Self-deprecation is a coping technique I used frequently, especially when I was a teenager.
I still do, to an extent, but only when I'm enduring a depressive episode.
It sounds like you've desensitised yourself, which maybe why you've lost your sensitive side?
I'm aware you could care less, but why else would you post here? Probably just to vent perhaps.
Just know it's not uncommon, and the self-hate will only fester, unless you're able to find any help or support to guide you through it.
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"And I've embraced the calamity, with a detachment and a passive disinterest."