Maybe I'm not as grown up as I should be

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I've been drinking a lot lately because I got a lot of money this month. I'd say about 10 times since Christmas eve. It didn't bother me much all those times except monday night, when I got a bad hangover. I was bed ridden all day tuesday and throughout the night. I still feel like crap today. I felt so bad that I wished I could go to the hospital and have them nurse me back to health. I want to check myself into the mental hospital because I drink too often but
I don't know if they'd let me stay in there for that. I didn't even drink that much monday night - 3 tall tins of beer, but it must have finally got to me because I've been drinking so often. Plus I'm on a low dose of antipsychotics and you shouldn't really drink while on that.

So anyway the illness made me reflect on life and if I really have my s**t together as well as I initially thought. Went to the soup kitchen after a night of drinking and Im pretty sure the pastor knew I was hung over. She would probably kick me out if I threw up there due to being hungover. Your not allowed to go in there drunk or high. But anyway I was too weak to walk all over town looking for a place to eat and didn't have anything good at home.

Sorry for the rambling. I just would like to stop drinking forever but don't think I have the will power to do so. Like I could quit drinking all winter but pick it up again in the spring like I've done before. The days are so much longer in the warmer months and I get bored and lonely. I got the number of a place to go to AA meetings. Perhaps I should call them.

Bad days come and go if you drink or don't drink. Drinking is an issue for you and you are amazingly brave and honest to say it.
I believe you can beat it and not return. I know you have it in you, and something I say is that it may take more then one attempt.
Yes. Goto the AA. Get yourself clean again. And it maybe that you need one or two safe hobbies or things going on in your life that are innocent, fun and exciting. There is a great need for outlets for fun where one will not come to any harm.
The problem here where I live is peoples concepts of fun are not right. I was asked what I did to socialize. I didn't know what he meant. He said "Which pub do you go to to socialize in?"
Well I don't. I don't go to pubs or clubs. It is not my scene. But there is a need to keep people like me happy without ending up sozzled in a pub or a club, and unfortunately no such places exist in my area. If they do I don't know about them.

Some churches have youthclubs but even if one is young, the concepts of what churches think is fun and what the youth long to enjoy can be a distance apart and so all but the church leaders sons and daughters tend to dissapear.

But what about adults? We need fun. We need adventure. (Now I am a bit of a loner who tends to avoid large groups so I may not go but many will) A group that organizes fun events has got to be good.

Sorry. I am going off on tangents. If you can find groups of people enjoying themselves without drink, drugs or gambling etc (Innocent things) then it is a good idea to join.

I think it would be good to get out of the rooming house I'm in and have my own apartment. But I've been procrastinating doing that because I'm unsure if I can afford it being on disability. Whatever, this place might get so bad that it forces me out at some point.

I know I need something in my life that gets me out of the house and around other people. There doesn't seem to be much in my town. But maybe it would be worth moving closer to a charity so I could volunteer there.

It doesnt help matters much that there are liquore stores on both sides of town. They are easy to get to. At least if a I had my own place and was hung over I would have my own kitchen and bathroom. I know there are many people on disability that have there own place, but they are probably quite poor.

It is worth considering. One thing you may not have considered. You are budgeting based on your income and expenditure. Drinking does take a portion of your income. If you were able to stop drinking, that portion is now available. It could explain how others can afford their own apartments on a limited income. I am not saying it is easy.
Fully understand the temptation of budget drink stores. Hard to find towns that don't have them. But would a country village be the answer? I am not familiar with the USA I only know the area of the UK where I live.

I'm in Canada. I don't know what you mean by budget drink stores but if it means a place to buy cheap drinks I'm glad we don't have them in this town or that would mean I would be tempted to drink more. But I never thought about living in a place without a liquor store. As far as I know every small town surrounding the area has one. My mom was able to quit drinking easily because she lives out of town. And she is happily married and isn't bored and lonely like me. I have to live in town because I will never be able to drive.

But anyway, I'm not happy with my life the way it is now. I drink mainly because I'm bored and lonely. I need to find something to do.

How about a bicycle? Can you ride one? Would you be safe? A horse? Uhmm.
I usually say "Buy a trainset" but as you can tell... My ideas that may work for me may not work for others! Haha. Is there anything happening in church that maybe interesting?

The soup kitchen I go to was closed for a few weeks after Christmas so that probably didn't help much. But it's opened now.

I actually believe hanging out at a church might not be a bad idea. Even if you're not religious. It's not anybody's business whether you're religious or not.

Churches tend to be places where one can get out of the bad neighborhood situation, and meet decent people who want to be clean and sober.

AA would be a good idea, too. They believe in a "higher power," but not necessarily in a Christian-type God.

Thanks guys! I supposed I could get involved in a church. It might be a good way to meet people.

Sounds to me like you have a mild alcohol addiction. Doesn't seem to have gotten too out of hand yet though, which is a good thing. Do you have a therapist? If so, could you bring these concerns up next time you have a session?