Work Place Saga

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Evening all, I am new to Wrong Planet so Hi.

I have a work place saga and I am not entirely sure what to think or do for the best maybe some of you can help. I work in IT, Computers and related technologies are my life, it has been said I would marry my technology if I could

I have recently started working for a company and this is the first time I have worked with a team and had a direct manager, previously I had worked alone.

I am finding it very difficult to get on with management for one reason or another, for the most part the issue stems from me getting frustrated, and then tending to raise my voice, which has already seen me warned that it will become a disciplinary matter if it continues.

The issue here is that I do not actually realise that I have raised my voice until it has already happened, my attempt to explain this has fell on deaf ears.

I have always felt that this is part of my Autism as it has been an issue for as long as I have been alive, my boss remains determined it is something I can and must change but I am not sure I can even though I want to,

Advice most welcome ladies and gentlemen.

It could be they are wording their concerns in a vague manner and it is not that you are raising your voice per se, but that you are answering them back.

Is it the case that they are asking you to do something and you are saying that you "can't do it because of....."

I think it is a combination of actually raising ones voice, and taking a defensive line/attitude.

I have avoided blaming my autism as much as practicably possible,

"Is it the case that they are asking you to do something and you are saying that you "can't do it because of....."

it tends to be more a case of when me and the "BOSS" do not see eye to eye, I tend to present my argument in and over baring manor, apparently raising ones voice, which is probably the result of the mind feeling it is not being heard I would think although I am not sure.

I am not even aware that my attitude and or tone/volume have changed until I am being checked for it by which time it is to late.

So sorry for the hardship. Definitely clarify. If it's something you have control over and have the desire to, great (I've been reading lots of books changing habits). If you neither have control or desire, and they won't adjust, move on. Or it's just straight up prejudice, run away!! ! In my situation (I am "too loud" and "too" everything according to this mgmt), it is a hostile workplace (gross pay inequities also) and I am leaving. That said, it's after over a year of trying to bridge the gap. I've learned (some assertiveness) and they've learned (some appreciation). We both have more work to do, I'm taking mine elsewhere.

A lack of understanding and or ability to see the true limitations of the complex difficulties I have is certainly part of the overall picture,

I sympathize with your situation.

The issue has often to do with the fact that if I try to educate management on how better to work with me,

I meet with answers such as "this is my company, I am the boss and you will not tell me how I should speak to you, I will not avoid saying something just because it might upset you"

Which makes it clear there is limited willingness to adapt to my needs, not helped by the fact that they are showing little room for movement with me due to the working conditions my predecessor created, I feel this has resulted in less willingness to compromise from management.

Yuck. Just yuck.

Bosses don't like either of those.

This may help. It may not.

I often found the best way to de-escalate a potential argument that is bubbling up is to start agreeing with the other person. You may be right in your opinion, but sometimes it is more prudent not to push it to the point of having a full scale barney. Sometimes it isn't worth the effort to score "the point".

You know you are right, I know you are right. Let others think they are right - it is easier.

An example may help:
Suppose the boss asks you to change a light bulb, but you know that putting that bulb in that socket will cause it to blow. You could tell the boss you "can't do it because the bulb will blow", and they might say "so what just do it". [argument ensues]. The alternative is to agree to change the bulb. Either there and then and the bulb blows, or you wait till the boss has gone then you go and find a different bulb that won't blow and put that one in instead, leaving the boss none-the-wiser.

I read somewhere (probably here) that NT's are more bothered about proving WHO is right. ND's are more bothered about proving WHAT is right.

NT's will look for someone to blame, ND's are more likely to try and find what is to blame.
NT= you are not following the [broken] system correctly
ND= how can we change the system to make sure that mistake doesn't happen again?

EDIT: I just remembered you are in IT.

So suppose the boss wants you to write a program or do some IT "thingy" that you know won't work how they want it to work. Rather than telling them that (i.e. arguing with them) try to agree to do "what they say they want", but then do it how "you want" to do it. As long as it actually does what they want in the end they probably won't bother.

What was this in reference to ?

I am a touch confused

Some of this is certainly helpful, slightly difficult to work out the best application of some of it to my role and the dynamic. However certainly encouraging food for though and avenues to explore.

any more suggestions are most welcome.