My mum has dementia

Post Reply New Topic

I'm going through something really bad right now, my mum is in a nursing home as she has dementia, she got worse very quickly, It's so hard seeing her like that, I go and visit her once a week, when I saw her today she was nasty to me now I'm worried about going to see her on Christmas Day for lunch.
I can't cope with the way she is, I know she can't help it and I try not to take it personally but it's just so hard.
I came home today feeling so depressed.

That's sad. Hugs to you.

Find some comfort in remembering better times when she was well. Dementia causes distressing behavioural changes. It also involves fear on the part of the person with dementia because they know there's little they can do and their mind is changing. They will be in a state of denial and maybe take it out on those around them, including staff at the home.

Be strong and don't feel guilty as it's not your fault.

Thank you I'm also scared that eventually she won't even know both my sister and I.

We are here for you, April.

I'm sorry this is happening to your mom and to you and your sister. It's hard when the balance shifts in a relationship.
I'm glad you have a sister - I hope you two can support each other.
Be sure to mention to the staff when you notice a significant change as it may be related to a medicine change of dose or type or something they need to address. They may be able to adjust. Even give them a call to let them know. Maybe by the time Christmas comes your mom will have settled down some. I've worked a bit with people in this situation and it can fluctuate from day to day.

Support group

Read books

Talk to the professionals about questions

Read the communication carefully

Organize your documents

Sleep and eat correctly

Take it one day at a time

I'm so sorry April. My dad has Parkinson's and I know how hard it is to see someone you've known forever deteriorate like that.

When a parent is in nursing home, a great bonding activity is to bring them something you know they love. It can help trigger back good memories and create a positive experience between the two of you. Does your mom have a favorite dish? Or a favorite flower?

I thought of taking some of her things over there but she says the other residents take them.
She had her photos locked in a cupboard, the other residents have their photos out.

So sorry to hear this, Aprilviolets. I'm very familiar with dementia, having been close to a couple of people who wound up with it. There was even a 6 year old boy who wound up with young-onset dementia. It's a terribly sad thing to watch the deterioration, in loved ones. Sending you hugs and strength for the days ahead. You're not alone.x

I saw my Mum yesterday she was teary but she was glad to see me, I'll be going to see her on Christmas day, they have a lunch for the residents and their families although only one family member can go as they can't cater for a lot of people.

Just an update my mum passed away last saturday My sister rang me the night before to say she won't last the night so I went to the nursing home, we ended up staying there all night.
We decided to go home the next morning and have a sleep and go back later but she passed away when we left.

(((( Aprilviolets ))))

My condolences and may she rest in peace. I'm so sorry to hear of the difficult journey you've been through in the past few months. I hope you are able to remember the best memories of your mum.

I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you peace.

{{{{{{Oh April}}}}}}. So terribly sorry. May she rest in peace now. Hope that you and your sister find comfort in the life and times you all shared. May you find strength as I do(having lost my mother very young), in the thought that your mother is watching over you, willing you on to a safe and happy life... She is my strength in times of need...

Sometimes people who are dying wait for loved ones to leave before passing, so don't feel bad for leaving when you did. I'm sorry for your loss and send comfort to you and your sister. Hugs.

Requiescat in pace.

I'm glad to know that she recognized you before Christmas; know that even though her mind deteriorated she loved you with all her heart until the end, as good mothers do.