.

In my opinion, if you don't have any experience with friendship, then you're probably not ready for a romantic relationship. A romantic relationship can be thought of as an advanced form of friendship. By this I mean that the skills needed to have a good romantic relationship include all the skills needed to have a good friendship, plus more, and it's easier to develop the common skills in the context of a friendship than in the context of a romantic relationship. (Also, in my experience at least, the most stable kind of romantic relationship is one that grows from a friendship.)

pricelessppp wrote:
I just don’t want to compete with guys over girls. Like if I got close to a girl and some handsomer guy butts in and ruins it for me. And am also Leary on advice in person now.

You need a relationship to be based on more than just things like looks and money. If the relationship is based on enough different things, then she won't jump ship just because a "handsomer guy" came along. The question is, how to achieve a relationship that is sufficiently multi-dimensional to be secure. More about that below.

pricelessppp wrote:
INo I haven’t though I’ve tried Facebook dating groups.. Most girls ask what jobs you have and when you say it most likely you get belittled.

Large dating groups or dating apps, especially those that are aimed at a general, non-specialized audience, will inevitably have what I call the mass mutual slave market mentality, focused on things like looks and money. I gather that a lot of the "red pill" and "incel" ideologies are based on men's experiences with dating apps (and, more specifically, the kinds of dating appst that came into existence within only the past 10 years).

It seems to me that the mass mutual slave market mentality is likely to lead to fragile, unstable relationships even for people who have both good looks and lucrative careers. It also, of course, leads to no romantic relationship at all for people who lack either of those things. So, any method of meeting people that encourages a mass mutual slave market mentality should be avoided.

Fortunately, dating apps aren't the only way to meet people. If you do choose to use dating apps at all, I would recommend small, specialized ones, rather than the more popular ones.

pricelessppp wrote:
And am a little apprehensive
of dating someone on the spectrum I’m a little concerned about clinginess.

Why do you assume that women on the spectrum would be more "clingy" than other women? Women on the spectrum have a wide variety of personalities.

To avoid the mass mutual slave market mentality, you need to find or build a social circle that is likely to include the kind of women you are likely to be compatible with.

What are your hobbies/interests?

Which of your hobbies/interests are male-dominated, vs. which of your hobbies/interests are shared by a lot of women as well as men? I would suggest that you try to find or build a social circle revolving around your hobbies/interests in the latter category.

How to build one's social circle is a complex topic in itself, one that probably deserves its own separate thread(s). For now I'll just mention Meetup groups as one possible route.


_________________
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- My life as one of the many belatedly-diagnosed autistic older people.
- Queens discussion group on Meetup.com.


Homer_Bob
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22 Sep 2019, 4:35 pm

Expect rejection and not only embrace it, own it. Think of dating as learning a new subject. It takes a lot of studying and trial and error but the more you do it, the easier it gets. Yes dating sites are not an easy go. It takes a lot of searching but search within reasonable standards and perhaps keep an open mind.


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Kitty4670
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22 Sep 2019, 5:51 pm

For over 20 years, on & off I went on dating sites, I talked to alot of good guys & ok ones, I made friends there too. I took a very long break from dating sites, cuz I lost my mom & I wasn’t interested in finding men. When I went back, I was on OkCupid, I was only on one dating site, I found someone :D :D :heart: :heart: I’m still with him, we haven’t met yet, he in a different country for work, he’s an engineer, he building a big machine.


For me, I didn’t put in my profile that I have Cerebral Pasly, Aspergers, Psoriasis & Dyslexia. I didn’t want to scare men, I told some of them later.


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pricelessppp
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02 Nov 2019, 10:10 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
pricelessppp wrote:
I don’t have “friends” yet. I might not end up having cool friends like that anyway etc. And am hoping to do this stuff before I belong to a social circle.

In my opinion, if you don't have any experience with friendship, then you're probably not ready for a romantic relationship. A romantic relationship can be thought of as an advanced form of friendship. By this I mean that the skills needed to have a good romantic relationship include all the skills needed to have a good friendship, plus more, and it's easier to develop the common skills in the context of a friendship than in the context of a romantic relationship. (Also, in my experience at least, the most stable kind of romantic relationship is one that grows from a friendship.)

pricelessppp wrote:
I just don’t want to compete with guys over girls. Like if I got close to a girl and some handsomer guy butts in and ruins it for me. And am also Leary on advice in person now.

You need a relationship to be based on more than just things like looks and money. If the relationship is based on enough different things, then she won't jump ship just because a "handsomer guy" came along. The question is, how to achieve a relationship that is sufficiently multi-dimensional to be secure. More about that below.

pricelessppp wrote:
INo I haven’t though I’ve tried Facebook dating groups.. Most girls ask what jobs you have and when you say it most likely you get belittled.

Large dating groups or dating apps, especially those that are aimed at a general, non-specialized audience, will inevitably have what I call the mass mutual slave market mentality, focused on things like looks and money. I gather that a lot of the "red pill" and "incel" ideologies are based on men's experiences with dating apps (and, more specifically, the kinds of dating appst that came into existence within only the past 10 years).

It seems to me that the mass mutual slave market mentality is likely to lead to fragile, unstable relationships even for people who have both good looks and lucrative careers. It also, of course, leads to no romantic relationship at all for people who lack either of those things. So, any method of meeting people that encourages a mass mutual slave market mentality should be avoided.

Fortunately, dating apps aren't the only way to meet people. If you do choose to use dating apps at all, I would recommend small, specialized ones, rather than the more popular ones.

pricelessppp wrote:
And am a little apprehensive
of dating someone on the spectrum I’m a little concerned about clinginess.

Why do you assume that women on the spectrum would be more "clingy" than other women? Women on the spectrum have a wide variety of personalities.

To avoid the mass mutual slave market mentality, you need to find or build a social circle that is likely to include the kind of women you are likely to be compatible with.

What are your hobbies/interests?

Which of your hobbies/interests are male-dominated, vs. which of your hobbies/interests are shared by a lot of women as well as men? I would suggest that you try to find or build a social circle revolving around your hobbies/interests in the latter category.

How to build one's social circle is a complex topic in itself, one that probably deserves its own separate thread(s). For now I'll just mention Meetup groups as one possible route.


Pardon me for the late reply. I do know how to make friends when it happens.