I Feel... Oh Dear! (No Words).

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Mountain Goat
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12 Feb 2020, 5:26 pm

I had some news which I am kind of panicing inside. I feel like pressure is inserted on my head and stomache has gome up inside my body... I felt cold and short if breath.
Tomorrow I will see the benefits advisor. She is very supportive, but rules are rules. She was asking and hinting for me to apeal, though I don't know if I feel up to doing that.

I know that at the moment I can't cope with looking for work. If I wait a few months I can walk into a certain part time temporary job as they love me there and the work I do, but it will mean a repeated burnout, and as each burnout has pushed me further downhill. I know it will result in me having to give up driving and I will not be able to walk which is serious living here as we won't be able to get out, and I won't have access to things which relax me. (Driving relaxes me).

Anyway. I am feeling aweful and my energy has been sapped.

Ok. I know that it is not the end of the world. It is more that I am in shock, even though I have mentally prepared for this.

So somehow I will plough on. But I may need to isolate myself from the benefits system to protect myself from further stress.


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Karamazov
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12 Feb 2020, 5:50 pm

If she’s advising you to appeal I’d guess that means she doesn’t agree with the assessment.
(Quite rightly by the sound of it)

If you can manage (financially) off the benefits system it could do you some good: I’ve been on it, and while it wasn’t the worst, it wasn’t good for my mental health. (Panic attacks out of nowhere and a few instances of suicidal ideation).

I’d recommend some project to get into though, even if only for an hour or two three or four days a week: I’ve done months on end of total schedule emptiness and I don’t recommend.
Different kind of awful.



Mountain Goat
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12 Feb 2020, 6:04 pm

Thank you for the reply. I most appreciate it.


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Karamazov
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12 Feb 2020, 6:15 pm

You’re welcome :D



Teach51
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13 Feb 2020, 7:49 am

Tell us how the meeting went MG.


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Mountain Goat
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13 Feb 2020, 5:08 pm

I am really relieved.

Trying to remember the details as towards the end I started to go into the fringes of a partial shutdown. My benefits advisor had me meet a lady who works there and helps people who have various dissabilities and conditions and I realized that while I was talking to her that she understood what I aas talking about which made things soo much easier to explain to her and she understands where I am coming from. Both ladies are brilliant at their jobs.
I remember that the second lady mentioned that she is going to have me see their work psycologist, who is not the same as a psycologist. Her job is to help me find a type of work enviroment (Suitable jobs etc) where I am less likely to have shutdowns so I can avoid burnout. If she can do this, I'm all for it as it is a miracle for me!

Anyway. I am relieved and I feel supported.

I feel a little guilty as I could not sleep last night and I was tired but around 0400AM onwards (It was 0500AM when I went to sleep) I wrote down my feelings of how I had hit burnout and how I wanted to do anything to avoid hitting burnout again, and how the assessment questions did not seem to be asking the right questions for someone who happens to be in my situation (If you asked me what questions need to be asked I would have to ask you lot as well as needing to be deep in thought myself to come up with answers but I did find the actual questions to be out of sink... If the questions were based on regular CB channels my conditions would be somewhere in sideband if that makes sense?).
I did say on the sheets I wrote that if I had to look for work and I am not ready to, I would have to stop claiming benefit because I have to protect myself from heading towards another burnout.
I am a bit embarissed as I did not have time to edit anything as I got up at mid day due to not sleeping when I needed to, for an afternoon appointment, so what I wrote was hand printed and basically in rough. (I would normally take the rough copy to write a more civilized and to the point copy to give to them so I am not rambling off on tangents or being too critical. I don't think I put my foot in it. I hope it is recieved as a summery of my situation).


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Empathy 11/80. AQ 39. May make sense to some. :)


Karamazov
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13 Feb 2020, 6:00 pm

That sounds like it’s heading in a positive direction :)

Fingers (and toes) crossed for you :)



kraftiekortie
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13 Feb 2020, 6:03 pm

I hope you get approved soon.....

What did the benefits interview say to you?



Juliette
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13 Feb 2020, 6:15 pm

Very relieved to hear and that's wonderful that you feel so supported there. All the best. 8)



Mountain Goat
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13 Feb 2020, 6:21 pm

I am already on benefits. My fear was that if I had to launch myself into looking for work and then finding work and doing it before I am ready, that I would end up in another burnout, and why I am concerned is that I may not be up to driving or walking if it hits me bad and I sink any lower.
I have had the chance to explain and found them to be very supportive, and the lady I spoke to today even understood where I was coming from. Wow. I wasn't expecting anyone to understand. It makes a big difference.

With me, it is not that I don't want to work in the future. It is more that at the moment I feel it is too early, and I am scared to incase I get burnout again. I am scared because I will really push myself when I should be saying take a break. You are not coping. I guess it comes with years of suffering without knowing the cause. I am lmost certain that if I did not find this site and you guys on here, I would have already had a more severe burnout and be practically dissabled by now. I was in such a mess with the last burnout and I cant believe how I pushed through to last to the end of the contract.
Thank you all for your knowledge, understanding and your support.


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Awaiting asessment. Neurodiverse 173/200. Neurotypical 21/200.
Empathy 11/80. AQ 39. May make sense to some. :)


Persephone29
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14 Feb 2020, 12:46 am

So happy to hear that you've been receiving some benefits MG. I'm hoping that as you work with the special psychologist, the things you had difficulty describing in your questionnaire will be observed and they get a better understanding.


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Mountain Goat
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14 Feb 2020, 5:43 am

Thanks Persephone29.

Tell you what I would like, but the idea would need me to avoid vapours from paints and glues (I have often been puzzled in the past why I have issues after making models as I make them in my bedroom) is to work in a model railway shop because I would be in my element.

Well. Regarding paints. If I am in an outdoor enviroment with a little wind I am less effected. It is wierd because I would be struggling through simply not knowing what was going on. I never knew that I was hyper sensitive to certain smells.


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Awaiting asessment. Neurodiverse 173/200. Neurotypical 21/200.
Empathy 11/80. AQ 39. May make sense to some. :)