I feel like I can’t communicate with my therapist
I first started seeing a therapist when I was a teenager, way before my diagnosis, when I was dealing with unmanageable anxiety. I got that under control, thanks to medication, and I’ve been on different medications and gone to different providers over the years. When I started going to a community health group, I had a great relationship with my first therapist there. Like I really felt that I was getting good help to look at myself. Since she left that practice, I’ve bounced around a bit within the group with various levels of success.
I’ve gotten more and more frustrated as time’s gone by. I’ve tried to explain to my current therapist what it is that I’m looking for, but I don’t communicate well with emotions and I feel like I don’t have the right verbiage to get my point across. Every time I take a tentative step to try open the conversation, it feels like it’s shut down, or dismissed. Even when I feel like I said something that she might’ve picked up on, it’s forgotten by the next session. There’s no follow up on whatever I say, and I don’t feel like my self-assessments are being validated at all.
How can I communicate this? I feel like there must be therapy methods I can point to and say “this doesn’t work for me” or “this is what I’ve found helpful”, but I don’t know how to go about any of this.
I struggle with this too. I've learned a lot from therapy, but after a year I still don't feel that she really understands me.
I'm learning that it's okay to quietly disagree with therapists on certain issues. They have specific professional standards that they must adhere to, and opinions they legally must uphold - which I can accept, but I don't have to agree with them. Psychology is not an exact science, and the current methods are not perfect.
In terms of your self-assessments being invalidated - maybe next time you could explain, 'this is how I see myself and my situation' - and ask if she agrees? And if she doesn't, it's okay to respectfully disagree with her opinion. You know yourself better than she does (and it sounds like she's not listening well to begin with.)
Hope things improve from here (for both of us) - it's definitely a challenge!
I appreciate your response...
It's almost like she doesn't know ASD101... for instance, when I try to say that I feel like people tend to take me a certain way or I am unsure how I'm being perceived, she'll say, "I think you seem fine! I think you present yourself well!" Like all the teachers and other professionals that have said that since I'm "smart" there's nothing wrong with me. (I use the word "wrong" loosely, as in, diagnosable.) When I've given her resources about autistic perspectives, I don't think she's paid attention. Once I was trying to describe how I felt in a situation and got sick of her always saying, "Everyone feels like that sometimes," and I said, "Yeah, but not everyone is diagnosed with ASD!" But nothing changed.
Here's a galling example... She's always trying to get me to find random groups of people to meet up with or to plan social events. And I'm trying to describe feelings of social disconnect or isolation (not physical isolation), but she listens to the things I'm saying, and after a few seconds she brings up making social plans. And I was like "Going out and being where there are people doesn't make me feel less lonely!" (I felt like it was an emotional outburst; who knows how it seemed to her.) She seemed to take notice and said, "Do you feel lonely?" in almost a surprised way. And I said yes. It was towards the end of the session, but next session there was no mention of it or picking up where we had left off. Does that seem weird to you? It does to me. And because I don't see signs as what I would describe as a responsible interlocutor, I feel like I don't trust her to open up in any real way.
I do think she's a nice and interesting person, like someone I would enjoy having conversations with, but she's just not getting it for therapy. The thing is, when I can't articulate what I do need, I'm kind of wary of just jumping to another person to try.
What you guys are describing is fairly common. I've experienced it myself. If the therapist comes from a psychodynamic/psychotherapy background, they are trained to focus on people describing their emotions. Since this is one thing that autistic people do badly, therapists who don't understand ASD are pretty lost for something to work with. Also, they do this thing called mirroring, which can leave an autistic person pretty confused.
With ASD, the therapist needs to be very structured. Also, I think both the way they are recruited and trained, leaves them unaware that other people don't have the kind of hardware they have.
I seriously think that if your therapist does the 'everybody feels like that' thing, you need to communicate to her that the degree in ASD is much stronger than in neurotypical people, and honestly, if she doesn't get it, change therapists. What she is doing is not helpful, it's damaging. And you can tell her I said so.
Cognitive behavioral therapy seems to work best for auties, but of course there are exceptions.
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I sometimes leave conversations and return after a long time. I am sorry about it, but I need a lot of time to think about it when I am not sure how I feel.
Welcome to WP
Communicate with your therapist in writing. Even what you wrote in your original post is great. You are much more able to be articulate and to get your thoughts across in writing and she can't shut you down like when you are trying to speak. I do that sometimes too. I write something out at home and then my therapist prints it and reads it when I am there. That really helps.
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"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."
Wreck It Ralph
ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,483
Location: Long Island, New York
The therapist is supposed to be working for you not the other way around. Treat the therapist as an employer would an employee. After an effort if things are not working out fire her and hire somebody else.
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Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity
It is Autism Acceptance Month
“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman
Am quite sure most psyche pros , are clueless , when it come to aspies been seeing various one each for extended periods, never felt could let my hair down with any but i tried . Most recently when funding for my therapy was stopping cause my therapist didn-t have adequate credentials . And we parted smooth , earlier in session had asked how to get past some homicidal feelings over 13 yrs old for a brother whom executed my husband point blank . At insistance of my brothers gf . No other witness and brother let his gf take the fall, ..i figured it out. Using only available facts , DA didnt care brothers gf got acquitted.. So having said this it might stick in your craw. So to speak. No resolution ever. Tried tried many years.. So i ask therapist how to deal with or stop these feelings . Session ends ..no worries am going to try to restore funds, to be able to continue therapy with her..
Next morning 10: am ,, knock on the door ...bang bang bang.. its the police ..? Crises intervention unit .... How may i help you ?
Police: are you going to kill someone.. ?or hurt yourself ? W.T.F. .. advise me they are sent by my therapist.
Brother and his gf are 1800 miles away btw.
Guess we are NOT on the same page, especially as have told her police had traumatized me in recent past . For and to No end or reason.....gonna keep my hair up in a bun from now on with any therapist.
Yes not communicating well with therapist .
_________________
Diagnosed hfa
Loves velcro,
Next morning 10: am ,, knock on the door ...bang bang bang.. its the police ..? Crises intervention unit .... How may i help you ?
Police: are you going to kill someone.. ?or hurt yourself ? W.T.F. .. advise me they are sent by my therapist.
Brother and his gf are 1800 miles away btw.
Guess we are NOT on the same page, especially as have told her police had traumatized me in recent past . For and to No end or reason.....gonna keep my hair up in a bun from now on with any therapist.
Yes not communicating well with therapist .
Would you like advice on how to possible deal with these thoughts?
_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."
Wreck It Ralph
Next morning 10: am ,, knock on the door ...bang bang bang.. its the police ..? Crises intervention unit .... How may i help you ?
Police: are you going to kill someone.. ?or hurt yourself ? W.T.F. .. advise me they are sent by my therapist.
Brother and his gf are 1800 miles away btw.
Guess we are NOT on the same page, especially as have told her police had traumatized me in recent past . For and to No end or reason.....gonna keep my hair up in a bun from now on with any therapist.
Yes not communicating well with therapist .
Would you like advice on how to possible deal with these thoughts?
Yes please , other than just not see a therapist please feel free to message me
_________________
Diagnosed hfa
Loves velcro,
Communicate with your therapist in writing. Even what you wrote in your original post is great. You are much more able to be articulate and to get your thoughts across in writing and she can't shut you down like when you are trying to speak. I do that sometimes too. I write something out at home and then my therapist prints it and reads it when I am there. That really helps.
I agree with skibum. I communicate better in writing than verbally. It gives me time to collect my thoughts and really say what I mean very precisely. There is much less pressure in communicating in this manner. And your therapist doesn't really have to take notes because you have already done it for them.
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Author of Practical Preparations for a Coronavirus Pandemic.
A very unique plan. As Dr. Paul Thompson wrote, "This is the very best paper on the virus I have ever seen."
Next morning 10: am ,, knock on the door ...bang bang bang.. its the police ..? Crises intervention unit .... How may i help you ?
Police: are you going to kill someone.. ?or hurt yourself ? W.T.F. .. advise me they are sent by my therapist.
Brother and his gf are 1800 miles away btw.
Guess we are NOT on the same page, especially as have told her police had traumatized me in recent past . For and to No end or reason.....gonna keep my hair up in a bun from now on with any therapist.
Yes not communicating well with therapist .
I am sorry you experienced this.
_________________
Author of Practical Preparations for a Coronavirus Pandemic.
A very unique plan. As Dr. Paul Thompson wrote, "This is the very best paper on the virus I have ever seen."
Next morning 10: am ,, knock on the door ...bang bang bang.. its the police ..? Crises intervention unit .... How may i help you ?
Police: are you going to kill someone.. ?or hurt yourself ? W.T.F. .. advise me they are sent by my therapist.
Brother and his gf are 1800 miles away btw.
Legally, therapists are required to report certain things. The intake paperwork for the therapist I'll be seeing soon includes the following:
I may use or disclose PHI without your consent or authorization in the following circumstances:
• Abuse: If I believe or suspect that you are abusing a child, an elderly person, or a disabled person I must file a report with a state agency. Alternatively, if a child I am treating discloses having experienced abuse, I am also required to report that information. To “abuse” means to neglect, hurt, or sexually molest another person.
• Serious Threat to Harm or Safety: If you threaten serious harm to another person, I am required to try to protect that person. If you seriously threaten or act in a way that is likely to harm yourself, I may need to disclose information to protect you. In an emergency where your life or health is in danger, and I cannot get your consent, I may give another professional some information to protect your life.
• Health Oversight: If there is an inquiry or complaint about my professional conduct to the New York State or Connecticut Board for Psychology, I must furnish to the New York or Connecticut Commissioner of Education, your confidential mental health records relevant to this inquiry.
• Judicial or Administrative Proceedings: If you are involved in a proceeding and a request is made for information about the professional services that I've provided you and/or their records thereof, such information is privileged under state law, and I must not release this information without your written authorization, or a court order. This privilege does not apply when you are being evaluated for a third party or where the evaluation is court ordered. I must inform you in advance if this is the case. If you were sent to me for an evaluation by a worker’s compensation or Social Security disability, I will be sending my report to a representative of that agency and it can contain information regarding your psychological condition and treatment.
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