I think my girlfriend might be pregnant

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Actually that's typical in certain areas of the UK. You didn't want your hubby leaving the factory and blowing your cash at the pub with his mates. A bit of misandry, but your tough Northern and Scottish women do that.

I definitely think the OP and girlfriend need to discuss their culture differences and expectations and find some common ground.

I actually went directly from work to give birth. There is no reason to stop working unless there is a medical contraindication such as cervical insufficiency or diabetes. If I were you Retro I would seek legal advice just to be on the safe side, and also determine how much mutual responsibility is shared. She may not be a good candidate for a wife, if this is the case then you can raise the child together in separate households, with both of your interests protected.

That was portrayed in the anime Shin-Chan

d) She has me

We got into a long argument a few days ago when I tried to reduce her payment to $150 per week because she's collecting the rent. After about two hours she won. She said it's ok because it goes into a joint account anyway but she gets mad when I use that account. She treats it like it's hers. I use it sometimes anyway.

She went on and on about that time she bought me a washing machine and that time she paid for solar panels to be installed on the roof and that time she gave me $90,000 towards the house deposit.

Sure I like gifts as much as then next guy but I don't like it when people give me gifts and then demand reperations. It feels like they're just forcing a loan on me.

90,000 but now she's saying the house should be half hers. But $90,000 is much less than half. At least I got a small victory in this argument. I convinced her that after I've paid off $90,000 we should split the mortgage.


Oh boy does she love her gender roles. The only consolation and that when she works she makes much more than me. She thought I would be upset by this. I wasn't upset. I was just excited to see her make enough for a house deposit in a few months.


She's tried that on my several times but I always refuse.


That stuff is mostly done by the boarders.

Last edited by RetroGamer87 on 15 Apr 2020, 8:28 am, edited 2 times in total.

You'd have to check the law where you live. I don't know whether there is "commonlaw marriage" in Australia. If you live together will you be considered legally married after a period of time? Some countries that acknowledge commonlaw marriage without a marriage certificate will equally divide all assets which were purchased after the commencement of that relationship, regardless of who paid what. In that case the house would be "half hers" legally, regardless of her share in contributions. Even if she paid zero. Other countries don't enforce commonlaw rules. In those cases, people can only claim what they've paid into the purchase. That would mean she'd get her $90,000 (or an equal percentage of the house's value when you sell), and you would get an equivalent to how much you spent.

I recommend that you get legal advice and draft a Cohabitation Agreement, even if you are staying together (unmarried) happily ever after. That takes away the need to argue over finances. It will detail who owns what, and help you both to feel more secure with joint investments. I know it doesn't sound romantic but it would likely help your relationship to have these details notarised on paper, and then you can focus on loving your child and having a happy partnership instead of feeling insecure.

( Hugs )

Yes, we have commonlaw marriage in Australia.

She says after about a year she'll go back to work so she can buy a second house. I'm hoping in the event we seperate we can split the difference and take one each. Worst case scenario would be we end up splitting our residence but not splitting her investment property.

Is she craving for donuts these days?

Retro I wonder if your GF is afraid of the coronavirus somehow affecting your unborn baby. I don't know if pregnant women need to be more careful but I can understand them taking special precautions rite now including them not wanting to go out places like going to a job.

The Daily Show did a segment on how the divorce rate is going up cuz of the virus. Lots of people are stuck inside all day & night with their partners which can lead to short tempers. For example my girlfriend gets annoyed sometimes if I'm around her all day & night without giving her some alone time & she's clingier & needier than a lot of NT woman. This virus is also causing lots of fear in people. They're worried about themselves of their loved 1s catching the virus & they're worried about paying their bills & not being able to get essential goods cuz of all the hoarding. Perhaps this is a major factor to your fights on top of pregnancy hormones & her being physically uncomfortable cuz of having a baby in her stomach.

No. She's craving Chinese food.

Yes she is.

I know right? Working from home is such a drag. I mean, I like not having to catch the train every day but I miss being able to work in an office and I miss being able to eat lunch in a restaurant every day (although the boarders are exceptionally good cooks so it isn't all bad).

The worst part is not having a space dedicated to work. I already had the computers set up in the living room so I thought that would be a good place to work in. But the living room is not a quite space. I also I think working on the couch might give me shoulder problems.

I already gave the home office to one of the boarders. My partner has a small computer desk set up in our bedroom. I'm sure she'd let me use it but that would mean using only one screen

I have the same problem as your girlfriend. Sometimes it feels like Jane doesn't give me any alone time. My new position is pretty intense so after 4pm I just want to veg, not do a second shift with her.

She probably feels neglected. Imagine things from her point of view. All day she sees me working on a computer and then after work I spend the evening on the computer. She probably thinks I love my computers more than her.

Yes she mentioned that. She's a small woman and it might be dreadful having all that weight attached to her.

I can't recall details, but I remember you mentioned something in the past that made me realize that your GF contributes a lot, I may be mistaken but wasn't she paying most bills, buying groceries, and driving you around?

Once and for all, can you list her contributions vs yours? And not just the financial contributions (also mention how much you paid in house, vs how much she did for house and furniture...etc), but everything.

I could try but it's difficult to quantify. I'm not saying she doesn't contribute substantially.

I vacuum and she cooks some of the time (though most of the cooking is done by the boarders. Sometimes makes me a coffee in the morning. Sometimes I have to hold her at night. This might sound trivial but going to bed two or three hours before I'm ready cuts into my free time. We both do the shopping (sometimes seperately, sometimes together). Sometimes I act as her driver.

As for money, I provide a regular income and she provides a higher but less predictable income. I think that's part of the reason she wants to be with me. While her income is often much higher than mine, the regularity of my salery serves to stabilistabilize us both.

She's made substantial monetary contributions to me but I don't like recieving a gift and then being I told I owe the one who gave it to me. That makes it feel like it's a loan, not a gift.

I agree. It’s not a gift if there are strings attached.

I used to "loan" my then-boyfriend (now husband) money too. I tracked it. Every penny. When first married I would even calculate our joint returns as if we were single and ask him for his portion of the taxes. It was "protective" for me. Now 20 years later I can see how it served me at the time but was ridiculous. Even so, I still hold out hope he'll "repay" me - but of course he has many time over in alternate ways. My point is that a person can have really whack expectations or "needs" and they can be softened, changed, adjusted, tolerated and a wonderful relationship can be had … with constructive communication. If it's you vs her, it's not going to work. If it's you two, it will.

I had a hard time with dividing up money early in our marriage. I was all for yours/mine until I lost my job. So for a few months she was the breadwinner until she lost HER job, and it’s wasn’t long after that we lost our house. After that having a bank account was really pointless, plus our bank accounts were getting for sold from one bank to another every few weeks and suddenly we couldn’t get any help.

Once we finally did get back on our feet, we kept everything in a single, joint bank account. We don’t keep track of who makes what, but we do tell each other every time we spend money. I think that has gone a long way towards keeping us out of trouble.

I've been thinking of doing it that way. We have a joint account but neither of us use it as our main account. I'm a little worried if we really used the joint account for everything I'd feel guilty every time I bought something from ebay because I was using our money instead of my money.