How do you be friends with people?

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What exactly do you mean by "get sucked in other's problems"? Do you simply mean that you have a desire to help people when they are having problems? If so, that's a good thing -- but only if your friends reciprocate and help you when you need help too. I would suggest that, as you get to know people, you do occasional small favors for them and see if they reciprocate in any way, at least eventually. (But avoid the pitfall of rigid score-keeping; a friendship is not a business transaction.)


I would suggest that you try to be more aware of your specific reasons for finding someone interesting.


Earlier you referred to it as a "support group"; now you're calling it a "social group." What kind of group is it, exactly, and what does it do? Does it have discussion meetings, or is it just socializing? Does it, for example, have a discussion meeting in a rented room somewhere, and then go out to dinner afterward? Or does it have a variety of different kinds of events?


I didn't mean to suggest that you put a lot of time and effort into one-on-one interaction with this person, separate from the group you both attend. However, if you and the other person both continue to attend the group, then you can continue to get to know each other in the context of the group. Then you can make a more informed decision about whether you want to spend more time with this person outside the group.

Answer to Mona's post:
I mean that I end up doing too many favors or concentrate on solving others problems instead of my own or neglecting things I need to do to help them. I never liked score-keeping and hate when people do it(unless it's a Huge imbalance and they are doing it to balance it out).

I don't have a specific reason for finding someone interesting, I do it based on how I feel. Unless you do mean things like insults or I don't like your mannerisms(such as excessive profanity in public) the only thing left is how I feel.

Also I don't remember ever refering to my social skills group as a "support group". It's a group where we go to learn about proper social etiquette and getting better prepared for real life. Also making friends and going places(though I think that's more of a bonus). We have parties and outings as well.

Getting to know someone .... ? Hmm.. if you can survive it , and arent recovering from all the previous NT bs , might be a idea to seek a friend . After being burned even by immediate family . Such endeavours , might not be so eagerly undertaken. Even dissed by a family with aspie kidz .
But ever so politely . Oddly enough alot of my personal projects . Get most attention , when on my own. And material accomplishments for my own self . Seem to come to fruition .
Currently recovering from previous gaslighting experience by a Older N T woman,and 300 dollars to her granddaughter was blind for 10 yrs , cause needed a friend. Sorry not such good post.
Hope for better luck for everykne else.

I've been extremely awkward and bad at greeting others/saying bye my whole life. It didn't help that i was bullied in high school and it stunted my ability to be loud and present in group situations. A lot of traumatic events have happened during my life that have prevented me from gaining confidence, speaking well and being outgoing/extroverted.

Not having friends, support systems and dealing with severe depression + anxiety are part of it. I wish people would understand that I am not always capable or willing to engage in small talk like "good morning/evening", "how was the weekend" with all my coworkers. Saying hi to each and everyone is exhausting for me and often I overthink it and say some awkward s**t.

My introverted personality is turning people off and I'm scared of rejection/failure. I just don't know how to succeed in a world built for extroverts.

So you don't have any specific interests that you enjoy talking about, or any specific activities you enjoy doing with others, or any political or other worldview issues on which you have strong opinions?


Looking back at earlier posts in this thread, I see that indeed you didn't use the term "support group." I must have gotten some things mixed up somehow.


Thanks for the clarification.

You also wrote:


How many different co-workers are you expected to engage in small talk with each day?

I would've needed one in my late teens. Is it one of those where people are taught basic independent life skills (cooking, doing laundry, paying bills, grocery shopping etc.) and social skills are just a small part of it or are social skills and etiquette the main theme?

Don't argue with people over every little point.

I used to do that---and I lost friends as a result.

Agreed, but the problem is the word "little." Something that you consider a big deal can seem small and meaningless to others. That's the real problem; even autistic people (most anyway) learn fast to not argue about meaningless things, but our idea of meaningless is often different than an average person's.

I do not see the point in interacting with people at work. I see no point in small talk or being friendly to people. I just want to do my job and go home and not waste time on pointless chit chat.

Both are very valid points , but some defference should be given to those who
Needs things clarified , fixed , reinforced ? Etc. Meaningless contains meaning as the root word .. lol small to some , insurmountable to others .
Basis for understanding , starts with a base .

This is so important. Wish I understood this at an early age.