Would you leave your partner in the ER even if they told you

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https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/ ... the_er_to/


Summery: Girlfriend was having pneumonia.The boyfriend didn't want to be in the ER for hours so he asked her if he can go to the gym and she tells him to go ahead and she doesn't care. The man leaves to go work out. That evening she tells him to leave (I assume they live in separate homes) so he leaves and the following day she is ignoring him.


I don't know if the man is autistic or not because he did what she told him he can do and is now not speaking to him who is now maybe an ex now. But the comments are very harsh (despite that the rules say be civil) and someone even asked if he is mentally challenged. Not because he took her literal, but because he thought it would be a good idea to ask her if he can go to the gym and come back. The fact he doesn't know she dumped him tells me this man is socially inept. The fact he is wondering if he is an a**hole for listening to her by leaving.

Here is a gem response:

So she maybe dumped him because she wants a man who is socially smart and doesn't need everything spelled out to him and being told how he should act in situations.


Honestly I feel this is all a game people play, they give you these subtle hints and want you to read their mind and want you to pick how to act in a situation and if you guess wrong, game over. Same as when to not take their word.


Would you leave your partner in the ER even if they told you you can leave them there?

My husband knows our communication is literal and that I do rational things even if they are against social practice.
If he wanted to leave, I would most likely say something like "can you bring me a book first?" and then I would be okay with him leaving.
If he told me to leave, I would leave.

But when I try to imagine the situation, I can't erase our children and need to take care of them from the picture. So one of us would most likely leave quite early and the other wouldn't blame them.

I didn't read it but my reaction is: she made this problem. Don't agree to his leaving and expect he's supposed to know you mean "no". He should count himself lucky she cut him loose.

"So she maybe dumped him because she wants a man who is socially smart and doesn't need everything spelled out to him and being told how he should act in situations."

I don't even think she put this much thought into it. It sounds like petty b.s.

I think sometimes ND's attribute too much deliberate spite against them on the part of NT's. 95 % of what an NT does or says is not related to someone else being ND.

I agree with you. Not everything NTs say is reverse psychology. I understand people can be modest, like if you offered someone a ride and at first you say, "no, it's OK", so that it doesn't look like you were secretly wanting to be offered a ride (whether you were or not).
I think she was being sarcastic when she said to go ahead and that she doesn't care. She could have compromised and encouraged him to do what he likes to do while she gets some rest then he come back later to be with her again.

I think she was rather immature to not talk to him after she got home, even if she did feel a bit upset. She should perhaps tell him how she feels, make up, and be glad to be home and well.

or the woman should simply have said "I really need you here when I'm going through this" or whatever instead of playing games. I was prone to pneumonia until I was vaccinated a few yrs ago. It sucks. But it has to get pretty bad to go to a hospital- I mean, you'd be feverish, on drugs and oxygen. If he asking to leave, and she was cognizant enough to agree, she couldn't have been in such terrible shape that he should have stayed.

granted, we are a getting personalized/subjective story from a web thread so none of us really have any idea how it truly played out.

That man did nothing wrong. If the woman had answered his guestion with a no and the man left anyway, then I'd understand her ire. Same if he'd left without saying anything, but this is just petty (on the woman's part.) Though if she dumps him for this then it's probably for the best for the both of them.

As for me, it would depend on if my partner wanted me to stay or not and if I had somewhere important to be. If he wanted me to leave I would, and if I had to go to work I would as long as I'm convinced he'd be fine without me.

I wish I could have a good view of the commenters and all,

But every post in that sub reddit involving someone with a disabled sibling makes me pretty darn sure most don't give a dang about that kind of stuff and are clueless in the worst possible way.

He was suggesting going to the gym while they were still in the car park, before getting into the waiting room. Then he wanted to leave her before she knew what was wrong. By the time he bought it up again she was like "Go".

When I suffered a stroke, my best friend / exboyfriend was with me. He got me to hospital and went home because he lives several hours away and it was snowing. There was nothing he could do so I told him to go. People think this is really odd, but I'm not sure why he should have stayed.

If I told someone it was OK to go, then I wouldn't have the right to expect otherwise.

I would only do so if she insists that I leave.

My wife would not want me to leave her alone in the ER.

I, on the other hand, might not care as much. I might not want anybody around me when I'm not feeling well.

If I were the one asked to leave, and my partner was the one in hospital ... I would stay if it was a critical injury / illness. If it was less serious I would take their direction. I wouldn't have gone to the Gym though. I would run errands for the person, tidy their house, and stay by the phone in case they needed support.

Yeah....that's what I would have done.

I did the laundry for my mother (only the clothes she came in the hospital with) when she had her stroke.

That was more constructive than me "being there" while they were examining her.

I agree with you on all counts. "If he loves me he would know" has to be one of the worst relationship-killing attitudes ever.Hey, I'm autistic, not stupid!

Four years ago my mom got a stroke

My dad, sister and I were in the hospital with my mom

After sitting around waiting for too long, I asked my sister to drive me to the bus stop

He and she (they) tried to guilt trip me

But I don't understand

What the flying f**k is the problem?

She wasn't even conscious




My dad had a car

My sister has a medical degree

I have neither

It was too crowded in the room

Hot temperature, loud, smelly

No good reason to be there



Likewise, if I were in the ER, unless it's someone I explicitly request, I would rather be alone

Dad and sister are like, whatever s**t. Because I don't want them distracting or disturbing or manipulating me

If my partner was in the ER and asked me to leave, I would honor his wishes. If it turned out he was playing some kind of manipulative game, and dumped me over it - fantastic. Best not to be with someone like that.

This is sort of me and my NT husband. But not. My NT husband stuck around in the ER, but when I was stabilized afterwards and for other traumatic medical events he was absent. He's avoidant in a big way. I really needed to have him there, but he would say "You don't want me there, do you?" and me taking the hint would honor his wish "No, it's ok, do your thing". When it was totally not ok for me to be alone. This happened repeatedly (I had a lot of medical issues there for a while); you'd think we'd learn but he kept thinking - I want to avoid this and I kept thinking - I can do it myself. Wrong. I recognize it was a poor dynamic on both our parts, so we're still together and maybe one day we'll break the cycle. Either he will say "I am coming right away!" or "I won't leave your side" --- and if not then I will say "I'm sorry, but I really need you here."

Unfortunately the dynamic even manifests in little requests I make around the house. We both need some serious assertiveness training or something.