Aspergers and Depression and coping with grief and trauma

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TheAntevasin
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05 Nov 2019, 11:10 am

Hi all, I recently joined here, I am from the UK, although not lived or worked there for 14 years. I just landed in Spain some months ago with 5 rescue pets from Ecuador. I worked in South America on projects to help conserve the Amazon. My Ecuadorian husband was kidnapped and brutally tortured 3 times, and then he took his own life 8 months later, he was an Aspie too.

I had to leave friends, and a life behind in Ecuador, I had a close network of supportive friends but it was dangerous for me there after these traumatic events.

I am currently in Spain, I work from home teaching online at the moment, but I have to rely on a good internet connection and electricity and internet in a rural area is not doing me well. So I am looking at moving out of here. I am confused as to what to do and whether to go back to the UK, I don´t fair well there in winters as I have asthma and get chronically sick with winter coughs that I cannot shrug. Its also hard to live there as its expensive. However since I discovered Aspergers is on my father´s side of the family, which he denies, my cousins have it and their children have Aspergers and Autism, I want to spend time with them to help and get to know them better.

I also used to be so focused in the past with my environmental work and now I feel lost and unfocused and have no sense of self anymore. I cannot write like I used to, struggling to complete several book projects, I wrote a book in 2015, I also used to paint and I cannot do that anymore, I cannot seem to focus as well anymore after my partner died. I know the trauma has affected my brain and I seem to be worse now with the Aspergers, I feel more debilitated than ever.

I read that Aspergers people are 9 times more likely to commit suicide than neurotypical people in a journal article. This helps me understand a bit more why my husband could not cope after the heavy trauma he experienced, but it doesn´t help my own suicidal thoughts, I miss him and feel I have no purpose anymore. Before I met my husband I was very independent and able to focus on my environmental projects. Since having to leave South America, I am out of place, I find the EU more materialistic, western people are more self centered and there is a lack of community here, so I am more isolated here and removed from close friends back in South America, I am also 44 and perhaps this is also why I am feeling like I am lost and in a midlife crisis.

I do have a therapist for this mind state, but I need some therapy for the trauma and I want to connect and hear how Aspergers people cope with depression and trauma like mine. I also read that Aspergers people have difficulties with maintaining a core sense of self-identity. We are therefore more prone to fall apart and plunge into deep depression and lack purpose when experiencing difficulties.

Any thoughts on therapies and advice would be welcome and deeply appreciated. Thank you

Thank you


_________________
The Antevasin was an in-betweener. He was a border-dweller. He lived in sight of both worlds, but he looked toward the unknown. And he was a scholar.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
-----------------------------------------
Neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 172 of 200
Neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 45 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


domineekee
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05 Nov 2019, 2:07 pm

That all sounds very difficult. I've tried to deal with PTSD by not taking on any new commitments and living in a quiet place. I read some books by J.Krishnamurti which seemed to calm me down without fail after a page or two, so reading could be helpful, if you find material that works for you.



Juliette
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07 Nov 2019, 3:03 pm

Hi .... dear Antevasin ... hope you manage to find a good trauma therapist. My heart aches for what you have and are, enduring. Sincerely.

It's important to recognize that with torture, PTSD, and C-PTSD, the pain is inside. The goal isn’t to bring it out, but to help sufferers find a way of living with it.

And once inside, the pain and its memories take up residence, so that we end up torturing ourselves. What’s gets inside stays inside.

An important difference is that with the pain of torture the most intense pain is during torture, at least in most cases. With PTSD the most intense pain is afterwards. But in both cases the pain remains in the body-mind for years. Therapy helps, but as the sheer physicality of torture reveals, therapy works best that does not assume that the goal is to put narrative to pain. The therapy that works best is the one that takes the body-mind seriously, soothing the body until it is no longer hyper-reactive (as true with trauma as torture). Only then can the story-telling begin.

Torture is an explicit betrayal of the pact we share as fellow human beings, shattering our connections to others and so to the world. Torture will never make sense and all narratives around the event become incoherent.

On Grieving ... "If someone is traumatized by the memory of or the manner in which someone died, we need to help them by detraumatizing those memories so they can feel free to grieve properly." Mark Tyrell



B19
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07 Nov 2019, 5:04 pm

Welcome to WP.

I kept thinking of burnout as I read your opening post.

This previous Haven thread: viewtopic.php?t=364157

has a link in the opening post that may be of value in ascertaining whether this is part of what you are experiencing.

My sincere condolences for the loss of your husband and the painful experiences of the past.



jimmy m
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07 Nov 2019, 6:45 pm

Aspies experience significantly more stress that the average NT. It might almost be our middle name. When stress builds up within out bodies it is stored. Unless it is vented, it can transform into various forms of distress including depression and PTSD.

I will recommend two books that may provide you excellent guidance on understanding the condition and helping you to cope with it and vent the stress effectively.

These books are:
In an Unspoken Voice by Peter A. Levine
The Revolutionary Trauma Release Process by David Berceli

The following are a list of signs for trauma:
* Deer in the headlight frozen expression
* Paleness and racing heartbeat
* Terrified speechless
* Disruptive behavior
* Anger, irritability, mood swings, edginess
* Hyperactive
* Poor concentration
* Demonstrating poor impulse control
* Lethargic, lack of energy
* Depressed
* Shock, denial, or disbelief
* Confusion, feeling out of control
* Anxiety and fear
* Night terrors
* Guilt, shame and self-blame
* Withdrawing from others
* Feeling sad and hopeless
* Feeling disconnected or numb, spacey
* Hyper-focus on mortality or death
* Loss of appetite or overeating
* Obsessive-compulsive behavior
* Avoidance behavior



TheAntevasin
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Joined: 28 Oct 2019
Age: 44
Posts: 22
Location: Spain

08 Nov 2019, 10:39 am

Thanks so much everyone for your very insightful advice and recommendations :heart:


_________________
The Antevasin was an in-betweener. He was a border-dweller. He lived in sight of both worlds, but he looked toward the unknown. And he was a scholar.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
-----------------------------------------
Neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 172 of 200
Neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 45 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)