Why do some people choose to be horrible than kind ?

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chris1989
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21 Feb 2020, 3:22 pm

Hearing lately about stories of celebrities like Caroline Flack committing suicide and that some it is due to social media and stuff really does upset and anger me because people get hateful messages and disgustingly negative criticism and end up taking their own lives due to it. It seems as if now it is becoming quite common because people as well as people who write for the media, to have access to find out what other people are doing in their lives and it could be something we all do in our everyday life and someone will take a photo of someone and then publicise to the world and say ''look at them they have grown fat and look ugly'' and so on. I seem to think people were even being horrible to Susan Boyle, because she never kissed anyone, and that she has got funny looks and an odd appearance to be on TV.
I suppose some people choose to behave whatever way they like even if its horrible because they are sitting behind a screen, and won't be get into trouble in relation to their comments and won't be found because of their anonymity.
People tell me that me not to take it seriously and personally as they must have something wrong going on in their lives to say those things and just being narrow-minded because they might have had just a bad day. I just think if someone hasn't got something nice to say, don't say anything at all and that if they want to say those things why not say it to my face rather than online ?



BenderRodriguez
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21 Feb 2020, 3:34 pm

Now that's a question. And you're right, being online makes people feel "safe": I've seen even here some keyboard warriors whom I'm pretty sure would never dare be so crass and nasty face to face :lol: You see, talking to people that way in person, has consequences, of more than one type.

So, to answer your question shortly, I would say: because it's easier and online it's easier for them to show their true nature without repercussions.


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Karamazov
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21 Feb 2020, 3:49 pm

^ indeed.
I think we’re still a way to go in terms of large-scale realisation that there other humans on the end of our exchanges...
I have memories of being quite sarcy & firey online that I’m not proud of, so I’m in essence extrapolating from doing a little bit of self-interrogation on the issue.



ToughDiamond
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21 Feb 2020, 4:57 pm

A person online can "wear a mask," i.e. take on an imaginary persona, and so their behaviour doesn't feel like it's them that's doing it, so their conscience doesn't get in the way so much. And they may feel safer from retaliation because the other people don't know where they live.

If you want to know why some people choose to be horrible in general, my feeling is that it's got something to do with the way the human race can never quite make up its mind whether it wants to co-operate or compete. We seem to have a penchant for both. Anger can do terrible things to people, so can being treated badly. Also, the ubiquitous love-and-peace philosophies of certain groups can lull us into feeling surprised that there's anybody doesn't want things to be nice. But time was when a man could treat his wife and children like chattels, with no respect for their feelings whatsoever, and people lived and died without ever questioning that way of being. When life is nasty, short and brutish, then people will likely be pretty horrible too.



shortfatbalduglyman
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21 Feb 2020, 5:19 pm

There could be a lot of reasons

The reasons are sometimes subconscious

They might not be aware of the reason


Unless you are telepathic you can't read someone else's mind

Scapegoating, revenge



CheddarBetter
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21 Feb 2020, 6:05 pm

There are just a lot of people out there who don't know how to be kind and there are those who are unaware of how bad they are making others feel. I think people don't choose to be horrible and just need guidance from others since they might not get enough love and support at home. This leads to taking their anger out on others. I remember there was a boy I went to elementary school and he made me cry and insulted me quite a bit. He used to make me feel bad due to my difficulties related to my Autism and my Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I never got mad at him because my family taught me that not everyone comes from a supportive home and he might be one of them. When I got older the more I knew that they were right. This boy was an honor roll student and got into a specialized high school and his family was still disappointed in him. This lead him to do drugs and become a high school dropout. I really wish I could find him and help him get back on his feet. This kid may have been acting "Horrible" but he was going through so much in his life so I never got mad. This is just one story of many where they could be great responses but its a lot of typing.



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23 Feb 2020, 7:36 am

Even a little typing is better than no typing at all.

Even slight sympathy is better than no sympathy at all.

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auntblabby
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23 Feb 2020, 8:17 am

unconditional kindness requires a type of moral decency that eludes many.



AriaEclipse
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24 Feb 2020, 10:17 am

I'm trying to figure out the same thing. Right now, I'm dealing with a group of people I thought were my friends but really were excluding me from everything and ignore me basically when I try to talk about it. The internet just has so much hatred and carelessness on it, especially in some specific spots. I don't get how people can just say terrible stuff and not care after they hit "send".


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AspiePrincess611
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24 Feb 2020, 1:26 pm

To me, I really think the issue is that at least some of the people being mean/horrible do it because they have been treated bad themselves or had a difficult life. They hurt others because they can't get to those that hurt them, and they lack the proper channels to deal with their anger or sadness. It's no justification for acting that way though. Personally, I try very hard to be kind to others. Sometimes I end up getting taken advantage of because of my meek personality. I have been through a lot though, and it gets harder and harder to justify being nice when so much of the world is so cruel and unfair, especially to people with mental/emotional/neurological disabilities.


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Karamazov
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24 Feb 2020, 1:42 pm

^ I like your line of thought in this! :)
There’s a lot of unhappy/messed up humans out there, and online communication with the option of anonymity allows them to take their irl masks off, and let rip with virtual impunity.



AriaEclipse
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24 Feb 2020, 2:03 pm

AspiePrincess611 wrote:
To me, I really think the issue is that at least some of the people being mean/horrible do it because they have been treated bad themselves or had a difficult life. They hurt others because they can't get to those that hurt them, and they lack the proper channels to deal with their anger or sadness. It's no justification for acting that way though. Personally, I try very hard to be kind to others. Sometimes I end up getting taken advantage of because of my meek personality. I have been through a lot though, and it gets harder and harder to justify being nice when so much of the world is so cruel and unfair, especially to people with mental/emotional/neurological disabilities.


I think this is true in many cases and some people feel more confident online (which can be a good thing or a bad thing) and say and do things they would never do in person. For me, I'm more likely to have a conversation with a new person online vs. in person but others are more likely to be mean and aggressive on Twitter when they wouldn't say hurtful things to somebody's face.

I feel the same way too, I too try to be super nice and I end up getting taken advantage of as well over and over again. Sometimes I wonder if it is because I'm pretty open online with people about having ASD but either way, some people just don't know how to be kind and treat others the way they want to be treated.


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24 Feb 2020, 4:59 pm

The longer I live, the more I notice people who become really mean in life have always harboured the seed of unkindness inside them, and circumstances made it grow and flourish.

Some suffer and become golden because of it. Others suffer and then make others suffer because of it.


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B19
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24 Feb 2020, 5:18 pm

I spent my childhood years with a foster mother who was a monster to everyone but her "golden child", and especially to me. One of the reasons I entered psychology as a student later on was to try and figure her out, but in those decades there were no answers there, so I specialised in psychophysics instead. Years passed and I came across two books that explained her so well, the first was M Scott Peck's "People of the Lie" (she lied all the time) and the other was Robert Hare's works/studies/books on malignant narcissism. So when I was in my 60s, I could finally understand her poisonous character and behaviour. Same decade I discovered I was an Aspergers person. And that I had celiac disease and was immunodeficient as well. (I wasn't allowed to see a doctor when I was ill as a child; I was berated for pretending to have the various illnesses I had. Golden Child was allowed medical care. Yes, she was a monster, a rich monster, and she used money as a power to control her flying monkeys.

My 60s were a decade of huge discovery for me. And I joined WP!



Alita
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25 Feb 2020, 1:23 pm

B19 wrote:
I spent my childhood years with a foster mother who was a monster to everyone but her "golden child", and especially to me. One of the reasons I entered psychology as a student later on was to try and figure her out, but in those decades there were no answers there, so I specialised in psychophysics instead. Years passed and I came across two books that explained her so well, the first was M Scott Peck's "People of the Lie" (she lied all the time) and the other was Robert Hare's works/studies/books on malignant narcissism. So when I was in my 60s, I could finally understand her poisonous character and behaviour. Same decade I discovered I was an Aspergers person. And that I had celiac disease and was immunodeficient as well. (I wasn't allowed to see a doctor when I was ill as a child; I was berated for pretending to have the various illnesses I had. Golden Child was allowed medical care. Yes, she was a monster, a rich monster, and she used money as a power to control her flying monkeys.

My 60s were a decade of huge discovery for me. And I joined WP!


B19, that is just awful. I'm so sorry you grew up in such a toxic family environment. I understand completely what living with liars and malignant narcissists is all about, having gone through my own trials. Thank you for citing those books - I'm always trying to find more books about this condition known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I hope you are now getting the attention you need for your medical problems and that your heart finds healing from your horrible past. And you're right - WP is an awesome place to be, especially for that! :heart: :)


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Biscuitman
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25 Feb 2020, 5:44 pm

I have always assumed that those that target others online for harassment or to bully are themselves unhappy with their own life.