Too lonely

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Im extremely lonely and unable to make friends, even meeting someone, i cant do anything. I dropped out of university because of feeling depressed and anxious (i was just going to classes and come home, no social life). I dont have the ability to socialize, it means loneliness. And that makes my depression infinite. Im about to turn 22, but dont want to believe that. My social skills are like 5 year olds. Time is passing and im the same. Is it because of autism? Am i going to be a loser forever?

I hear what you're saying, the only thing I can say is don't believe you're a 'loser' because of it. I was extremely lonely and depressed at university and really I should have dropped out, it would have been the best thing to do but I didn't have the guts. I wish I could say its been better since then but it hasn't. I'm now in my 50's and I'm just as lonely as I was then, I have no friends and haven't had sex in 20+ years but somehow you have to believe that it's not your fault, I would love to have friends but if there is nobody out there to be friends with then it's not my problem. The truth is there are very few people out there who are worthy of being friends with, might sound arrogant but my experience has told me that's just the way it is. The vast majority of people are really boring and there is no reason to feel that not being friends with them is one's own problem, you really are not missing out there. It's kind of sad but that's the way it is. These days I just get on with things that are interesting to me and don't worry about the rest. In fact it's actually a real bonus that I don't have to waste my time getting involved with people when there are so many more interesting and rewarding ways to spend my time.

Not sure this will help at your age but take my word for it this is the result of many long years of hard-won experience.

You're not a loser, your just one of us. We all have been in the same place to some extent. I can't ever remember making friends by going to classes. You have to try different things to make friends. Try to find something social where you might meet other ASD people.

The way to heal.....is to listen to what others are saying.

That’s really the only way you will get out of your sadness.

I am so sorry to hear you are feeling lonely. Anxiety and feeling different make it so difficult to make friends. That's a lot of what Wrong Planet is about. Having at least some connection with others who are in the same boat, so to speak. I have learned a lot in the two years I have been here. I mostly slogged through my life doing the best I can. Mostly I was too stubborn to give up. Also, I think I was unaware of how I appeared to others and just kept trying.

Now, I am content with the limitations of autism. I found out there really isn't a lot worth while in superficial relationships and chit chat. I also understand you are not there yet. I hope you hang around and keep talking and reading a lot of posts so you can see you are not alone.

Your communication skills might be better than you think.

we are the way the creator made us, for reasons one will eventually discover. you and me and the rest of us here are on Frost's "the road less travelled," and we must all believe that we will eventually be the better for it.

I would be considered high functioning and yet feeling similarly (my DX is "mild to moderate"). We are not losers. We are different. My fitting in and doing it "their way" the best I can has taken a huge toll on my well being. It's that "birds don't swim" and "fish don't fly". Well, some do, but briefly. I am a bird that can swim some, but if I stayed down there, I would die. And it would be really nice if the fish were like "wow, you really can swim!" instead of "you don't swim as well as we do, you don't swim as long as we do, in fact, we feel uncomfortable watching you swim." I guess it's for us to see this for ourselves --- accept we don't "swim" like that ---- for us to enjoy just a toe in the water or a brief swim and watch the fish doing fishy things and know it's not our world that way and not expect it of ourselves - to go fly. Some others will see us for who we are or listen to us and understand, albeit far in between, they're out there. The fish who is glad for the visiting bird, or the bird that finds a flock. I am sorry you are lonely. I felt that deeply and strongly and said that a lot the first 40 years of my life (even with a spouse and a BFF). Now it's better, now I am happier with what I accomplish for myself (most recent: Maker Space!) and the few friendships I have (those that can "tolerate" my sporadic and intense contact) --- still I can feel that yearning for MORE. I'm finding validation from the ASD community (groups, coaching, books) to help me build my self validation skills. Then maybe I can stop apologizing to people (and myself) and BE with them, authentically.

Totally get these posts .. and notices accuracy of the observations .
Btw have best Christmas you can , be it alone or alone in a crowd .
If you ever had a memory , of how christmas was suppose to be..
In a childs eye. Might give a smile , that once upon a time such magically things existed . If only for a moment .

I don't really get lonely or want friends.

Smiles ,, merry ho ho...

My ASD coach says my high sensitivity to people is a blessing and a curse for me. Pros and Cons. Although, I went a good five hours the other day before I missed my kids and then I missed them for about 2 min (while I was switching tasks), then went another couple hours without missing them. When I think of friends and family I miss them soooooo, toooooo much - but when I am busy with my interests, I don't miss them at all. I am a study in polar opposites.

Me either. Which works out well because I'll likely never have any.

Society made a construct of what one is supposed to do, gain and have in life in order to be a "winner".

I live by my own construct.

Until they find you. Muhahahaha......

Until they find you. Muhahahaha......sighes its rough.. sorry

I identify with "unable to make friends" and having social skills of child. I'm 57. In my unprofessional opinion "don't have ability" may only be temporary. Example, I started learning piano fall 2018. I pushed myself to learn this and now I have something I enjoy that doesn't require social skills or friends. What ability would you like to develop? I find that being a subject matter expert on something can also be helpful. I don't need social skills to get people to relate to me; I just need more technology skills to get people to interact with me. As long as you have an opportunity to make choices, you have the opportunity to make incremental improvements to your quality of life. Hope this is encouraging.