I need a filter

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I'm not referring to a water filter. I'm in need of a "social filter", I've been saying inappropriate things and this will destroy my few relationships. I have no therapeutic help, does anyone know how I can better control what I say without having a shutdown in the middle of conversations?

Many years ago I encountered a similar problem. I am not skilled in social communications. Sometimes I like to contribute to a conversation, help it along. My problem is that when I contribute generally I say the first thing that comes to mind. Many times people confide information with me. But when I put myself in conversations I just spill it all out. In a sense I betrayed their confidence.

So I began viewing my conversations from the viewpoint of whether the information that is passed to me is of a personal nature or not. And if it was personal, my lips were sealed shut.

Recently, someone told me that I have no filter. I was joking about giving a tutor a piece of my mind, and my friend replied "You do that to everyone anyways, you have no filter lol", and I asked another friend if they thought I lacked a filter. They said yes.

My parents also lack filters somewhat. Both have a tendency to bring up inappropriate subjects at tea. My mum tends to be brutally honest to a fault, if she doesn't like a gift then she'll ask for the receipt straight afterwards. Whereas my dad tends to ignore the mood of a room/is seemingly a bit oblivious to it, sometimes when we are having a casual conversation it'll take a bizarre detour into much heavier territory, then go back to light-hearted discussion.

I occasionally try to put on a filter depending on the situation, but there are some things I struggle with. Such as acting enthusiastic over a present that I do not care for. I find enthusiasm/general interest or excitement a particularly difficult emotion to replicate. Whilst I am grateful for it, I find it a challenging task to not let my disappointment or lack of interest for that particular item show. I don't want to be rude, but my face tends to betray me.

Also, I tend to find it hard to smile on command. It usually takes twenty attempts to get a photo of myself smiling, and even then it's not guaranteed. So, if someone does see me smiling and acting excited; chances are it's genuine. I find negative or neutral emotions such as anger, sadness or confusion easier to act out/fake.

You just need to develop some social scripts for yourself and memorize them. It seems like a lot of work, but non-autistic people use scripts as well. It is a normal part of our social world.

1. Say as little as possible.
2. Use modifying words such as sometimes, maybe, could, might, seems, etc.
3. Keep things short.
4. Ask questions more than talk.
5. Use humor

Mine isn't the best sadly either. Just today I accidentally was a bit to blunt about death and, missing my teachers point went on to say the way in which it is most likely to happen to us all...

I tend to look really closely when I'm speaking to someone. I may not be very good with social understanding but I can tell when people are uncomfortable. Once I identify what exactly I did wrong I then file it away in my head for topics tat are not fit and so will not be brought up again. The list is very long but once you get used to thinking about it it gets easier, despite being fairly tiring. If you have anyone close enough to you, it may help to ask them directly about what you mess up on. My sister was given a list of no nos from me and it helped.