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Abstract_Logic
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03 Feb 2020, 6:21 pm

I'm constantly worrying about whether I'm doing/have done the right thing. This involves repeatedly 'checking' people for changes in their demeanor toward me, obsessively reading things I've posted on social media or elsewhere, obsessively reading private conversations with my Internet friends. When I do receive reassurance, for example if someone whose judgment/opinion means a lot to me 'Likes' or somehow indicates approval of a post I make, it gives me a temporary and transient sense of satisfaction, until I need it again, or if I suspect they're lying to make me feel better.

I have a pretty good moral compass with regard to everyday practical ethics and my treatment of others. Where I have the most uncertainty is with more complex moral problems, like social, economic, and political issues. But neither of these facts makes a difference to my anxiety/OCD. I believe actions speak louder than words, and from what I can recall, the vast majority of my actions can be described as 'good' based on conventional moral standards. But I mean, I've certainly done things for selfish gain, and every moral action I make seems to contain an element of self-interest. I try to respect others rights, because other people deserve that their rights be respected, because I would want to receive the same treatment myself. The individual (our self) is the basis of moral reference.

Anyway, I'm digressing from my original intent. I'm just seeking advice on how to foster self-reassurance. If I can only move on with constant reassurance from external sources, I'll never learn to reassure myself of my moral worth, and I'll try to seek it from external sources ad infinitum. My motto for this 'campaign' is: Internal reassurance, not eternal recurrence.


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Has OCD, social anxiety, CPTSD


Last edited by Abstract_Logic on 03 Feb 2020, 7:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Abstract_Logic
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03 Feb 2020, 7:19 pm

I hope others find my original post and the following links helpful:

OCD and Excessive Reassurance Seeking

Ways to stop excessive worrying


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Autistic (self-identified)
Open source, free software, and open knowledge geek
GoLang, Python, & SysAdmin aspirant
RPG enthusiast
Has OCD, social anxiety, CPTSD


Mountain Goat
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03 Feb 2020, 7:33 pm

It is interesting you mention this about wanting to check you are doing ok etc...
I was doing this when I was working despite having huge experience in the trade and having worked there before for the exact person. It was like I needed to know every detail as a reassurance that I was getting things exactly as the person wanted?
I am normally very much a person who is much happier working alone... But on iccasions of high anxietynor nurves, I sometimes am like this...

I can be very off or on... In other words... Well. Ok. I am not assessed yet. I am half way down the waiting list, but I saw some of the autism team at one of their monthly drop in days a few days ago. They said "Anything you need to know or are concerned about to get in touch" (Or words to that effect).
I explained that if I get in touch I can over do it where without meaning to or planning to, I will be overly in touch. I am either like that, or I don't get in touch at all when I really need to. I find I don't seem to know where the balance is.


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bluegreenleaves
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05 Feb 2020, 5:57 pm

It felt like someone was writing something that has been in my head for me! I am exactly like this, and it is so painful, because the OCD makes you believe it is true.

For example, I had an obsession about something I said about a professor. I said he was irritating, but I FELT so bad and imagined all these scenarios escalating in my head, such as being expelled from college or everyone finding out I didn't like him and everyone hating me, and my life going wrong... etc! It's so frustrating and I hate it so much.

What I usually find helps is doing something that soothes me by adhering to one of my soothing sensory loves. For example, I love the feel of fur, so I will stroke my rug or fluffy blanket (a stim, but it helps), or having a hot tea and even having a hot water bottle. This immediately takes away the fear for me, and seems to allow more rational thinking back into my mind and take hold better than the intrusive ones.

This was just today, and now I'm sitting at my desk, having sushi and feeling a lot happier :) I'm also learning to listen to my body more, as I tend to struggle at times with knowing if I'm hungry/thirsty/etc when I'm anxious, and I realised I was really hungry so I had something to eat. Now I'm much better and calmed down :)