Stressed over marriage proposal fallout.

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The loving and wanting to spend forever with that person I get.

The marriage part, and by that I mean the Wedding event itself, is just hellish and looks like the ultimate form of torture for an aspie.

As Ferris said, and extrapolated a little, can we have an online wedding?

Talk to him. If you have trouble voicing your thoughts correctly, write him a letter that tells what you've told us here. Or show him this thread.

Since the planning and being the center of the attention are what scare you, wouldn't a small wedding with no other guests but the needed witnesses do? It wouldn't need much planning and if you're members of a religious community, you can still have your tiny wedding in a church. Surely there's no rule against tiny weddings in your religion.

Definitely talk to him. I think in most relationships there's talk of marriage and if both people affirm that idea then there's often an unspoken understanding that the man is planning on "popping the question" at some point. Engagement ring shopping or at least browsing together is an obvious indication that both parties are understood to be receptive to the idea of marriage together.

Maybe this is an autism thing, but I don't think it's fair for one person to spring a marriage proposal literally without any prior allusions on an autistic partner. For goodness' sake, I have to stop and contemplate my answer to simple questions. To be expected to answer on the spot whether or not I'd marry someone when the topic hasn't come up recently as a probable proposal is extremely presumptuous and even inconsiderate.

Well I managed to speak with him last night and I voiced my fears about marriage and it seemed to go well i would marry him now if I could have a wedding where all I had to do is pick up the dress I want and have everything sorted and also not needing to dance as I can't dance.

Personally I just want the wedding meal with family then the wedding night and honeymoon.

The major problem is that I often get mixed up with what I want. Thankfully he's not on this forum but there's times when we are intimate and I have a massive desire to have a baby but then it goes when we finish.

I was told by my counselor that those feelings could be due to the emotional intimacy I have when I'm making love

I also think not just for the person being asked it could become uncomfortable when such a question arises out if the blue, but the person making the proposal is also putting themselves at too much risk of rejection or getting hurt.

Once a woman at work said she is waiting for a proposal from her boyfriend. I don't understand such a situation, why she is waiting, did she not already make it clear to him that she would like to marry him? Then the waiting for proposal is a dumb superfluous game. If they have already voiced their opinions to each other that they can imagine a marriage, why does HE have to make an additional proposal, why does she have to 'wait' for him to propose. Why don't they bring up the topic somehow and agree in a mutual conversation that they want to have a legal contract to make their seperation more difficult and to gain some financial benefits, and cut out the proposal part? The man making a marriage proposal is an outdated tradition, I don't understand the purpose.

If you aren't sure, you shouldn't do it. If you have mixed feelings about marriage don't do it just because you might think you are supposed to do it because it would be "fair" to him.

Did you speak with him about wanting/not wanting children? Does he want children?

I don't think he wants children though he admits it's complex he had a daughter with his ex before we started to date but she died young and since then he's always blamed himself for her death and carries it like a burden.

Marriage I to be honest would do cause I love him and want to be his but I'm scared of having a day where everyone is looking at me.

Are you ok with not having children? Do you consider it possible that he would change his mind one day?

I don't want to ever marry, but I understand your fears about the ceremony. I would have the same fears plus I wouldn't even have anybody to invite which would make me look even weirder. It is good that you could reach a compromise with him.

If you're mostly afraid of the ceremony, then maybe you and him could skip that part. Me and my boyfriend don't plan on having a ceremony for it, because neither one of us want to stand in front of a group of people for that nonsense. Is he set on having some kind of ceremony?

Oof. I totally get where you're coming from though.

When I got married, I said I didn't want a wedding. It sounded too stressful and I didn't want to deal with being the center of attention. I didn't want to change my last name. I won't wear a ring.

Marriage is not romantic for me. I only did it to get health insurance. My husband was disappointed that I didn't want a ceremony but he understood.

The advice you've gotten here is good, so I won't repeat stuff but I just wanted to add that you're not alone and I get it.

Yikes. Please don't do it if you don't want to. If it turns out you can't tolerate it, it will be a financial nightmare to disentangle. What's strange to me is the fact that this cultural custom (wedding/social marriage) is tied up in legal marriage (becoming a corporation of two and having property in common, etc). I want to "get married" to my partner, but I don't want all of our assets to be combined, and he feels the same way.