Why is this throwing me off so much

Post Reply New Topic

I wasn't quite sure where to place this so I sincerely apologise if here isn't the right place.

This week I had the weirdest conversation I have ever had with two guys in my life. We were waiting for class to begin and they usually stand further down but this time they both came down to the corner that I stand in alone usually (corners are so good) and I couldn't then just stand in silence so I asked them about the homework. From this point on they would answer whatever I said in unison and these were not one word answers, these were whole entrances. It happened more than once and I could barely pick up on what each was saying. It was a weird sort of sensory hell as my eyes zipped between the two who are on either side of me and struggled to understand each. The teacher came soon then thank goodness and that was that. I don't know what it was but something stressed me out/ disturbed me about that conversation so I was in a sort of drained daze for the rest of the day. It still makes me nauseous.

What made it worse is the responses from people who I told who reason they both probably are attracted to me which the very idea of makes my blood pressure spike. I have low self esteem - if they are something must be wrong with them and I have every reason to be disturbed, if they aren't - why an earth would you do that and actually if they are the same question applies. This sounds really dumb but it is really stressing me out and I don't quite know how I am supposed to cope with this stress. If they do they are literally destroying years of built up beliefs that dictate how I act around the opposite sex and it will change how I currently envision my future - lonely and childless but with many many cats who I love. Perhaps it is the idea of change that stresses me out.... It's such a dumb thing to be so upset over.

Plus it feels narcissistic to come to this decision but then at the same I took making eye contact with someone multiple times in a lesson as a normal thing when apparently it isn't but I could also be filtering through things with an agenda and warping things.

I don't quite know how to feel or how to move on nor if I believe what other's interpretations are..

Hey Iv, the way I look at it, if anyone chooses to make an effort to talk to you, all you can do, at the very least, is what you did. You engaged them in conversation. If they do in fact "like" you, are interested in you, then it's up to them to make you feel comfortable around them, if they want a friendship with you. This could all work out nicely, from a friendship point of view at the very least, as time goes on, if you all get to know each other a little more, and feel more at ease chatting. What you described, sounds "normal" to me, in that when I was your age, this was also my experience. I became very good friends with two guys, one who later became my boyfriend, the other, a very good friend, like a brother. They remain friends today, all those years later. They mean alot to me. If, over time, you all feel more at ease with each other, things could feel a whole lot less "strange" and you can never have too many friends in this world...

If I understand what you said that two individuals stood next to you, one on either side and when you asked them a question, they both responded with the exact same answer. That seems implausible if the answers were exactly the same. They would have to probably be mind readers to pull that off. If that is what you are saying, I may not know how this was done but I have a recommended solution.

When you asked a question face only one person at a time and look them in the eyes as you ask the question. That should break the duality of answers.

Maybe you're more attractive than you give yourself credit for?

Oh no sorry for not being clear they were different answers but where said at about the same time. So for example I ask how a presentation is coming along and one goes on a long story about doing it the night before the first given date and the other explains how they ordered it, Just both are talking over each other.

Thank you!! You are always so helpful/kind in your replies. I think it's only really been in the last two years that I've even been able to maintain healthy friendships and with the drama that is my family, relationships are a wee bit traumatising, even hypothetical ones. I've only just gotten to a point where love songs don't trigger panic attacks. Friendships I'm fine with but even there bc of some very weird beliefs I made as protection, they can be a little anxiety inducing. But yes, one can never have to many friends

Probably. I came to the conclusion it probably is the case, not because of this but the sheer volume of things I get away with saying while still being viewed as "cute" and "quirky", terms I have actually been called (by that I mean accidentally very inappropriate things, usually morbid jokes I think people can handle that they cannot). That must sound rather annoying to others but when you have a low self esteem it is hard to believe haha

You are not alone, when I was young I couldn't understand why women would approach me because my self image and self esteem was so terrible. I was clueless, unable to make a connection that they may have been interested in getting to know me better.

I think when your autistic it makes it worse because you only have your world view and it is harder to think of others and understand them. I was treated badly a lot by my peers and told once a long time ago by one that I was basically repulsive and no one would take to me. Being treated badly by "friends" after and several peers after reinforced that. How am I expected to think positively of myself after all of that. I think especially when you get compliments from friends you don't believe it because they are friends and while a part of me has had suspicions about a few things it feels like I would be arrogant to assume I am correct, even if others feel like I am being ridiculous.

Two possibilities, and it might be a combination;

Some people go through periods where their features don't agree well and look kind of awkward, it sucks, and it hurts when it informs one's perceptions of themselves later on, but it definitely happens. It could be worse, it can also happen in reverse.

Besides that, sh***y friends will tear you down if they're jealous or want to control you. If you're gorgeous but also present very plainly or are atypically pretty (like where someone's features don't correspond to ideals strongly on an individual level but they still work together 'holistically' well) and they put more effort to only get a mediocre result they might try to make you feel less good about yourself because they put more work into presenting in a way they deem to have higher value. Basically, crab b*****s.

It isn't arrogant to believe you're an attractive person. It might be if you believe this makes you a more valuable person than others, but that doesn't sound like something you're likely to do.

I think what makes it more confusing for me is the time periods of conflicting information. So I was rated a 3 when I was about 13 (about when my self esteem in general plummeted) but also had someone ask for my number. However they asked my friend out as a dare so I don't trust this info. and then a bit later I believe I found a rated list of girls' attractiveness and was in the higher middle. I have lost a lot of weight since that period as I came off epilepsy meds and started eating better and working out but sadly am still a bit overweight - although I think people can't tell because they seem genuinely shocked when I say so. While I am mentally ill and have anxiety, I usually can calm them a little with factual evidence but this is one area I cannot because my evidence conflicts and is from years ago. It is only now that I am back in a mixed environment, having been in a girls school before college and I have only just about completed a term.

As for the friendships, I think it was obvious that at that time I was just desperate to be accepted/loved and people tend to not respect that. I had loads of people who would only be my friends as long as I only did what they would say and was no stranger to being controlled or manipulated. I got out of that need though and now have good loving friends thank goodness.