Is it a requirement to go to a night club at weekends ?

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chris1989
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03 Nov 2019, 12:06 pm

I am getting that jealous feeling kicking in my head again this weekend because I heard of people going out to late halloween parties, and stuff and I'm not as I am just having another night indoors after work. I seem to think it is a requirement to go to a club or bar on a saturday night and feel like I have wasted my late teens and twenties by not doing that stuff because other people with or without Aspergers are doing it and at the same time I won't go to these places because they can be crowded, noisy, have flashing lights everywhere, the music is not what I want to listen to, so I don't understand why if I don't like these things why I am complaining. I don't know if I just struggle to acknowledge the fact that I just don't like and tell myself its not for me and think internally that I am a loser because I am missing out on it for not doing these things. Also I have less friends who do these things as well and don't hang out with them and so if I do go to these places I'd be on my own and I just think its pointless doing it on your own which is why I don't bother and it would make me feel awkward and think that other people are looking at me think 'he is weird'.



Cheeks
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03 Nov 2019, 12:12 pm

When I was younger and had regular contact with people via school I also felt that feeling of "everyone else is doing it and I'm missing out because of how weird I am". I think the reason why it bugged me so much was because it used to make me angry at myself for being so unusual. I used to think "if only I could just go out with these people after school just so I'm 'part of it' and then it'll make life easier at school because I won't be so excluded" but I just couldn't push myself enough to do any kind of social events. Eventually, luckily, school finished and I didn't have to deal with any of it.

I don't really know if there's anything I can say to help you and your situation, but I think that it probably only bothers you because you have to be exposed to people talking about this stuff at work all the time. I can safely say that none of it bothers me anymore.



AlanMooresBeard
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03 Nov 2019, 12:56 pm

I never felt the need to go out clubbing on a Saturday night when I was in my late teens and twenties. It just never appealed to me and it still doesn’t. I much preferred going to gigs to see bands that I already like and that’s something that I still enjoy doing. I certainly don’t feel that I missed out because I didn’t hangout at nightclubs every weekend. Try not to beat yourself up over it. It’s really not a big deal.



harry12345
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03 Nov 2019, 1:12 pm

No it isn't.

There are a million and one things to do that are better, more interesting, more fullfilling, etc, etc, than that.



Borromeo
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03 Nov 2019, 1:28 pm

Not a requirement. I'm sorry you feel left out, but IMHO they're not leaving you out of much!



magz
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03 Nov 2019, 1:37 pm

Not a requirement - though some party regulars may not get it sometimes...
Image
source: https://xkcd.com/238/

But you're not alone skipping that option.


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Rainbow_Belle
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03 Nov 2019, 7:47 pm

Night clubs are designed for out going, extroverted NTs. They are not a good place for quiet introverts with Aspergers. I do not go to night clubs because I have Aspergers. I rather read a book or watch TV instead. The environment of a night club: loud noise, bright lights and too many people is a terrible environment for a person with Aspergers.



FallingDownMan
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03 Nov 2019, 10:14 pm

I used to hit the bar scenes every weekend with a rare visit to a club. The only thing I ever got from the bar scenes and the clubs was 3 OWI's and tons of hangovers. (This was before the days of UBER) Clubbing was something i always did with a group of friends. Could never meet new people at the clubs between the loud music, the long lines for the beer, and already with a group of friends. At a bar by myself, I always started at the pool table or pinball machine until I had enough beer in me to converse with strangers.


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CockneyRebel
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03 Nov 2019, 11:59 pm

It's not a requirement and I'm glad that it's not. I'd rather be with my family or at home working on my hobbies.


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Dial1194
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04 Nov 2019, 3:09 am

The only times I've ever gone to a club have been because I was curious as to what the attraction of clubs was supposed to be. Each time, I left without an answer to that question. There was just... nothing there for me. At all.

I'd rather beat myself in the head with a chunk of wood than go to a club. It'd be cheaper, waste less time, and the headache wouldn't be as bad.



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04 Nov 2019, 3:22 am

No it's not. If you want to go, go. If you don't like it, leave. If you don't want to go in the first place, don't. Besides, clubbing every weekend would definitely be expensive, too.



The Grand Inquisitor
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04 Nov 2019, 3:44 am

So you're jealous of people who go to bars and night clubs but you acknowledge that you don't want to go to bars and night clubs...

It seems that what you're really jealous of is people with vibrant social lives, in which case, your best move is to join some interest groups where you can meet people with similar interests and temperaments, and socialise there.



Joe90
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04 Nov 2019, 5:57 am

I know how the OP feels. He's not the clubbing type of person but at the same time feels socially isolated and guilty about it. It's difficult to explain.


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04 Nov 2019, 6:32 am

FOMO (fear of missing out) is a thing most people experience in some way. It's normal to feel left out when it feels like 'everyone' is doing a certain thing-even if you have actually no desire to do and wouldn't enjoy that thing. This is especially the case when people like to talk about their shared experiences a lot, it can make you feel rather excluded.

Though it's not always an easy thing to do, I advocate for just trying not to compare yourself and your life to other people's. You do you. It's more important you're doing things that make you happy and find things you do enjoy connecting with people over (if you so desire); why should it matter if those aren't the same thing that seem to make other people happy?

I'm sure many other people think my life is boring (in fact I overheard some fellow students a short while ago going on about how 'sad' it was to go home and not do anything etc etc...they were basically describing my life :roll: ) but I very much enjoy my life (I love my quiet evenings in knitting and you couldn't pay me to swap it for a night out clubbing, and it's my life so my opinion is the only one that truly counts) and that's all that matters.

Regarding nightclubs...I've been a couple of times with other people, the hanging out with other people aspect has sometimes been nice but it never takes long before I wish I was somewhere else. I once walked in, went to the loo and lost everyone I was with, so just walked home again!



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04 Nov 2019, 7:09 am

Quote:
FOMO (fear of missing out) is a thing most people experience in some way. It's normal to feel left out when it feels like 'everyone' is doing a certain thing-even if you have actually no desire to do and wouldn't enjoy that thing. This is especially the case when people like to talk about their shared experiences a lot, it can make you feel rather excluded.


That's exactly what I meant in my previous post. And where I come from, drinking seems to be the norm among the 17-35 age group, give or take. And the OP comes from the same country as me so he's probably surrounded by people who find getting drunk on weekends fantastic and talk about it a lot. It's like it's thrown in your face a lot and you feel reminded of what you're missing out on.
I like to read those relatably humourous British meme pages on Facebook, but most of them are about getting drunk with your friends, and there's about 5 thousand comments from all different Facebook users, all relating well to it. But I have to swipe past those because I scoff at it. And I suppose that makes me look stuck-up, even though I'm not a stuck-up person.


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