Rant

Post Reply New Topic

Sometimes I don't understand things, I don't know if it's my Autism or something else. My aunt complains about me not doing dishes, it slipped my mind, I acknowledge my mistake and go to do it. She then complains about me being too slow, while I think even if I get it done only a few minutes later, nobody will be hurt by it. I finish my dishes, then my phone alarm rings and I go to shut it off, I don't want to wake anybody up or considering the time, I don't want to annoy anybody else. She then complains that I didn't start the dishwasher. She begins to lecture me about time efficiency, how my lack of it will leak to every part of my life, I'll be inefficient in work and everything, and I just don't understand.
For me a couple of things were confusing, I either spend a couple of seconds turning on a dishwasher or a few more shutting off an alarm and then coming back to turn on the dishwasher, to me, an alarm is more annoying when it goes off and nothing changes if the dishwasher starts a couple of seconds later. what the hell is the problem? Then somehow she compares how fast I do dishes to how fast I will do everything in life and that to me makes no sense, how will getting faster at doing dishes, lead to me getting faster at other things in life.

I have a difficult time translating thoughts into action so I do understand how I can seem slow, I just need to do things a few times in the right way to get used to doing it quickly. I sometimes wonder if my Aspergers, is responsible for my poor motor skills, although my brother does not seem to have poor motor skills even though he has the same condition.

I know what you mean.

I went through the same crap as you did.

One of the problems many Aspies encounter are problems with executive function.

Executive function and self-regulation skills depend on three types of brain function: working memory, mental flexibility, and self-control. These functions are highly interrelated, and the successful application of executive function skills requires them to operate in coordination with each other.

These skill encompass:

* Paying attention.
* Organizing, planning, and prioritizing.
* Starting tasks and staying focused on them to completion.
* Understanding different points of view.
* Regulating emotions.
* Self-monitoring (keeping track of what you're doing)

I have problems with short-term memory. I might start a task and then get interrupted. After I take care of the interruption, I forget the fact that I was in the middle of working on a task.

For example, I might be boiling an egg on the stove making breakfast. But then I get a phone call. I answer the phone and when the phone call is done, I go about working on some other tasks. I forgot the fact I was making breakfast. Thirty minutes later, I remember I was making a boiled egg and return to the pot. The water has boiled out, the egg is dead and I have a mess to clean up.

The solution is to learn methods or tools to enhance your executive functioning.

Confused sloth

Your post only comes from your perspective.

Your aunt might view it differently

Slanted, biased, skewed

And I am just a stranger on the internet and have no authority over the situation

(Fine)

But based on your post it sounds , to me, like your aunt is impatient and unreasonable

Does she treat anyone else like that, or just you?

There is no way to know why she acts like that

Correlation versus causation

You can't change someone else

Bribery, extortion, peer pressure

This is just an unproven theory but she could see you as a scapegoat

There might be something she hates about you that triggers or provokes her

Unfortunately plenty of precious lil "people", in positions of authority, could treat you much worse than your aunt

My dad and my ex-wife were like this. So were many of my teachers and supervisors.

If you do something right, you take too long; if you do it fast, you do it wrong; and if you are both fast and accurate, then you should be doing something else entirely.

If I walked normally, my dad would complain about me stomping around the house; yet if I walked quietly so as not to disturb him, he would accuse me of being sneaky and up to no good.

With my ex, I was either driving too fast or too slow, following too closely or to distant, signalling too soon or too late ... et cetera.

With some people, you just can't win; you can only put as much distance between yourself and them and hope they don't come after you.

@shortfatbalduglyman it was just a rant, I know my Aunt's nagging comes from a good place, at least from a logical line of thinking, emotionally I feel wronged, but I know I wasn't wronged. She just knows the world's not a friendly place, so she thinks I have to toughen up, smarten up, and simply get better or else I'm going to suffer in life. I'm not a teenager anymore and can understand why harshness is sometimes necessary.

@Fnord, it is tough, living out of step with the normies, handicapped as we are, there's no possible accommodation the world could make for us, you can build ramps for the crippled, braille for the blind, subtitles for deaf, but what do you do for us the mentally confused.

Since your narrative is a bit confusing, let me ask a question:

Exactly some precious lil "people" are manipulative arrogant judgmental entitled lil dips**ts

For example they tell me that I talked too loudly. Or they say "huh"

They act like every thought and emotion that goes through their head, is the latest greatest scientific invention. Then when I make the mistake of flapping my stupidass trap they have the nerve to grunt "huh" and "what" like it's the etiquette equivalent of"excuse me"


f**k those ass holes

I think the mental confusion, at least for me, arose from the conflicting instructions about what the other person wants done. This was a particular problem when I was working for employers.

Employer, day 1: you need to complete your visits faster. You should have X done by person Y (i.e. Delegate.)

Employer, day 2: you need to stop making other people do your work. Y has her own work to do. (I.e. Don't delegate)

If these come fast enough at me, like several an hour, pretty soon I am nonfunctional.

In other cases, such as my father, it was a matter of never getting it right, similar to Fnord's experience.

@Fnord, to clear up the situation, my Aunt was not asleep she was observing me do dishes, I finished doing them, my alarm went off, I went to shut off my alarm since it was annoying (small house), she yells that I forgot to start the dishwasher, I tell her I only wanted to shut off my alarm first and come back to press the button (I did not forget, only a few seconds passed, I went back and she told me I had a problem with prioritizing things so that I am most time-efficient, as I chose to deal with the most annoying thing instead of prioritizing the task nearest to me.)

@Fnord as to your other point, living out of step with the normies is tough, mentally confused may not have been the best way to put it, I simply meant I am often confused by how normies act as in I cannot mentally process why some normies all obsess over some things, I suppose an example would be this new TikTok fad, that I cannot wrap my head around, also how everyone started making fun of Harambe the gorilla that was shot, I don't know why it went viral or why they found it funny that a poor ape was shot, their obsession with drugs and alcohol and fame, and how everyone is lying even though everyone says its good, to be honest, there's more and I just get confused by it all. It's not as if I was diagnosed as mentally confused. Excuse my choice of words, I did not realize the negative connotations when writing it, I suppose a better word might be socially challenged, although if I think about it, it's not the best description considering autism does have some physical disabilities (sensitivity to certain noises, like how it's physically painful for me to hear sharpie on paper), what word would you use to describe people with Aspergers and autism?

You do have a good point, but it's not like my Aunt is on my case all the time, other than making me upset for a short time there really isn't a negative consequence to her approach. My own mother raised me and my brother too softly, although that may be partially my fault, my mother is very understanding, kind, and generally leaves us to our own devices. While I acknowledge that this approach is beneficial to mental health it does little to prepare someone for the rigors of real(independent) life. So it's like my aunt's criticism is constructive but not supportive, while my mom's parenting style was supportive but not very constructive. As you say it'd be best for a guardian to take a constructive and supportive approach to the autistic child. But that's difficult, it's not a very simple topic, you could reason that to properly raise an autistic kid they should've spent the time to learn, but honestly, my Father can barely read English and my mother was too busy running the household so at least in my case, expecting them to have time for such things is too idealistic.

My Aunt, on the other hand, is a single mom raising a rebellious kid while taking care of her ailing mother while doing a full-time job with a part-time job teaching Chinese. I don't hold anything against my Aunt and appreciate her concern even if the way she displays it makes me upset. (Also I'd rather she focus on her own tasks rather than supervise me, it'd be helpful to her and even if I'm slow at first, I will get faster at a task over time. But she still says it's painful to see how slow I am, even though I'm pretty sure I was doing it faster than I was a week ago, and definitely faster than when I started a month ago.)
So, I actually should be more supportive and understanding of my aunt instead of the other way around.

It is a great point Sharon that you make, I should practice assertiveness, this I do not dispute. But again, I owe my Aunt and in fact, my entire family a lot, to expect them to accommodate me more makes no sense to me.

I was not always a person capable of empathy (understanding the viewpoints of others), I threw tantrums when younger, I was angry when I had no right to be, often lazy and entitled, my Aunt owes me nothing, yet she shows concern and gives advice on things like my job search. So I don't think she needs to change, but I think I do need to change. Perhaps assertiveness would improve my situation, but I already consider my situation to be better than her situation, so it's terrible for me to shift the burden onto her so that I may feel better.