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Magna
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15 Oct 2019, 9:10 pm

I was thinking today about how autistics interact with the world from intellect (many things I've read and seen have stated this as fact and I agree with it). Case in point is social interaction. I have always had to act and react to other people on an intellectual basis rather than an intuitive basis. I have to consciously think about, coordinate and orchestrate my actions and my communication toward others whereas NTs don't devote mental energy to the same things because they've learned, for example, to communicate non-verbally to the point of being 'second nature'.

Here's an analogy that I'll use in explaining the difference to NTs:

Imagine taking a final exam in high school or college. When you're finished, even if you've studied a lot, you have no idea how you did because you think you probably got a good number of the questions wrong. Even though you're probably not completely drained for 'brain fried' after the one our exam, you're still mentally drained to a degree.

Now, think about taking a final exam that lasted all day. How would you feel when it was done? Totally spent? Brain fried? Would you need a day to recover? A big reason you'd feel so drained is because you had to use your intellect very acutely without a break the entire time to get through the exam and try to do your best.

That's what autism is like for me when I'm out in the world, at work, interacting with others, etc. It's like taking an exam that lasts all day. Maybe NTs would have a better understanding of my experience if I explained it that way.



GoldenMom
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16 Oct 2019, 4:57 am

Oh my goodness! Perfect analogy!

When I’m talking to people it’s always like I’m considering a multiple choice test question. They are talking, and I’m thinking: is what they are saying an emotional thing? Let’s respond in a proper way. What is the appropriate response? Did I say enough? Too much? Did they notice I’m not looking them in the eye? Shoot, I missed the last 2 sentences of what they said. Let’s nod a bit and say “m-hum”...


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HighLlama
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16 Oct 2019, 5:04 am

Magna wrote:
Maybe NTs would have a better understanding of my experience if I explained it that way.


They'd probably say, "Talking to people is tough for me, too." :P But I do like your analogy.



Magna
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16 Oct 2019, 6:31 am

GoldenMom wrote:
Oh my goodness! Perfect analogy!

When I’m talking to people it’s always like I’m considering a multiple choice test question. They are talking, and I’m thinking: is what they are saying an emotional thing? Let’s respond in a proper way. What is the appropriate response? Did I say enough? Too much? Did they notice I’m not looking them in the eye? Shoot, I missed the last 2 sentences of what they said. Let’s nod a bit and say “m-hum”...


You have to interact with people with intellect then. Funny, about a year ago I posted something very similar to what you describe about my inner dialogue I have when I interact with others outside of my closest family. My inner voice that tells me to make eye contact, look away, itch my face as a natural gesture, pretend to look upward in thought when I just want to avert my gaze, time to smile, but not too much, etc

You're not alone!



Mona Pereth
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16 Oct 2019, 10:51 am

Yep, social interaction is very much an intellectual endeavor for me too -- but of a different kind than what most others have described here.

I've made it a priority to arrange my life to minimize pressures to be "normal." (For example, I live in a highly multi-cultural neighborhood, and I work mostly at home.) So, most of the time, I don't even try to appear "normal" in terms of eye contact, body language, etc.

This frees me up to focus on the actual verbal content of what is being said.


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lvpin
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16 Oct 2019, 7:34 pm

It's a very good analogy and it may be also helpful to add they've forgotten to bring a useful piece of equipment, such as a calculator yet have to continue. I'm linking this to masking which on one hand can put people at ease but on the other makes you more stressed as you cannot stim etc.