My mother is scared of me

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People in general are scared of me. I can admit I'm an intimidating sight. I rarely smile and when I do it's not quite right. I don't talk much and keep to myself. It may not seem like it but I do feel things. I don't get it across well, but I do care about my parents and sibling. If I didn't it would hurt like this, right? If I didn't care this wouldn't bother me so much?
It was a few weeks ago I found this out. My mother is scared of me. There was a conversation and at some point I asked why she doesn't talk to me and she told me. She definitely said "of" and not "for". It hit me very hard and it hurt. It still hurts and I've just been thinking about it all the time. She's the last person I would have expected to hear that from. I don't know what I did wrong or why she would feel that way. What did I do to make her scared of me? I've never hurt her. I've never raised a hand against her. I've not been mean to her. I care about her and I'm always making sure she's okay. I can't think of any reason why she would be scared of me. I must have done something though because what else could it be? Maybe is it just because I'm me and there's just something so fundamentally wrong with me that even those closest to me are scared? I don't understand. It's confusing and it hurts. I can't stop thinking about it and asking myself why, but I don't have anybody to talk to about it so I came here.
I've been avoiding her since she told me. It hurts to see her since that's all I can think about when I'm around her. I don't know what to do and I can't figure this out.

I'm sorry to hear that...

Do you ever yell at your mother? Do you throw and/or break things when you get mad? Could it be that you come across as very agressive in some other way?

Do you scare any other people who've known you for a long time? Your father, grandparents, possible siblings? If your mom is the only one you scare, then there's a high possibility that she's the problem, not you. Not as in she's trying to be mean, but that she has some irrational fears, some form of some mental problems perhaps. I'd suggest looking in to this first before trying to find faults in yourself if you can't pinpoint anything rational that could've caused the fear.

Um. Well I don't know how much help this may be, if any, but it has just occurred to me in one way there is a positive here, in that your mother was at least finally honest about an effect you can sometimes have on her: that could indicate she actually loves you enough to want to be totally straight and open with you, in which case maybe there could yet be room for the two of you to sit down and have a straight and open talk about it and maybe identify some ways of ameliorating it. Maybe?

I can think of friends and relations who genuinely care about me but are, at the very least, sometimes visibly wary of me. I have some issues in the being-unintentionally-intimidating department myself.

So would it be reasonable to suppose your mother does love you, and would actually like to be able to arrive at a better working relationship with you?

By now she must have realized or noticed how deeply she's hurt you. Sheer guilt on her part could be making you all the more intimidating, for her, just now. If you see what I mean.

There again, it is often when I'm upset that people seem all the more unwilling to approach me—not physically, as such, but verbally, or personally, or emotionally. Which is a bit of a shame, because obviously that's when I could really do with being approached!

If the two of you could sit down and talk, and remain calm (easier said than done), maybe if she loves you and you care about her you could yet get past this?

Apologies if this sounds unrealistically optimistic. Only a thought.

What kind of scared did she mean? Scared of physical harm? Or scared of having her feelings hurt by you being blunt?
Given that she said she was scared in the context of why she doesn't talk to you and given that she should know you well enough to know you're not violent but blunt, it sounds more like it's the later (or else an irrational fear of hers). Maybe she's just more emotionally vulnerable than your father or other relatives.

I second what Raphael suggests. If at all possible talk to her about it. If it is unclear to you ask her why she is scared and what she is scared might happen. She's the only one who can tell you exactly what she meant and why she said it.
Since it's been a few weeks you might need to tell her that you're referring to that conversation from back then and what exactly she said, if she can't remember her exact wording.

Is there any chance your mom might be aspie?

My thought: she's scared b/c your way is unfamiliar to her and she doesn't know what to do.

I am ASD-like (assessment in progress) and my daughter is ASD-like (intake forms printed but not filled out yet).

I am sometimes "scared" of my daughter b/c I am a highly expressive Aspie and she is a highly unexpressive Aspie. I don't "get her" and don't want to offend her and am not sure what "works" for her. The key is to ask and I am just figuring this out. Yesterday I said to her, "It seems like you are uncomfortable with me". She replied "Yes, I am." Then rather than shrinking away I asked, "Is that just with me or with everyone." And she replied "With everyone." Now, the next step would be to address the situation --- "yes, I understand..." but I'm not there yet myself (so sensitive). All in good time I hope.

My Aspie-like BFF is flat affect and that "scares" me also. In the beginning of our relationship I asked her all the time "are you angry at me?" and she would say "no". And I would ask "why do you look like that?" and she would say "I'm just thinking about..." Now 25 yrs later, we have both grown - she probably has schooled herself in "softer" expressions during conversation at least, and I take things less personally with her at least.