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Dhevix
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 6 Sep 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 4

23 Sep 2019, 7:49 pm

I've been told by partners and family members that when we get into an argument, I will cause it to go around and around in a circle, cover the same points repeatedly, and ask the same questions until the other person becomes frustrated and even a little maddened by it.

If I'm asking for an answer to a question, an apology, or something else similar when they eventually get to it, they'll tell me they've repeated exactly the same statement previously in the conversation but I didn't seem to listen to it/hear it.

I have no memory of them saying it previously. I've been told I'll repeat myself several times but I don't rememver that either- I've tried focusing on it, to notice myself doing it or to make sure I am really definitely properly listening to the other person and that we defintely gone around in a circle....but I can't see it. We can cover what feels to me like several different important points and I'll be told I've just repeated myself over and over.

Does anyone else have this issue? Any tips? It's obviously distressing to other people so I really don't like doing it, but it's hard to stop something I can't catch myself doing!



WalkerTR
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

Joined: 21 Sep 2019
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 78

24 Sep 2019, 6:40 am

You could record yourself in a discussion to see if you are doing that.

If so, you probably get caught up in the heat of the moment and don't really pay attention to what you are saying or your memory is faulty (no gaslight)

If you think its stress/anxiety try focussing on yourself in a conversation and try to remain calm,in several months it will become easier



Sahn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Jan 2018
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,503
Location: UK

24 Sep 2019, 7:30 am

I've been there and it was exhausting.

I think it can happen when one person is looking for reassurances and the other person feels under attack and starts to defend their position.

Are your arguments just niggles or are there underlying emotional demands that someone isn't recognising?