My co-workers refuse to let me carpool with them

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Summer_Twilight
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01 Nov 2019, 8:59 am

Hi:
I have worked at my university for 5 years at an organization that preaches about inclusion and acceptance of people with disabilities which includes people with autism. When it comes to interacting with me, I do things that bother them in which I happen to talk a lot to the point that I dominate the conversation or "Talk too much."

When I travel out of town for work, I don't drive and often have to rely on other forms of transportation. Because I talk too much, no one wants to drive me. They have lectured me about my talking on the road and tell me that if I have to ride with them to take along some headphones and listen to my cell phone. Otherwise, I have to either arrange my own transportation or the center where I work arranges specialized transit if other people with disabilities are riding.
Eventually, I would like to get my own license and drive myself with the new technology coming out and I like providing my own way anyway.

Still, I am very sad and hurt that they are doing this to me but I do know it means learning to be considerate of other people too. At the same time, I don't want to be a doormat trying to please everyone.

What is your suggestion?



Mountain Goat
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01 Nov 2019, 9:45 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Hi:
I have worked at my university for 5 years at an organization that preaches about inclusion and acceptance of people with disabilities which includes people with autism. When it comes to interacting with me, I do things that bother them in which I happen to talk a lot to the point that I dominate the conversation or "Talk too much."

When I travel out of town for work, I don't drive and often have to rely on other forms of transportation. Because I talk too much, no one wants to drive me. They have lectured me about my talking on the road and tell me that if I have to ride with them to take along some headphones and listen to my cell phone. Otherwise, I have to either arrange my own transportation or the center where I work arranges specialized transit if other people with disabilities are riding.
Eventually, I would like to get my own license and drive myself with the new technology coming out and I like providing my own way anyway.

Still, I am very sad and hurt that they are doing this to me but I do know it means learning to be considerate of other people too. At the same time, I don't want to be a doormat trying to please everyone.

What is your suggestion?


Not easy. People say things but they don't realize it hurts. I mean...

I used to be very very quiet ad shy.

Then when I was about 17 to 18, I went to a shop where an elderly lady who owned the shop started shouting at me as she wanted me to shout and have boldness. So each time I would go there she had me practice boldness.
Then through each employment I had after that, I was in positions where I had to speak up. I had to learn to talk rather then keep quiet.
From then on I started talking and talking and talking and everyone said I talk too much! (Oh. I could talk from an early age but I was very shy and chose not to talk). And because I never used to talk much, when people comment about me not shutting up, it hurts because they don't know how much effort it took me to talk like this.

The ideal solution is your own car. :) How about a moped? A bicycle?


_________________
Awaiting asessment. Neurodiverse 173/200. Neurotypical 21/200.
Empathy 11/80. AQ 39. May make sense to some. :)


kraftiekortie
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01 Nov 2019, 9:57 am

Getting the license would be good for you.



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01 Nov 2019, 10:45 am

The battle of the Aux Cable is now joined by the Battle of Who Gets to Talk.

I don't want to sound heartless, but your coworkers may have short patience or a dislike for hearing talking. it may break their concentration driving--honestly, when I drive, I tell my passengers to hold it down (music is out of the question as my car only has an old-time cassette tape player and no phone inputs.)

Then again, that's very rude of them to reject someone like that. But I don't think saving your words for later is being a doormat...it's just respecting them while you're in their car.

But...

You sound like you have a lot to say. Could you try to write instead while you're on the road? With your interest in new cars it sounds as if you are fond of modern technology. Finding a simple tablet with the accessory keyboard would work, or perhaps a used word-processor like the Alphasmart Neo or the Freewrite (both of which are nice. The Freewrite uses an e-ink screen that is as pleasant to the eyes as the Kindle Readers.) I've a very small typewriter (the size of a cigar-box) that I used while riding as passenger in a car, but I wouldn't recommend that. Computers are nice, but get something with good battery life.

I'd recommend you a pen and paper, but not in the car--hitting a bump could spoil your manuscript.

Maybe that would let you exercise your communicative powers, keep your co-workers happy, and maybe even let you write some great drafts! There's always a need out there for well written pieces.

Headphones is a good thing.



kraftiekortie
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01 Nov 2019, 10:51 am

I'm sorry those folks talk condescendingly to you like that.

That's why I said it would be good if you get your license.

I had to endure the condescending attitudes; I know how you feel---trust me!



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01 Nov 2019, 12:09 pm

Since you admit to a bit of over-talking, maybe you should improve yourself on that.

Meanwhile, try to find people who share your interests. Those people are asking you to talk less probably because they don't like your stuff.

If you feel like having a driver's license, please do. Myself, I don't drive. I never did and I don't care. One day, if necessary though, I'll have my own license because I don't really like to be tied to anyone else's favours.

I totally understand you because once I get started on my own interests I can become talkative and now I know the much of a bore that will sound to others.



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01 Nov 2019, 3:00 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Hi:
I have worked at my university for 5 years at an organization that preaches about inclusion and acceptance of people with disabilities which includes people with autism. When it comes to interacting with me, I do things that bother them in which I happen to talk a lot to the point that I dominate the conversation or "Talk too much."

When I travel out of town for work, I don't drive and often have to rely on other forms of transportation. Because I talk too much, no one wants to drive me. They have lectured me about my talking on the road and tell me that if I have to ride with them to take along some headphones and listen to my cell phone. Otherwise, I have to either arrange my own transportation or the center where I work arranges specialized transit if other people with disabilities are riding.
Eventually, I would like to get my own license and drive myself with the new technology coming out and I like providing my own way anyway.

Still, I am very sad and hurt that they are doing this to me but I do know it means learning to be considerate of other people too. At the same time, I don't want to be a doormat trying to please everyone.

What is your suggestion?



Well it does not sound like they are refusing to let you carpool with them because you have autism, seems its because they feel all your talking is distracting when they are driving. Even sounds like they tried to ask you not to talk to them so much when they are driving you and you refused...so the way they see it is they don't have to give someone rides that won't respect the rules in their vehicle.

I mean it is nice for people to let you carpool with them, they aren't obligated to especially if you can't respect the driver asking you to not to go on monologues when they're behind the wheel.

I mean what if you had your own car and someone you were giving a ride to was doing something that distracts you and they refuse to stop would you keep giving that person rides?

I mean if they just flat out refused due to your autism that would be hypocritical, but that does not seem to be the case here.



shortfatbalduglyman
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01 Nov 2019, 5:08 pm

It's either "shut up" or "why are you so quiet?"

:roll:

They are so full of themselves that they reserve the "right" to veto anything you allegedly did, just because they don't like it



Having said that, their suggestion is good, just arrogant



Summer_Twilight
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04 Nov 2019, 8:27 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
Hi:
I have worked at my university for 5 years at an organization that preaches about inclusion and acceptance of people with disabilities which includes people with autism. When it comes to interacting with me, I do things that bother them in which I happen to talk a lot to the point that I dominate the conversation or "Talk too much."

When I travel out of town for work, I don't drive and often have to rely on other forms of transportation. Because I talk too much, no one wants to drive me. They have lectured me about my talking on the road and tell me that if I have to ride with them to take along some headphones and listen to my cell phone. Otherwise, I have to either arrange my own transportation or the center where I work arranges specialized transit if other people with disabilities are riding.
Eventually, I would like to get my own license and drive myself with the new technology coming out and I like providing my own way anyway.

Still, I am very sad and hurt that they are doing this to me but I do know it means learning to be considerate of other people too. At the same time, I don't want to be a doormat trying to please everyone.

What is your suggestion?



Well it does not sound like they are refusing to let you carpool with them because you have autism, seems its because they feel all your talking is distracting when they are driving. Even sounds like they tried to ask you not to talk to them so much when they are driving you and you refused...so the way they see it is they don't have to give someone rides that won't respect the rules in their vehicle.

I mean it is nice for people to let you carpool with them, they aren't obligated to especially if you can't respect the driver asking you not to go on monologues when they're behind the wheel.

I mean what if you had your own car and someone you were giving a ride to was doing something that distracts you and they refuse to stop would you keep giving that person rides?

I mean if they just flat out refused due to your autism that would be hypocritical, but that does not seem to be the case here.


Actually, I have pretty much followed the agreement to listen to headphones and sometimes stuff they have on the radio. The real issue is that a fair number of them don't want me in their car. As the autism part, we have two people here who have different disabilities and they have got to ride with a co-worker. Meanwhile, my supervisor hired a driving company that takes people with disabilities to different things. However, I learned yesterday through my driver, who took me to the said event that her research assistant, who has a vision impairment was not going to carpool with them either. So I don't know.

However, the organization that I work for seems to talk about promoting inclusion and acceptance for people with disabilities, yet I don't always feel so accepted because I think differently and something do things that are off putting



domineekee
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04 Nov 2019, 10:23 am

I don't know how fair it is of them to ask you to do this, but I would take the lift, wear the headphones and spend the time listening to relaxing music and do some relaxing breathing. I'm always more self contained after meditating, (not that I've done any for years) I witter less and am generally less random with others. I'd think that they would eventually relent and maybe reflect on the way that they've treated you.



jimmy m
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04 Nov 2019, 11:17 am

I carpooled for a few years in order to save gasoline. Carpooling from my perspective is when a group of people share turns at driving. Since you don't drive, I would really not consider that to be true carpooling. But maybe I am just a purest. Being in a carpool one has to share inconveniences. Some may be deal breakers. If someone insist on smoking in the car, that would be a deal breaker to me and I would not join that car pool. One of the unofficial rules to the carpool is that whoever is driving picks the music on the radio. It is almost a given. So to be in a carpool one must accommodate others.

In your case you indicated that the other members thought you talked too much. They made suggestions, such as wearing headsets "tell me that if I have to ride with them to take along some headphones and listen to my cell phone". And Summer_Twilight you followed through with their suggestions. "Actually, I have pretty much followed the agreement to listen to headphones and sometimes stuff they have on the radio." You made accommodations which was the proper approach.

In a sense, I do not feel they are trying to exclude you from their carpool because you are autistic or disabled, but rather they dislike some of your quirks. You are not a doormat trying to please everyone but on the other hand you do need to make accommodations. There may be many reasons why your potential car mates may not like you. It might be that you have body odor. That you discuss hot button issues like politics or religion. If you were a driver in a carpool, it might be how safely you drive. It might be the music. It might be how long they have to wait for you. Most people in a carpool are more concern about getting from point A to point B in a safe and expeditious manner. Most of the time when I was in a carpool and not driving, I might try and get an extra 30 minutes of sleep in, so that I could be refreshed when I got to my final destination.



FletcherArrow
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09 Nov 2019, 11:01 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Hi:
I have worked at my university for 5 years at an organization that preaches about inclusion and acceptance of people with disabilities which includes people with autism. When it comes to interacting with me, I do things that bother them in which I happen to talk a lot to the point that I dominate the conversation or "Talk too much."

When I travel out of town for work, I don't drive and often have to rely on other forms of transportation. Because I talk too much, no one wants to drive me. They have lectured me about my talking on the road and tell me that if I have to ride with them to take along some headphones and listen to my cell phone. Otherwise, I have to either arrange my own transportation or the center where I work arranges specialized transit if other people with disabilities are riding.
Eventually, I would like to get my own license and drive myself with the new technology coming out and I like providing my own way anyway.

Still, I am very sad and hurt that they are doing this to me but I do know it means learning to be considerate of other people too. At the same time, I don't want to be a doormat trying to please everyone.

What is your suggestion?


Why not learn some social skills and begin to develop a sense of when to stop talking and not just go on and on like so many of us tend to do?