Have you ever been attracted to unattractive individuals?

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Whale_Tuune
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24 Sep 2019, 6:03 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
If you call them unattractive then you are not sexually attracted to them .

You admire them , you admire their character, but you don't lust those in any sexual way.

Do they AROUSE you? Do you FANTASIZE about them during the night?

There's a strange culture that encourages people to confuse between admiration and sexual attraction in society, and many mistakenly go for the former without thinking of the latter, hence ending up in sexless marriages.


I've had some time to think about this, so I'll try to articulate what I mean.

The people in question may not be physically attractive. I may not view their physical characteristics as desirable or be attracted to their physical traits per se. However, their personality and/or abilities (some people have been very kind, others very intelligent, others very charismatic, etc) are attractive to me, such that the answer to your questions are, erm, yes.

I've heard it said that the brain is the largest sexual organ. Some anthropologists that I've read even go so far as to say most aspects of human culture on some level exist due to man's desire to sexually attract others. I wouldn't go that far, but non-physical characteristics can be just as sexy as physical ones, sometimes even to the point that they bypass physical characteristics and make someone who is, objectively, aesthetically unattractive, well...sexy.

I've crushed hard before on boys who were not attractive physically, but were so kindhearted that that didn't matter to me. However I sometimes feel as though that makes me odd, so I wanted others' perspectives on it. Some of the crushes I've had would be downright embarrassing to admit....... :oops:


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kraftiekortie
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24 Sep 2019, 6:18 pm

I've been sexually turned on to supposedly "unattractive"-looking people.

I'm very much a "demisexual."

I'm attracted to the mind of particular women.



martianprincess
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24 Sep 2019, 10:07 pm

I've been attracted to people that I found attractive. There's not a valid way to measure attractiveness, so I can't accurately answer. However, I have been attracted to people for their personalities and not simply how they look. I've never had a "type" either.


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Tokatekika
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27 Sep 2019, 5:01 am

Yep... Happens to me quite often actually... I am very much a person who starts finding people attractive because their personality and how they treat me over how "hot" they are... I really don't like choosing people on looks I think it's odd imo 8O


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27 Sep 2019, 6:23 am

I can look past certain "unattractive" physical traits if the person has the right personality and a high level of intelligence.



Sahn
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27 Sep 2019, 7:15 am

Yeah, quite often.
Maybe I have been prejudiced in the past and assumed that so called "hot" people would be up themselves. Compatibility would be my top priority, I'm often attracted to people whose faces are very expressive.

Meh....not to worried about being single, wouldn't mind having more friendship and laughter in my life.



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28 Sep 2019, 11:09 am

yes.


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Raphael F
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28 Sep 2019, 12:28 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
If you are attracted to them, they aren't unattractive.


Totally agree. Someone can be sexually attractive to you without being what the mainstream considers "conventionally attractive". In fact if that were not so, I'd probably have been single forever. The chemistry between two people makes sense only to those two individuals, and sometimes not even to them!

The girl who broke my heart in 2011 was not "my type" at all, but that didn't stop me trying to kill myself when things didn't work out (I am in a slightly better place now, I hasten to add).

There was a 1930s music-hall song, "Everyone's got sex appeal for someone, or many of us wouldn't be here."


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cyberdad
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28 Sep 2019, 8:17 pm

As usual Boo is keeping things real!

@OP
The moment you refer to "unattractive" you are actually meaning "sexually unnattractive".
I think its possible for young girls to be attractive to confidence/charisma/kindness and we know biologically these are traits that increase the chance of your progeny surviving so naturally you are drawn to people with these characteristics.
They trade off sexual attraction for other things.

Young NT women often are drawn to unnattactive men who are confident/charismatic and socially powerful
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The Grand Inquisitor
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28 Sep 2019, 11:53 pm

A good personality could potentially turn me onto someone who I wouldn't otherwise notice, or wouldn't find particularly attractive, but not someone who I find to be ugly or unattractive.



The Grand Inquisitor
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28 Sep 2019, 11:59 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
If you call them unattractive then you are not sexually attracted to them .

You admire them , you admire their character, but you don't lust those in any sexual way.

Do they AROUSE you? Do you FANTASIZE about them during the night?

There's a strange culture that encourages people to confuse between admiration and sexual attraction in society, and many mistakenly go for the former without thinking of the latter, hence ending up in sexless marriages.

I think if you're on the fence about someone, like you don't find yourself drawn to them, but you're also not repulsed at the thought of being with them, a good personality can sometimes help get them over the like to where you are interested in them. But then, it also depends on what other options you have available. If you're in the top 1% attractiveness, you'll probably never need to settle for someone that you're not immensely attracted to.



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29 Sep 2019, 1:49 am

I suppose it depends, I imagine some people would not find my boyfriend attractive, but he is to me so I don't have an objective opinion.


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Benjamin the Donkey
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29 Sep 2019, 4:19 am

If you are attracted to someone, then that person is by definition "attractive".


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cyberdad
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29 Sep 2019, 5:19 am

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
If you are attracted to someone, then that person is by definition "attractive".

Depends if you are attracted to them as friends or sex partners



The Grand Inquisitor
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29 Sep 2019, 6:45 am

cyberdad wrote:
Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
If you are attracted to someone, then that person is by definition "attractive".

Depends if you are attracted to them as friends or sex partners

I don't know that most people use the term "attracted to" in a platonic context. I've never heard it used that way. Being "attracted to" someone generally implies romantic or sexual interest.



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29 Sep 2019, 8:46 am

Hmm. Well, I've certainly had moments where I've wondered why on Earth I ever had a crush on someone. Usually due to their personality, but sometimes because of their appearance since I no longer find them attractive. Almost as if I've broken out of a trance I was once in.

I must admit that I am usually drawn to certain traits. As for how long it takes for me to develop a crush, it can vary. Either it takes a while for those feelings to develop, or I've felt irrationally nervous yet a desire to be close to someone despite not knowing them all that well.

I've even had shallow feelings for strangers before. A strange seemingly contradictory impulse for physical contact with them despite the fact that I'm usually uncomfortable with such things.

Whilst I might find them unattractive after the crush has faded, I find them attractive whilst I still have that crush.


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