Does autism make some of us look physically unattractive ?

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chris1989
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14 Feb 2020, 1:11 pm

I seem to this misguided perception and maybe some NT people do, that because we have aspergers and autism that it makes us look physically unattractive although it may not always seem the case as it is sometimes a hidden disability, I suppose depending on the severity. It is as if we dress in that same image like on cartoons of some geeky character dressed in out-of-fashion clothes, and have weird looking hair and teeth with glasses. I have heard and seen people who have had Aspergers and have been on TV like there was on Love Island and there was a guy on the Undateables who looked didn't look autistic at all and was being chased everywhere by girls and women. That envies me because I don't look as attractive as them because I have quite long blonde hair and I won't cut it shorter or shave it because it doesn't suit me and have a thing about my ears being big and I just have my hair thinned and layered instead and that I am not muscular, I am a 6 foot tall medium built thin person and don't have really any interest in going to gym for sole purpose of making my arms look more muscular, I tried it a number of times at home with weights and do some heavy lifting at work and they haven't really changed much.



Joe90
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14 Feb 2020, 1:28 pm

Yes and no. Unlike downs syndrome, autism doesn't affect ones facial features. But the way we present our appearance can make a difference, for example some men on the spectrum can look and dress too "nerdy", and some women on the spectrum can look rather "plain" if they don't wear makeup or style their hair, etc. This applies to NTs too, but it is quite common in autistics to not follow the latest fashion/trends.


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14 Feb 2020, 1:53 pm

I doubt Autism itself is to blame for how we look physically. Stereotypes and stigmas seldom help though.

If someone doesn't find you physically attractive, there's not a lot you can do to change their mind. Regardless of Autism or otherwise.

It's more about confidence, and how you present yourself to others. I'm not the best looking of people, but I've charmed people in the past when I come out of my shell, and through that, some have seen some sort of beauty in me. Which I sometimes still find puzzling. :scratch:

If you appear shy and awkward, that's how you'll be seen, regardless of your looks, and I often appear this way around unfamiliar people, which has made the initial move towards friendships and relationships tricky in the past.

It's obviously the most frustrating part of being Autistic, as I've often found dating as distressing and a difficult juggling act as much as job interviews. Attempting to make your first impression to someone else count.

It took me many attempts at refining the best and most comfortable way of presenting the best of myself to people, and from it, I've gained close friendships as well as my partner.

Finding the right pace to come out of my shell and reveal who I am, and how I am, and if the friendship and/or relationship dissipates because of it, I move on.

There's no point in using other people as yard sticks, or you'll forever be thwarted.


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Angnix
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14 Feb 2020, 1:56 pm

Most of the time I don't care how I look which turns people off, but as an experiment I put on nice clothes, makeup, etc... And posted it on Facebook... People gave me good compliments so yeah, your appearance does matter and can easily be changed.


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14 Feb 2020, 2:31 pm

Sensory issues often attributed to autism can make someone wear clothes for comfort rather than attractiveness.

I've learned to wear form fitting clothes that may be difficult for someone with sensory issues to wear.



Joe90
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14 Feb 2020, 3:14 pm

I don't wear makeup except for lipstick. I also don't put foundation on my face. And I don't dye my hair or take much time to style it, but I do brush it and make sure I look presentable. And I hate long nails, I prefer to bite them.
But I do feel unattractive compared to my female peers, because they all dye their hair and have an attractive style, and they wear makeup.

I find clothes that are very fashionable possess bigger or itchy clothing tags which are hard to cut off without tearing the seam, so I tend to stick to comfortable but trendy clothes. I don't like to stand out or look weird, but I do like to be comfortable.


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ASPartOfMe
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14 Feb 2020, 8:22 pm

When I was a kid I and teen I thought I was not good looking, being the shortest kid in the class did not help but recently I was looking at some pictures from that era and I was a pretty handsome boy. It was all negative self-image from the bullying and probably negative thought loops many autistics go through.


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Exuvian
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14 Feb 2020, 9:12 pm

No, I'm pretty sure people on the spectrum follow the standard physical attractiveness curve. That is, some are very attractive, some aren't and most are near the middle. AS is irrelevant to why I look like an old shoe. :lol:



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14 Feb 2020, 11:52 pm

It doesn't. However, the style we dress in is often affected due to sensory issues, some of us don't care and/or understand about fashion and it seems some of us don't understand the importance of looking clean and presentable, either.



NorthWind
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15 Feb 2020, 4:53 am

It depends. It does not directly affect your facial or physical features.

As many have said, a lot of autistic people don't dress very fashionable or invest a lot of time in their looks. Some may also have a problem with hygiene - but that seems to be a small minority, at least among the people on this forum. It can be due to unawareness of how one is perceived by others or why it mattes, due to sensory issues, due to impaired executive functioning or a combination thereof.

I don't think that's the only way autism can affect physical attractiveness. One of the guys in a documentary about autism I've seen looked disabled and another autistic person I met in real life looked disabled too. Some autistic people can have similar facial expressions and a similar way of speaking as a mentally ret*d person. If you count facial expression and speech as a physical trait, that'd be a physically very unattractive trait. It doesn't seem to usually apply to high functioning autistic people, though. Frankly, those two autistic guys might have had slight mental retardation or at least a relatively low IQ, just not as bad as their expressions and speech would have suggested.

To a lesser extent this can apply to a wider range or autistic people. Bad posture, odd speech, facial expressions, mannerism or inarticulate voice tend to be seen as unattractive and tend to be something people notice within seconds of interacting with a person. Many of the people on this forum probably don't have any problems with these traits, but some autistic people do.

In short, yes autism can make some people look unattractive, but not all people with autism are affected in that way.

The structure of your hair, the size of your ears or how easily you gain muscles are probably not directly affected by autism. That's just part of normal human variation. Most people, autistic or not, have average looks.



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15 Feb 2020, 10:41 am

While I'm hoping there's no direct connection, the idea that autism/Asperger's makes a person unattractive, especially a man, does sound plausible. I was never a cute baby or kid, except when I talked about "intellectual stuff". And even then, the descriptor "cute" was meant as covert mockery, rather than a compliment. Namely, that I was "less than", and my smarts therefore didn't count, except when it came to my grades in school.

After puberty, my appearance tanked, and I looked like a hideous monster! No girl wanted to have anything to do with me, unless we were both drunk up the wazoo, where she couldn't see how ugly I was. (The most that happened was French kissing; put away those torches and pitchforks!) Even getting hugs was like pulling teeth in most cases. I ended up hiring an escort to offload my virginity. And most of the girls I actually dated and had free sex with (while sober!) weren't attractive. I specifically chose to date them in order to stay in my league.

I didn't start looking better until age 25, and didn't look even remotely good until age 28. I knew I finally became attractive when I took a cruise at age 29: men were friendly to me, and women flirted with me. This meant one thing: I looked good. Which brings me to a theory: It's not that autistic men are ugly per se, it's that they look too old for their age. I'm not talking about wrinkles and facial hair, but deeper genetic factors. Much like they're often too intelligent for their age. In other words, they look at 18 the way the should look at 28. Which makes them unattractive to women their own age, thus leading to a conclusion that they're ugly in an objective sense.

I wouldn't know about attractiveness, or lack thereof, of autistic women, since I'm a man and don't plan to change that. Women, please contribute if you can.



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17 Feb 2020, 4:26 pm

My mom makes jokes about me looking like a cartoon character because I always wear a black short-sleeved fandom t-shirt and tuck it into navy blue leggings and I always have white sneakers on for my shoes every day. It's probably weird but I find it comforting that I don't need to think much about what to wear unless it's a special occasion (which isn't too often a thing for me) and I can focus on stuff I like more. I don't really wear makeup ever and while I went through a period of time where I wanted to color my hair, I just leave it natural brown now and I personally like having long hair because I think I look bad with shorter hair. I think people might find the way I dress strange (and repetitive) but I don't think it is too absurd and I've been actually told I have a nice face.


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BenderRodriguez
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17 Feb 2020, 5:16 pm

There's no connection, at least at a physical level. If you don't believe me, check out the picture threads, there are hundreds of pages with people's pictures and they are as varied as people generally are. Plenty of gorgeous ones too.


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17 Feb 2020, 5:21 pm

Definitely check out the picture threads..you have some HOT autistic people on here.....



Caz72
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17 Feb 2020, 6:34 pm

Im very attractive
when i was a kid the first thing most women said when they first met me was - oh, carrie, you are beautiful-

im the same at my age now probably because i have rather wide brown eyes and blonde wavy hair and naturally tanned skin
plus i like putting on make up and styling my hair not to attract anybody tho ,i just enjoy doing it

im a bus driver and been asked out by so many different men but im married anyway and i wouldn'lt cheat


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Joe90
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17 Feb 2020, 6:37 pm

Caz72 wrote:
Im very attractive
when i was a kid the first thing most women said when they first met me was - oh, carrie, you are beautiful-

im the same at my age now probably because i have rather wide brown eyes and blonde wavy hair and naturally tanned skin
plus i like putting on make up and styling my hair not to attract anybody tho ,i just enjoy doing it

im a bus driver and been asked out by so many different men but im married anyway and i wouldn'lt cheat


I wish I looked like you. I think I might be more attractive than I think I am. I hope I am. My low self-esteem tells me otherwise.


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