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chris1989
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11 Oct 2019, 1:54 pm

I seem to people find me unattractive and boring in real life and online, I hardly had any group of friends to hang out with at school, college, uni, in my own leisure time (back then my social skills were maybe not as fully developed as they are now), people tended to leave me alone and only had a few people approach me and say Hi, people hardly spoke to me on social media because I had 'friends' who didn't know me well and even those who did know me and recognise me wouldn't always talk to me, after posting negative whining and attention seeking posts, people would hardly comment or like what I posted even when it was positive and interesting stuff I like to share with people and was trying to compare myself to other people with what other stuff they did on social media. I would post a negative whiny rant or something online because I wanted people to understand how I felt. People have ended up blocking me or deleting me which doesn't help and at times take it personally. When I've gone on two dating sites lately in order to meet someone, people hardly message me or view me. I don't know what the problem is they have with me. Is it them ? Is it me ? I was even annoyed at myself and angry in my head one time when I tried to befriend someone a plane back from Rome, during most of the flight we didn't talk at all, she didn't look like she paid attention to me at all and I was struggling to find a way to start the conversation and then on the arrival back home I tried to chat to her as we were coming off the flight which probably made us both feel awkward and she thought I must have been a weirdo following her and in the end I stopped and for the rest of the night I was a low mood and beating myself up in my head because of the inability to befriend her. I do at times hate myself for being the way I am with AS.



Fnord
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11 Oct 2019, 2:07 pm

Sorry to say this, but it's a simple fact of life that in order to attract interest, you must first be interesting to those whom you wish to attract.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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11 Oct 2019, 4:57 pm

"a weirdo ", by definition, is not "boring"

Different people find different things "boring"

Not everything is interesting or exciting

Nor should it be

Adrenal fatigue

Boring is like, obsessive compulsive disorder

The world contains seven billion precious lil "people"

Some of them find you fascinating.

Some of them find you boring



Mountain Goat
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11 Oct 2019, 5:16 pm

Sorry you feel like that Chris. I often find myself in a similar situation. Yes, I can be seen online and offline as someone talkative (Or I go dead quiet and say nothing at all), but to connect and come across as interesting I find it very difficult to do.... Unless I am talking about my special interest.... But I cn easily lose people in detail.... Or I go cagey and don't share incase they take the mick out of me.

About a decde ago I reached a point where I stopped careing what people thought about me in real life. However, it still hurts when I try to connect with people and it does not seem to work as I expected.
Yes, true... I have lots of friends. However, these are lose friends which I know because my Mum can connect with them. If I was living on my own, I would connect with one or two odd bod people (And one or two occasional others who know the ones I connect with) and that would be it... And we would probably keep ourselves amused by ending up a bit like the Last Of The Summer Wine main characters who get up to things!

But generally connecting with "Ordinary" people is almost impossible in that yes... I can talk to them and we could get along, but I never feel close enough to call in and say hello. I would likely be on their doorstep chatting rather then being invited in, which is rare for my area in Wales. Ok, elderly people would invite me in. But my own age group or younger... Uhmmm.

So I assume this is because I am percieved as being odd or different. I am different, and I am not ashamed to say it.

Something I will say here. Those of us who are different can end up as heros, so don't stop being you!


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Joe90
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11 Oct 2019, 6:53 pm

I find you interesting, I always read your posts because often they are so relatable, and if I wasn't in a relationship already I would be asking you on a date and getting to know you through Facebook. You sound like you're a very high-functioning Aspie like me with lots of self-awareness and social interaction is important to you, like it is to me too.

I have the same problem on Facebook; I post interesting sort of stuff that I see others posting, but I only get a few likes or comments mostly from family members (which is nice) and one or two friends. There's this guy I have on Facebook who is rather eccentric and he posts everything on his mind all the time, and even posts pointless pictures like of his full tummy after a big meal (not much of a turn-on for anyone), and he always gets likes and comments all the time. But me, I share funny videos or pictures (not every day) from a humourous page I follow, and I know that that's what most people do on Facebook these days, or I sometimes post pictures of my pets or where I'm traveling to or what movie I'm watching, again I don't overpost and I do like and comment on other people's posts, but I still don't get as many likes or comments as this guy gets.


I hate having AS too. It's like life doesn't make sense when you have these disabilities.


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lvpin
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13 Oct 2019, 11:14 am

It could just be that you have found the wrong people as well. Many things I find interesting others find boring and vice versa. For example, I would happily babble on about my pet cat all day if I could but others would find that boring and so I must not unfortunately. However, if I meet a fellow person with a love for animals, that would be seen as very interesting. My point is, you could just accidentally be barking up all the wrong trees. I find what a lot of NT's talk about very boring but that doesn't make them boring people, they just bore me. My point is that you may just not be most people's cup of tea and that's ok.

I wouldn't say people find me boring but I can put them off because what I like to talk about ranges from surreal to incredibly dark and disturbing. This means that if anyone wants to interact with the person behind the mask, they will probably not like the content and will withdraw. I found when I put more effort into masking people also found me boring because I was way too neutral, listening to everything they said and agreeing with most of it, never offering anything interesting. People thought I was ok and when I left my school early, no one noticed until almost two years passed. Perhaps your wanting to be liked may be getting in the way of that happening?

If it is possible and not too much of a burden you could try to find spaces with people who may share an interest you have. I don't know if you want advice from someone young like me but I didn't find friends until I looked for them in the right places. My life improved when I began talking to the outcasts.