Cheating to survive

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I mean school cheating.
It was very common in my times, many teachers obviously turned their blind eyes on it.
Yeah, it's probably morally wrong. But...

My daughter's teacher changed. The previous one was relatively young and very considerate. She had some problems with my Aspie daughter that she slowly solved.
Then the lady came this year without any warning. Old, manipulative hag. M is scared of her and I can't blame her. Really, I try to talk to the teacher and she consistently ignores any advice to treat M a bit differently - even on such a small issue as that I allow my children to wear light if they don't feel cold.
No, she knows better, in her world a child can't be trusted with their own internal comfort sensors. Argh

I show her the diagnosis. She still tries to manipulate me into doing all the schoolwork at home. I don't have so much energy but even if I had, M doesn't have so much energy! It's her fault that M refuses to work during her classes and she can't do anything about it because she's consistently ignoring all my advice about what motivates M and what disrupts her!
But she's old and experienced so she knows better. Argh

Now the cheating part. M is freaking out from stress, unable to do anything but hide and meow. Still waiting for another level of official recognition of her diagnosis. And she got a 68 pages book to read at home by herself. Second grade.
She can read a page at a time, getting drained below functioning level during the process.
f**k. I'm going to read her the thing aloud and tell her not to admit it to the teacher.

I would really prefer it otherwise. Actual support. Recognition of difficulties and working through them, anxiety first because this is the most urgent problem right now. But what I get is forcing a round peg through square hole and only trying different kinds of pressure to proceed.

I would really prefer it otherwise. But if I have to fight for every stupid facet of recognition that M is a living individual, not some material to mold... We have to survive. Not to get insane from constant manipulation and denial.

Maybe she's an old school teacher and she needs to be dealt with traditional ways: cheat and lie your way through the school so you can get out, forget everything and find your ways to survive completely independently from it.

I would really prefer it otherwise. I know other teachers who do honest work and expect honest work from their students - but apparently, not Mrs R

I’m sure every parent has done this at one time or another. I’ve seen them do it, actually.

It’s a b***h of a moral dilemma, yes.

And it’s something I wouldn’t want to do.

But it’s not egregious, in my opinion. Not something worthy of fire and brimstone.

Old school teachers tend to be pains, and tend to be bitter.

I had a few of those myself. They tend to believe in the class as their kingdom, and to frown upon those kids who they believe upset the order of this kingdom.

I used to be one of those kids. I got by because of knowledge picked up on my own. I was the aggravating kid who knew all the answers. And when I got one wrong, I threw a fit.

You should still encourage her to do her own work as much as possible. In preparation for secondary school, eventually.

If M was partially blind or had an obvious reason for her difficulties reading then she would get the support.

I have a problem reading and the words simply fade away when my brain has had enough regardless of the special Irlens lenses in my glasses or the right lighting I have to have.

This was not detected when I was at school, and I was also considered disruptive and a problem child.

That's what I'm trying to do, get her issues diagnosed and recognised.
But in the meantime... her teacher is not willing to try to understand, M's anxiety is skyrocketing any my "spoons" are all the time in debt

I have some Corinthian Spoons for you to sample

I'm starting to understand what triggers me so much about this particular teacher.
It's the "I am right because I'm the teacher, end of discussion" attitude.
I always hated it. I fought the teachers like that when I was a student - and I was gifted enough to often win.
This is why I chose physics over philosophy: in physics, when someone is wrong, there is ultimately possibility of proving them wrong, no matter how high their position would be.

I wasn't gifted---and I still fought that attitude---but I often lost.

That "I'm the teacher, and that's it!" attitude was prevalent when I went to school.

This lady is old enough to could have been your teacher, lol

Maybe this attitude is particularily unfit for teaching neurodiverse students?

It's definitely unfit for anybody.

I do believe teachers have to maintain some sort of "authority" in the classroom--otherwise, it will be anarchy.

But they should also have an open mind and be available for students.

I am naturally "chaotic good" in d&d terms and imposing arbitrary hierarchies was always an itch for me. I usually respected teachers and did my best to cooperate but pointing out mistakes was part of it - and teachers reacted to it very differently.

Can you go to a principal, or someone above Mrs. Old and Crabby? Are there accommodations where you live?

I can now force a stop in most conversations and it sounds like this teacher needs to be stopped. I use a forceful STOP! Listen to me! I'll also use the T "time out" sign to reinforce what I am saying. Then tell her she needs to do x,y, and z with your daughter. Period. End of discussion. Get up and leave.

Sometimes people don't like me when I do that. Sometimes it results in them respecting me more.

You have my deepest respect for everything you do for your family.

Thanks.
We're waiting for another appointment that will enable us to officially demand accommodations at school.
She will certainly get a teacher aide and likely psychological help, probably something more but a teacher aide would hopefully help with the most visible problem, M refusing to work in class.
I hope the teacher aide and clear official instructions would make things better. But we have to wait until mid-December for the appointment. I hoped I could explain some things unofficially earlier but apparently no way.

M used to have a different teacher, capable of working with her despite lack of diagnosis back then. She may or may not come back next year - she declared she would but it's uncertain, she has some health problems.
If accommodations turn out unhelpful, I'm working on backup plans of moving her to a different school - either therapeutic or private and small, I need to research the market for it.

In the meantime - just trying to survive.

The next time this centenarian hag says that, don't be so polite about it. Tell her that will never have had as much experience with your child as you have. Tell her she doesn't know squat about your child and she never will unless she cleans the wax out of her ears and listens to you. Don't be afraid to throw a few expletives in there.

It’s not wise to curse at teachers.

I agree with it. Nothing to gain that way.
If we can't get to some cooperation civil ways and a teacher aide doesn't make things better, then changing school is an option. Going into open confrontation is unlikely to help.

I feel for you. My son is on the spectrum, he's now 28. He functions better than I do socially, but has a lower IQ. I have a pretty good IQ, but I suck socially. I would consider him the higher functioning of the two of us.

He hated school. When he was tiny, he screamed and ran when I sat down with flash cards. Always hated school... he was 21 when he finally graduated. My God, I never though we would get that kid through it. He hated reading. I read the books and then wrote a short summary for each chapter. He read my summaries. He just couldn't do it. And I saw no reason to torture him further.