How do you demonstrate that you care?

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kmarie57
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14 Oct 2019, 7:09 pm

I am conflicted because one of the biggest stereotypes about autism is that they are not caring of others...but this is one of my best qualities.

I care a LOT about other people, especially those close to me, and I love to show it. I am really good at showing it. And my friends have often commented on how caring I am and how I show so much more love than other people.
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A few examples of ways I have demonstrated that I care:

When my friends dog died, I made him pancake cake (he was the one that usually made it and gave it to me...so I learned the recipe and made it for him).

I go above and beyond when it comes to supporting my friends and letting them know how much I love them or believe in them.

When my favorite teacher was having a rough week, I put together an "appreciation week" for her and each day had something different. One day was gift cards, another day was a handwritten letter talking about how great I think she is, one day was sticky notes posted all over her car with fun sayings on them, another was a huge card that had a matrix that needed to be decoded for a secret message.

When one of my students died, I wrote his mom a 4 page letter detailing how much I enjoyed having her son in my class.

I have always been overly appreciative of teachers and would often write them notes telling them how much I appreciate them.
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Most of my friends are people that are hurting in some way...maybe depressed or anxious or perhaps with an eating disorder. I am just naturally drawn to people like that and I like talking to them and trying to help them understand themselves or feel less hurt. I love making people feel loved and appreciated and cared about. I have definitely always felt like I cared way more than most people do.

So how do you guys demonstrate that you care? I guess this is kind of unusual for somebody with autism but I don't really know?



kraftiekortie
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14 Oct 2019, 11:43 pm

I seek to listen to what people say. That is not always easy for me.



renaeden
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14 Oct 2019, 11:49 pm

I ask questions about how they are and when they answer about a certain topic, I ask about that.



Edna3362
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14 Oct 2019, 11:52 pm

Taking responsibilities... And yet...

It doesn't show, whether the intention is there or not -- or that I did or did not act on intent.

And just because I have the intent and intention to take responsibility, that doesn't always mean I'm capable of fulfilling it or doing it right whether acting on it or not.
Nor that knowing which said responsibilities is actually mine to 'claim' or 'disclaim' either.


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aquafelix
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15 Oct 2019, 3:33 am

I try and find out what interests them and let them talk about it, even if it bores me sometimes



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15 Oct 2019, 1:07 pm

Hi
kmarie57

When I was diagnosed ten years or so ago, I just couldn't understand how I could be empathicly challenged. It took me many years to understand that I wasn't. I show empathy like I show all my feelings, rather unusually and in a rather idiosyncratic way.

If I do not wish to show my unusual-ness with respect to empathy, I can be very sill and listen deeply and non judgmentally. Being a Quaker, and recognising this skill I trained for the ministry of spiritual direction. Being listened
to with love changed my life and I aspire to offer this ministry as best I can under the circumstances.



blazingstar
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15 Oct 2019, 7:59 pm

I would also say to just be there for someone, to listen without judging. I used to think of it as holding the world together, briefly, so the other person can regroup.

Quaker....you are the first other Quaker I have seen posting here. Hope to see more from you.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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15 Oct 2019, 8:51 pm

"actions speak louder than words"

Seriously though

Some precious lil "people" have had the nerve to tell me that "you didn't seem to care" :roll: .

Entitled lil dipshit extroverts

You have to act as manic as them, otherwise they treat you like public enemy number one



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16 Oct 2019, 10:44 am

Don't disrespect other peoples property, that means treat their stuff with care and don't ruin it and don't abuse their furniture and their items you use, do not leave garbage around in their house, always take off your shoes if they are wet or muddy, always hang up your wet towel, always keep your clothes picked up.


Don't call people names, don't put them down, don't abuse them just because you think they are dumb.

Don't push and shove people, don't cut in lines.

Don't give out unsolicited advice.

Ask questions about what they would like you to do if you are not sure how to act in a situation.

Do people favors if they ask you to do something, do not take this as a question.



Sadly people will never see this because all this stuff means nothing to them to indicate you care. :roll:


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17 Oct 2019, 12:30 am

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smudge
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17 Oct 2019, 2:28 am

By giving people advice, because I want to help them get out of their difficult situations.

As for really how, I think you're doing great. Most people hate advice.



shortfatbalduglyman
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17 Oct 2019, 9:23 am

See what favors they want you to do


:nerdy:


Plenty of lil dipshits have the nerve to tell me that "we care about you". But they:

Say "what" and "huh" instead of "excuse me"

Constantly judgmental "cool" and "sucks", like they want you to say "thank you" for the compliment or sympathy , but positive judgments are just as judgmental as negative ones


"Refused to call you by your 'boys name' "



Undermine your efforts (pressure you to eat)

Wrongful accusation

Correctly accuse and blow it grossly out of proportion



Condescending compliments about your intelligence, appearance, emotion


They know you are afraid of dogs but they purposely go out of their own way to, dogsit , even though they invited you over before they agreed to dogsit



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17 Oct 2019, 9:36 am

kmarie57 wrote:
How do you demonstrate that you care?
I play the role of the "Dutch Uncle" -- issuing fact-based advice and placing responsibility for solving one's problems solely on the person who has the problems.


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