How do aspies deal with breakups?

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Fair comment!

I got dumped in 1999 and I don't think I ever got over that. I dealt with it pretty badly at the time. It was unexpected, and it was unwelcome, and I was sure the girl was making a mistake. Also I was probably aware that, because of my social ineptitude, it might be a long time before I found myself anyone else that amazing, if ever. My A.S.D. makes me allergic to the unexpected, and childishly reluctant to accept the unwelcome, and if I think things are not how they should be (e.g. badly parked cars, clumsy paintwork, crummy politics, you name it...) I go out of my mind. So these could be among the factors that may make it even harder for an Aspie to deal with break-ups than it already is for an NT. People have been calling me obsessive for as long as I can remember: my mind won't let go of an idea; I think there can be a rigidity of thought in the A.S.D. mind that makes it really hard to just shrug your shoulders and move on.

After a few more relationships, I did find myself someone even more amazing, but that went wrong in 2011 and I'm only just beginning to get over that...the lady in question is my desktop screen background in 2019...

But ultimately I don't think there is an answer to your question, partly because NTs don't necessarily deal with break-ups too well themselves (as you indeed confirm), and partly because Aspies aren't all the same.

With beer.

I deal with break ups pretty well - considering I am usually the one who breaks up, due to burnout and needing time for myself, without the emotional baggage of "not spending enough time" with the "other half".

However it depends how much I depended on them, whatever or not they were filling a need of mine and if they were a part of my daily life or not. For example it was pretty difficult when I broke up with my first boyfriend not because I broke up with him but because he let me realize I want sex. So I registered on a dating website right away, to fill that emptiness with another relationship (not like it worked though, it's not so easy to start a relationship for an aspie, it should be easy considering I am a girl but I didn't want to have sex with just anyone but with someone I would marry if I accidentally got pregnant).

There is also the issue with "not deserving love" and "not being able to fall in love ever again". It's not a strong thing because most of the time my mind is busy with whatever my current passion is and relationships are tiring anyway in the long run but considering how difficult it is for me to find someone who accepts me for who I am being suddenly left alone might make me not be able to see any future in the world of relationships. I might try to date someone again if they accidently fall in love with me but I won't be actively looking for another relationship.

My first break up was when I was 17. I just kept going with my life and didn’t go out till two months later. My last I tried to move on with my life. The pain still hurts, but slowly recovering. I cashed in my chips for about a year. Now trying to get back on the horse. I tried to focus on my hobbies, goals and job.

But, all things equal, which they are not, it seems , to me, that autistics deal with breakups slower and worse than neurotypicals[/quote]



The reason for this is that people come and go much less often for people on the spectrum. People on the spectrum sometimes wait for what feels like forever for someone to give them the time of day. But unfortunately that one person may be actually incompatible. The friendship or relationship ends. Some of us actually stop trying. But at the same time, you fulfill your life by doing some good things for others, getting closer to God and spirituality, getting therapy from an honest and good therapist who has a conscious and especially linking with people who can relate and actually understand what you are going through.

Very much agree this is one reason. Seems to me also, though, that some of us cope extra-badly with change and with the unexpected, and if an A.S.D. person has a definite idea of how things ought to be (e.g. "This person and I ought to be together"), that idea can be extra-difficult to let go of. So yes, there are A.S.D. reasons why getting over it might take longer.

On the plus side, the black-and-white, brutally logical thinking that can go with being an Aspie has helped me to deal well with break-ups when it was obvious to me the break-up was due. I take way longer than an NT to get over a break-up when I didn't think it was the right thing; I take milliseconds to adjust to being single again when I do think breaking up was the right thing (which the NT ex can find upsetting and perceive as cold-hearted, of course).