I feel so unattractive

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If you go to the same places all the time it is likely that you see the same people all the time.
Maybe you weren't acknowledging the men who found you attractive in the past, so they gave up on you.
They had no reason to suspect that ignoring them wasn't intentional. But, most men remember rejection.

Look OK I've had attraction from men in the past, and I seem to be good at recognising if a man likes me....but that was when I was slim, so they probably were just attracted to my body, as most men do like slim girls. Since I've been with my boyfriend I've got fatter, and I just feel unattractive. I'm trying hard to diet and exercise but I'm still finding it hard to lose weight. But I'm on Sertraline, which I've read in a medical book that most antidepressants can make you pile on the pounds easily. But I have to be on meds because I'm mental.

Your boyfriend won't like this...but a simple smile and showing interest in who men are works wonders for attracting them to you.

Oh wow. Now I see. I have put on weight before and it does make you feel bad. Psych meds make it extremely difficult to lose weight. Even though most American adults are over weight or obese there is still a lot of discrimination against larger people. Since gaining weight you are noticing people are responding differently to you. Is this your first time being large? Looks discrimination is real.

As a teenager I was on psych meds and gained 74 pounds. For the very first time in my life I was obese. The way people treated me was awful. I got off psych meds at age 18 and lost the weight. Since then I have maintained a normal BMI. I just couldn’t lose weight while on the psych meds. They made me too tired and hungry. People do treat you differently when you are obese. Plus, facially I am not attractive so being obese made it much worse for me. I understand where you are coming from. I wish people weren’t so mean towards those that don’t fit the standards of beauty.

I would continue trying to lose weight as best as you can but as long as you are on the psych meds you may not be as slim. I would just focus on mental health at this point and continuing to feel mentally well. Also, focus on the boyfriend that loves you. When I was obese I didn’t have a boyfriend and was bullied so badly for my looks. I would have felt so much better having someone to reassure me that I was okay and worthy of a love and a relationship.

I realize self esteem doesn’t exist in a bubble. The way others respond to you does affect how your view your self. But it’s not good to seek validation from others. It’s not easy but you must somehow at least accept yourself and things as they are without looking for strangers to make you feel better. Stay close to your boyfriend, cousins, and mom. Those are the people that care about you. Strangers, outsiders, won’t always accept you as you are unlike those who actually love you.

I'm not obese, just overweight for my height. I've always been tall and thin, it's genetic in my family. So this is the first time I have ever been overweight, and it shows in my face, the tops of my arms, my thighs and my belly. Being this fat doesn't suit me at all. I don't want to be on any antidepressants. I wish I could come off of them but I'm scared to. I don't want to go back to having meltdowns, and things like CBT and counseling didn't help. My boyfriend used to have trouble with his son because he had an angry temper and kept breaking doors and swearing and melting down (he has bipolar), and I don't want my boyfriend to ever see me like that. Since I've been on antidepressants I've been better at controlling my rage meltdowns.

So this is another reason why I hate autism, because meltdowns typically come with autism, and to me my AS has always felt more like a lifetime mental illness than a disability. Before I went on meds I had such severe misophonia that made me fly up in a temper at certain sounds that irritated me. I was like an angry monster that my whole family had to tread on eggshells around.

There is all kind and understanding replies in this thread, and also rather inspiring. I think my poor self-image all boils down to difficulties accepting myself. So I probably think I'm more unattractive than I really am.

I don't tend to use the word ugly. I believe nobody is truly ugly, but some people are more attractive than others, and I often feel in the unattractive pile, probably because my eyes are rather close together and I have these staring eyes and thick hair that isn't easy to style. The only style that suits my shape face is to have really long hair, but having long hair involves a lot of washing, combing and drying, and I find it hard to motivate myself to do all three. I've never liked getting my head wet, and my hair takes so long to dry. If I don't dry my hair with a hair-dryer it goes rather stringy when it is finally dry. Also my hair is too straight, thick and heavy. I hate it.

These days there are a variety of pixie cut hair styles for women that want a low maintenance hair cut. Some women will dye their hair unnatural colors to further feminize their short hair.

When I was young I didn't see the value of dressing well and looking good. But, now that I spend more time on my appearance, strangers in the grocery store will ask me questions as if they value my opinion. And not just hold the door for me.

I noticed as I moved away from my 20s and towards my 30s that losing weight became more difficult.
For me, the best part of aging has been the invisibility it gives me. I love blending into the background.
To be an object of desire based on appearance makes my skin crawl, I know I have my own issues on this front, fueled by some bad experiences. Admirers attention is signal for me that they only see a changeable outer shell, not me, not who I really am, the essence that doesnt change as such.

That is a good point. Many women are naturally attractive in their early 20s. And that goes away as they age.
I've rather be looked at as competent than attractive.

This line ... how much of your self-view is tied to what your mother says about you?

Well, my mum is one of those women who have always been envious of men. As a child she was a tomboy and has always been close to her brother (but she is not a lesbian). She thinks that the world is unfair to women and that men have it all.

I am close to my mum, always have been, so it's hard not to pick up her attitudes and habits.

The me too movement has empowered many women to speak up about sexual harassment and rape. How exactly have they been catering to these men?

The movement itself is fine. It’s some of the participants that are the problem.