I never got that lifelong friend with my childhood friend

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Summer_Twilight
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08 Nov 2019, 11:49 am

Hi:
I am currently working through this situation with a counselor and she says that I am not really at an ex-from childhood but that I am angry because I didn't get that lifelong friend that one always sees in others and TV shows.

As sad and angry as I am about this happening over 20 years ago, and the attempted re-connections, we both looked at dynamics.

1. Her mom and stepdad were extremely abusive to her growing up
2. Her mom was extremely messed up and did things like fabricate illness and lie all the time
3. Her parents never taught her how to respect others
4. She never really became mature
5. She had a history of being mean to other kids, including me
6. She lied all the time growing up
7. Her mom let her do whatever she wanted and even was on on her bad behavior

As she grew up, her behavior got worse and especially as she became a teenager and she never matured
1. She kept lying all the time
2. She ended up following in the footsteps of her mother
3. I heard through the grapevine that she and her husband are con-artists and are constantly scamming people

As much as I would have liked to have had a lifelong friendship with her, it would not have worked out and luckily those doors closed for a good reason which all started with her first boyfriend next to new doors beginning to open in my own life.



Noca
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09 Nov 2019, 2:07 pm

I don't think lifelong friends are as common as TV/film makes them out to be. I had a friend for 19 years but he eventually changed as well as moved away so our friendship ended. Still wasn't lifelong I guess. Did you ever make any other long term friends instead?


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Marknis
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09 Nov 2019, 5:57 pm

I am sorry you feel bad, Summer_Twilight. I don’t have any childhood friends either. I remember one guy I used to hang out with had these grandiose ideas starting in junior high about what we would do together once we hit college but that didn’t come to pass.
Do you ever encounter people you used to know in school?



Summer_Twilight
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11 Nov 2019, 9:37 am

Noca wrote:
I don't think lifelong friends are as common as TV/film makes them out to be. I had a friend for 19 years but he eventually changed as well as moved away so our friendship ended. Still wasn't lifelong I guess. Did you ever make any other long term friends instead?


Yes,
I have been friends with someone since high school but we didn't go to school. Rather, she was morning bus driver all through 11th grade and we met during my first hiatus from my childhood friend. I also have other friends that I have had for 16 years but those are all guys.

What I am really talking about is wanting to have a close bond with another woman which I have had a hard time connecting with. Now I have had bonds with others but all of them are mainly short-lived and most of them have had some problems of their own

1. Most of them have had low self-esteem - The last one I was starting to bond with is married to an extremely abusive husband.
2. They have been hurt in some way or another and have not seen a counselor. Because of that, they hurt others

Another example, one of them cut me from her life because we just were not compatible on so many levels. She also isn't very nice. She got what she wanted in life and just treated me like a piece of trash but I am working through it and learned to accept that she's interested in me and it's been 6 years.

However, :D I am building on my own self-esteem and learning how to appreciate who I am while wanting to be around more positive people.



Last edited by Summer_Twilight on 11 Nov 2019, 9:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

kraftiekortie
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11 Nov 2019, 9:48 am

The last time I saw someone from high school was over 20 years ago.



Marknis
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11 Nov 2019, 12:04 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
The last time I saw someone from high school was over 20 years ago.


I’ve ruled out ever going to a high school reunion. I didn’t really have any friends during my tenure.



Summer_Twilight
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11 Nov 2019, 5:01 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Noca wrote:
I don't think lifelong friends are as common as TV/film makes them out to be. I had a friend for 19 years but he eventually changed as well as moved away so our friendship ended. Still wasn't lifelong I guess. Did you ever make any other long term friends instead?





Another example, one of them cut me from her life because we just were not compatible on so many levels. She also isn't very nice. She got what she wanted in life and just treated me like a piece of trash but I am working through it and learned to accept that she's interested in me and it's been 6 years.



*I realized there was a typo* Correction, I have learned to accept that this woman is not interested in me. In fact, she doesn't like me and I accept it that she is not going to change her mind anytime soon. However, I was hoping she and I would be life long friends and that we would have a sister type of relationship but it didn't work out.

However, I went out to dinner over the weekend and ran into two other female friends and then went shopping with one of them. They are both interested so I am going to reach out to them,